The [Tuesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
1. Oh for godsakes! Could you be any more of a buzzkill?
2. Oh for godsakes! Could you be any more of a tool for saying this?
"Is there even a shred of evidence that a legislator is under the thumb of a legislative leader because of campaign spending? I don't see it. I see members elected from competitive districts vote in the best interests of their district, which is often counter to the way the legislative leader votes."
3. Oh for godsakes! Jesus is watching, Rickey. And boy is He pissed.
4. Oh for godsakes! Can't we at least boot their cars?
5. Oh for godsakes! Could Microsoft get any lamer?
6. Oh for godsakes! Bill Keller is familiarizing himself with his website!
7. Oh for godsakes! About as accurate as a click poll.
8. Oh for godsakes! The problem is not the public!
9. Oh for godsakes! Jazz is in our gas tanks?
"What say?" writes Peter Margasak.
"As much as I love jazz, not even with the rosiest of rose-colored glasses could I delude myself into believing that Chicago bears the remotest resemblance to the city Keller imagines."
Julia Keller is a case study in overwriting as badly as one can.
"On a recent morning, one of those infernally windy autumn days when trees, dogs, rocks, trucks and people seem vulnerable to being suddenly borne aloft by feisty air currents like Dorothy's farmhouse in The Wizard of Oz, Mary Dempsey, a member of her staff and a reporter were walking across the parking lot of the Chicago Public Library branch at 1101 W. Taylor St., one of the 78 locations that function as Mini-Me versions of the Harold Washington Library Center at 400 S. State St."
Excuse me while I go put some more jazz in my gas tank.
"Former small-town baseball writer John Hoffman sent me a piece he wrote back in 1999 about young Milton Bradley. It was part of his Baltimore Orioles Farm and Minor-League Report.
"Here it is:
'''Expos top prospect Milton Bradley didn't waste much time trying to lead the Eastern League in hitting after returning from his latest suspension. Bradley, who was suspended the last five games of the Maryland Fall League for slapping an umpire, continued his torrid hitting after sitting out a seven-day suspension in the Eastern League this spring for fighting another player and spitting on the umpire who ejected him from the game.
'''Bradley, who was always pleasant in the past talking to sportswriters, was guarded after his return to the Harrisburg Senators. He told us that his time in the Maryland Fall League playing on the Delmarva Rockfish didn't help him improve his game, that it just meant five more weeks of playing baseball'.''
"But then that would undercut the mayor's power. 'If you control the money, you control the system,' says 22nd Ward alderman Rick Munoz."
Tell that to Don Harmon.
The Very Bad News Bears
""'We sucked' came courtesy of Lance Briggs.
"Those descriptions also could describe the people at the top. They're the ones who chose these Bears. They're the ones who coach these Bears. And they deserve just as much grief as the players. Maybe more!"
Heisman and HAL
The Beachwood Tip Line: Bring da noise.
Posted on October 27, 2009
© 2006 - 2017, The Beachwood Media Company