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Army Of Darkness
ElRey
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (tvguide.com)

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The [Tuesday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

When Gannett flagship USA Today first came on the scene, it infamously inverted the journalism paradigm by focusing relentlessly on the sunny side of things. Thus, the classic headline "Miracle: 327 survive, 55 die."

The paper is not quite so smarmy these days, but it's still USA Today, and its satellite publications are still essentially McPapers - each one uses the same template for its website, for example.

Seeing as how Gannett is now in the midst of a hostile bid for Tribune Publishing, I thought I'd reimagine some Chicago news as if Gannett had owned the Tribune when it happened:

* 610 Schools Survive; 50 Closed.

* 49 Aldermen Not Indicted; 1 Charged.

* Thousands Of Suspects Not Tortured By Jon Burge: Report.

Well, you get the idea.

For a look at the boardroom maneuverings now taking place, I highly recommend this scathing Andrew Ross Sorkin column, which identifies the Tribune board of directors as a bunch of neophyte pushovers essentially committing financial malpractice.

Also, the Wall Street Journal reports that someone is lying - either the CEO of Tribune or the CEO of Gannett.

Locally, Joe Cahill of Crain's writes that "In the consolidation game, Tribune Publishing makes a better target than an acquirer."

Standing in the way? Michael Ferro's perverted dream of "saving journalism" - and hungry shareholders who must feel like Christmas just came early.

See also: After Gannett's Bid For Tribune, 8 Things To Look Out For:

The Fiction Of Farm-To-Table
The Tampa Bay Times's examination of bogus restaurant menus is already one of my all-time favorite investigations, so today we're carrying a ProPublica interview with the reporter who pulled it off, food critic Laura Reiley.

TweetWood

Hi, I'm Troy LaRaviere. You may know me from such classics as "I'm The Best Principal CPS Ever Fired" and "I'm More Popular Than The Mayor."
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) April 25, 2016

Chicago's Top Ayn Rand Lover Stifling Individual: https://t.co/wCOaNULbqK
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) April 25, 2016

NY AG Settles With Walgreens For Overcharging Customers, Misleading Advertising Practices: https://t.co/fnOrMbNz6p
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) April 25, 2016

The Beachwood Tip Line: Miracle survivor.

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Posted on April 26, 2016