The [Tuesday] Papers

With Rod Blagojevich set to take the stand this morning for his third day of testimony in his corruption trial, our very own Ed Hammer indulges in a look ahead to his likely future:

"As the convicted Blagojevich arrives at the federal prison in Terre Haute, the pent-up and hostile murderers, drug dealers and con men jeer and sneer him and the other fresh meat," he writes in The Terre Haute Redemption. "Like Red, George Ryan, who loved the casinos on the outside, bets cigarettes and money with the other inmates on how long before the new kid with the Justin Bieber haircut would last before he cries.

"Unsympathetic, Ryan gives him until his first meal. Ryan loses the bet. Blagojevich makes it through the first night without even a whimper. In a scornful baritone, Ryan remarks, 'I'll have to admit, I didn't think much of Rod the first time I saw him, but his first night in the joint, Rod Blagojevich cost me two packs of cigarettes. He never made a sound.'"

Poly Sci Final
Irrelevant Governor vs. Irrelevant City Council. Discuss.

P.S. And Then He Blew His Brains Out
"A delicate moment is fast approaching for one of Oak Park's most famous sons - the 50th anniversary of Ernest Hemingway's suicide in the foyer of his home in Ketchum, Idaho," the Tribune reports.

"The Ernest Hemingway Foundation of Oak Park, which manages a Hemingway museum, runs tours of his birthplace home and hosts a variety of Hemingway events, is allowing the event to pass without note.

"So is the Hemingway Society, which organizes international conferences and awards the annual PEN/Hemingway Award for fiction. Other Hemingway organizations - from Key West to northern Michigan and from Boston to Idaho - have taken the same approach.

"'We don't consider that a particularly big event for any number of reasons,' said Allan Baldwin, former chairman of the Oak Park foundation."

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Name one.

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Get me rewrite.

Snow Job
"Emanuel To Reshape City's Blizzard Strategy."

Step 1: Announce you are going to reshape blizzard strategy.

Worldwide Leader
"Getting [ESPN] rolling was the realization by a fellow named Bill Rasmussen, who would launch the network with $9,000 of credit card debt, that satellite transmission could reach anywhere in the country as easily as Connecticut and that 24 hours of satellite time cost would only a little more than a few hours," Phil Rosenthal writes in his recap of Those Guys Have All The Fun: Inside The World of ESPN.

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See also: The Deadspin Guide To The New ESPN Book.

Lemon Pledge
"Vice President Joe Biden on Saturday credited the Obama administration's intervention for the American auto industry's recovery from 'the brink of extinction' and pointed to Chrysler's early repayment of the federal loan that saved it from disaster," AP reports.

B.S.

See also: Behind Administration Spin: Bailout Still $123 Billion In The Red.

Little Ventured, Gained
"Chicago trails Austin, Salt Lake City, Denver and Minneapolis in the ratio of dealmakers per capita," a new study shows.

So can the self-congratulations this city likes so much to indulge in. The dealmaking environment is hardly vibrant; neither is its tech sector nor its (vaunted in some corners)
online news ecosystem.

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This is Chicago, not Des Moines. We're supposed to rank in the top three of just about everything - and not be surprised and overexuberant about it.

Trick Headline
Chicago Housing Authority Considers Tenant Drug Tests.

The Chicago Housing Authority still has tenants?

Black Crack
"The U.S. Supreme Court Tuesday cleared the way for resentencing former media baron Conrad Black next month in Chicago for fraud and obstruction of justice after rejecting his appeal," the Vancouver Sun reports.

In prison he'll be known as Connie.

Church Ladies
2 Dressed As Nuns Rob Palos Heights Bank.

Who says they were just dressed that way?

Dip Schtick
Housing Goes Into Double-Dip Recession.

I thought we were still in the first dip . . .

Q-Tip
Cubs' Soriano Sidelined By Quad Strain.

Or do they mean Quade strain?

See also: Cubs Anonymous.

The Weekend In Chicago Rock
You shoulda been there.

Geek Alert
Comic Vault stores are closing.

Nice Age
"The Crown family of Chicago, owners of Aspen Skiing Company, together with the Aspen Skiing Company Family Fund at Aspen Community Foundation, have given $100,000 to the Snowmastodon Fund," Real Vail reports.

The Snowmastodon Project.

Maelstrom
a torn receipt for condoms/impaled in an octogenarian oak.

Wrigley Review
Are there more drunken numbskulls in the crowd than in the good old days?

Land of Oz
* Twice The Fun, Half The Dunn.

* A Black Eye And Hope.

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The Beachwood Tip Line: Strong as oak.

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