The [Tuesday] Papers
The Sun-Times asked a few prominent Chicagoans if they got what they wanted for Christmas. I found these replies to the most instructive.
1. "The adult in me wanted ties - I need ties but its so stereoptypically boring no one wants to give them to me."
- Antonio Mora
Antonio Mora wanted ties? Don't they have a wardrobe department at Channel 2?
2. "[I wanted]peace in the world," but did not get it.
- Cardinal Francis George
Um, because you were bad this year? Because sometimes God says no? Just curious.
3. "Really it's nothing material: I wanted to make sure that my family was happy and safe. I really thought a lot about the young men and women in Iraq - gosh, they're not with their families."
- Illinois Supreme Court Justice Anne Burke
Plus, you already got a seat on the state supreme court in a back-door maneuver that the press has lost all interest in asking you about. Besides, it's much easier to attack Todd Stroger.
4. "Out of all the material things that we get and give every year, nothing is of greater measure throughout the year than knowing that there are fewer victims of homicides and crime. Fewer grieving families. For me, that's the greatest gift that I would want to receive."
- Police Superintendent Phil Cline
Said in a written statement, obviously. Please.
5. "Well, obviously world peace and fewer homicides - neither of which I got either. And this morning I wanted my papers to arrive - I'm one of the few who actually still subscribes to print home-delivery - but once again the Sun-Times did not show up on my doorstep because their whole operation is amateur hour.
"I also wish the media - and the people they 'cover' - wasn't so lame, but that's not gonna come true anytime soon. There is no God."
- Steve Rhodes
He just couldn't give you what you wanted for Christmas either, though He did cut Tank Johnson a break this year.
"Chicago Police reported at least three incidents of large fights at movie theaters Monday night,From about 8:30 p.m. to about 9:30 p.m., police were called to the scene at theaters on the 3300 block of West Roosevelt, the 7600 block of South Cicero and the 200 block of West 87th Street, according to Chicago Police News Affairs."
Um, just one question . . . WHICH FRIGGIN' MOVIES?!
Daley said the thieves were men of fine character, and refused the suggestion that money lost to corruption could go toward helping others.
"As ordered, Stubblefield's give-the-drummer-some break in 'Cold Sweat' wasn't really a solo, but it is one of the most copied drum patterns in popular music. It was later sampled by hip-hop producers as a foundation for countless rap vocals."
Imagine the immensity of that.
James Brown playing "Cold Sweat" on The Mike Douglas Show. (At 2:40, the drummer gets a little, though the user comments indicate the drummer is not Stubblefield.)
Home for the Holidays
Greatest Gift of All
How many want to return it?
Bowling for Dollars
On the Bush twins: "When you're a president who has destroyed the lives of probably a million people, our soldiers and Iraqis who are maimed and killed - you see children going to school in Baghdad with no arms and legs - I don't think Bush's kids should be having lots of fun in Argentina."
On Iraq and Bush: "No matter how long we stay in Iraq, no matter how many soldiers we send, the day we leave, the meanest, most vicious, most brilliant man in the country, a man who makes Saddam Hussein look like a baby, will take over and spit on the American flag. Bush will go down as the worst and by far the dumbest president in history."
On Colin Powell: "He's speaking up now, but he's no longer relevant. I call him a pathetic and sad figure."
The Miss USA Scandal
We'll never know, because we killed the one person who could tell us.
Recycling Green Daley
"The study, which the Interior Department refused to release for more than a year, estimates that current inducements could allow drilling companies in the Gulf of Mexico to escape tens of billions of dollars in royalties that they would otherwise pay the government for oil and gas produced in areas that belong to American taxpayers.
"But the study predicts that the inducements would cause only a tiny increase in production even if they were offered without some of the limitations now in place.
"It also suggests that the cost of that additional oil could be as much as $80 a barrel, far more than the government would have to pay if it simply bought the oil on its own."
Well, besides the time when that pop fly bounced off the top of Aramis Ramirez' head.
The Beachwood Tip Line: Give the gift.
Posted on December 26, 2006
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