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The [Tuesday] Papers

1. Oh Lord. The Bears miracle finish last night ensures not just continuing 1985 Super Bowl nostalgia (can it be nostalgia if it never went away?) and endless hours ruminating over the remaining schedule to assess this team's chances of matching the undefeated season of the 1972 Miami Dolphins, but more national media coverage like Tony Kornheiser's clichéd paean on Monday Night Football last night to the bone-crunching, blue-collar, Monsters of the Midway of myth. The truth is, for almost all of my lifetime, the Bears have sucked. And they've been a bunch of pantywaists doing it.

2. But yes. I cannot deny what is transpiring before our eyes. Can we at least mandate a pre-emptive moratorium on the phrase "team of destiny" from now until January?

3. The truth is, even if the Bears were a blue-collar team, Chicago is no longer a blue-collar city; more like the City of Pretty Flowers. They no longer play in Soldier Field; they play in Soldiers of the Galactic Federation Field. Perhaps the team should be called the Chicago Condos. Or the Eight-Dollar Martinis. Or, most intimidating, the Chicago Gentrifiers.

4. Sweet Lou Piniella is, um, not so sweet.

5. The problem political reporters are having with Judy Baar Topinka is that she's not doing a good enough job using spin techniques to manipulate, um, reporters. They'd prefer a message-of-the-day spoon-fed to them.

6. "Ald. Ike Carothers (29th) recounted how his father, former Alderman Bill Carothers (28th Ward), who was in attendance, handled questions about his qualifications for elected office," the Austin Weekly News reports. ''When you vote for me, you qualify me,' said Carothers. Carothers went on to say, 'we're gonna qualify Todd Stroger. The 29th Ward is going to give him more votes than the Eighth Ward (Stroger's ward).'

7. "Cook County Commissioner Earlean Collins made the case to vote for Alderman Todd Stroger to be the next president of the County Board. Collins explained that Cook County is, 'one of the largest blocks of Democratic votes in the country.'

"'We cannot afford to have a Republican as president of the County Board if we want to get the Bushes out of office,' Collins insisted."

Does Earlean Collins fail to understand the 22nd Amendment or is the county board expected to initiate impeachment?

8. Phil Kadner is just the latest to observe the obvious - that Todd Stroger is an embarrassment.

9. Of course, the media has by-and-large let Todd Stroger's political career heretofore go unexamined. But credit where it is due. From Sun-Times endorsements past:

- "31st District (South Side): Democratic Rep. Todd Stroger, son of Cook County Board President John Stroger, lists passing legislation that 'helps county government' as a primary legislative goal. "(1996)

- "31st District: With little opposition, voters have no choice but lackluster Democratic Rep. Todd Stroger, son of Cook County Board President John H. Stroger Jr. Since election to the House on his father's name, Stroger has become a bond salesman. With one exception, his sales have been to the city, the park and water reclamation districts, and the Board of Education." (1998)

10. Was Wal-Mart really going to stay away? I doubt it.

11. ComEd is so disliked that state legislators are practically daring it to declare bankruptcy if a rate-freeze is reinstituted. David Kolata of the Citizens' Utility Board responds to the Tribune Editorial Board. Which one do you think is more concerned with, um, citizens? Maybe if Todd Stroger were running for ComEd board president, the city's editorial boards would see the light here.

12. Maybe ComEd could improve its public image by changing its name, the way Peoples Energy has. Of course, the Fran Spielman of the business pages, Mary Wisniewski, thinks the neato new name sounds like that of a sports car, and how cool is that?

13. Sun-Times Standard Time is eight days later than what the rest of us operate on.

14. I don't care about Audrey Hepburn, give us AC/DC back. And by the way, AC/DC fans are far more literate than Gap shoppers.

15. "I can't be held responsible for what I personally tell my goons to do."

- C. Montgomery Burns or G. Rod Blagojevich?

16. Why the Web rules.

(Via Jim Leonard, ex-Chicago artist now living in Brooklyn, who will nonetheless open Pinpoints & Sparkles this Saturday at the Butcher Shop/Dogmatic gallery, 1319 West Lake Street. Conflict-of-interest disclosure: Jim is staying with me this week, and is married to this site's art director.)

17. How Protestants think about Muslims.

18. Animal cruelty?

19. In an alternate universe.

20. The Pitchfork drinking game.

21. Team of Destiny drinking game. You know what to do.

The Beachwood Tip Line: A daily miracle.


Posted on October 17, 2006

MUSIC - Who's Next In Chicago Rap.
TV - Tribune-Nexstar Deal Is Bad News.
POLITICS - Big Soda Hates You.
SPORTS - Harold vs. the Haters.

BOOKS - Wright Brothers, Wrong Story!

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Go Ahead, Eat Raw Cookie Dough!

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