The [Tuesday] Papers

"Hossa missed a mid-period shot at a net that was so open it made a 7-Eleven store seem closed by comparison," Rick Telander writes for the Sun-Times.

Okay, that's not quite how you write a line like that. The comparison ought to be inherent without a need to point out that you're making a comparison. So:

" . . . a net more open than a 7-Eleven."

" . . . a net open like a 7-Eleven at bar time."

" . . . a net more open than a cash register at 7-Eleven during a robbery."

" . . . a net more open than an alderman's hands right before the payoff for facilitating a zoning change for a new 7-Eleven."

You get the idea.

Coffman: It's Not OK, Blackhawks Fans
Ignore local media's reassurances; anxiety is the correct response.

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I'll check in with Coach this morning to reassure him anyway; suggesting that Kris Versteeg replace Patrick Sharp in the lineup strikes me as deranged, no matter how poorly Sharp is playing right now.

Please Welcome The Poet Laureate Of L.A.
Escaped the mean streets of Chicago.

The Reality Of Bail
Not that entertaining, after all.

24 Hours With Fuse
Warped as they wanna be.

The Weekend In Chicago Rock
Featuring: Radar Eyes, Lindsey Stirling, Ben Folds and the Chicago Youth Symphony Orchestra, Kill It Again, CJ Ramone, Graham Parker and the Rumour, and Steven Wilson.

BeachBook
* lll-Annoy.

* Chicago-Based Golin Is Paying An Intern To Live With The Amish And Wrestle An Alligator.

* Amphibious Pitcher Makes Debut.

* Walgreens Defends Dumping Merchandise.

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TweetWood
A sampling.

Perfect in every way! https://t.co/jFVSk3zGmf

— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) June 9, 2015

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The two parties completely change positions on limits of executive power based on who is President: Part 534,334,333 http://t.co/URAdszs8WQ

— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) June 9, 2015

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.@attackerman, always reading the footnotes, finds Obama administration trumping landmark ruling for secret law: http://t.co/nHowgI0reL #NSA

— Matt Sullivan (@sullduggery) June 9, 2015

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Excellent NYT op-ed by @kellymcb on why extreme state secrecy justifies @WikiLeaks' $100,000 bounty for TPP text http://t.co/QZq0bybi9W

— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) June 9, 2015

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Compare/contrast: http://t.co/8x5FUVWavV RT @SSKedreporter: After its own deadline, CPS permits 3d proposal 4 Dyett: http://t.co/kLBrVEFkdP

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) June 9, 2015

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Nice @jkimpictures shot of the only two people happy about that first goal #Blackhawks pic.twitter.com/uA7jplSHoo

— Lauren Comitor (@laurencomitor) June 9, 2015

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The Beachwood Tip Line: Goal-oriented.

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