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The [Tuesday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

"An Illinois man is accused of stealing more than $45,000 worth of glasses from Milwaukee-area stores because he enjoys being around eyewear," AP reports.

Well played, AP.


From Newsradio 620:

"[Jerry] Lowery admitted to police that glasses have been a problem for 15 years, saying he likes to wear them, look in a mirror, then give them away, throw them away or sell them.

"Lowery was not supposed to leave the state of Illinois after a parole in January of this year on a 15-year- prison sentence for armed robbery in 2002.

"Illinois court records show he has been convicted for nine different armed robberies in that state."

Well played, Mr. Lowery.

Dunkin' Skunkin'
"Alex Holmes couldn't even look at the $167 he took from a Hinsdale Dunkin' Donuts, the remorseful teen says."

Well played, Alex.

Cops Rules
"I'm not saying I'm brighter than the average street criminal, but there are 12 very important Lessons For Dummies I've learned from watching Cops that I'll forever carry with me," Scott Buckner writes today in What I Watched Last Night.

This is very well played.

Clout U
"The chairman of a state panel investigating University of Illinois admissions abuses and two of the school's former presidents have joined a chorus of voices calling for the ouster of university trustees in response to a scandal they say has jeopardized the integrity of the institution," the Tribune reports.

"'My own feeling is that the board needs new voices and new faces,' former federal judge Abner Mikva said Monday after listening to five hours of testimony before the Illinois Admissions Review Commission.

"His comments came after former Presidents Stanley Ikenberry and James Stukel said they would support the replacement of all nine governor-appointed trustees, and after the current university president for the first time called the admissions scandal a 'crisis' for the state's top public campus."

And only after conducting a poll to see which way the wind was blowing.

Chart Dart
I guess you have to buy the print product to see the chart.

Or you can look here and see how it compares to a chart about the making of a baked potato.


Jon Stewart vs. the Tribune editorial page. You decide.

Duncan's Cloutgate
"News from Chicago is that some children have been getting 'clouted' into competitive elementary and high schools based on connections rather than through merit or the lottery," Alexander Russo writes at This Week In Education. "Duncan's replacement has ordered an investigation. I've asked whether Duncan knew about this and what he did to address it."


Russo has also filed a FOIA in his quest to find out just what Duncan does every day.

Blago's Book
Brimming With Bull.

Daley's Newest Tool . . .
. . . is Robert Maldonado.

Madigan's Drug War
Making pharma pay.

Bullpen Bankshot
"Tribune Co. Wants More Time On Bankruptcy."

Seeking left-hander to sign final papers.


I know there's a better line than that out there, but I'm too tired to figure out what it is. Suggestions welcome.


UPDATE 1:27 P.M.: And here they are:
- A few more bonus-seeking executives still warming up in the pen.

- Waiting on priest to come bless the balance sheet.

- Seeking approval to turn shuttered McCormick Freedom Museum into another Captain Morgan Club.

- Goes out to feed meter but finds Tower has been towed.

- But pushy kid with four rolls of quarters forces it to find a new game.

- Marilyn Ferdinand, Beachwood reader Mark

Quinn's Constitution
"As social-service providers reduce programs and turn away clients during the current budget crisis, a religious summer camp in the Wisconsin Dells is slated to receive $150,000 from Illinois taxpayers," Eric Zorn writes.

"Specifically, Page 61 of the recently signed $31 billion capital spending bill calls for a construction grant for a new cabin at Camp Chi, a facility in Lake Delton operated by the Jewish Community Center of Chicago. The direct recipient of the grant is Keshet, a Northbrook-based organization that serves Jewish children with special needs.

"Meanwhile, Page 101 earmarks $250,000 for renovations to the Friendship House of Christian Service in Peoria; Page 341 earmarks $150,000 for 'facility improvements' at the Salaam Conference Center of Muhammad's Holy Temple of Islam in Chicago; Page 176 earmarks $700,000 for capital improvements at St. Malachy School, presumably the Catholic elementary on the West Side, though the bill doesn't specify which of the Illinois schools named for St. Malachy is to get the money.

"And on and on."

Wherefore art thou, Jay Stewart, former executive director of the BGA who is now on Quinn's staff of lawyers?

Hurly Buehrle
"'Well,' I thought to myself last Thursday afternoon, 'I'll never convince him to be a Cub fan now.' My 10-year-old son Noah had attended Mark Buehrle's perfect game with fellow campers and counselors from his day camp and it seemed clear the experience would seriously strengthen the foundation of his Sox fandom. His dad the Cub fan wasn't excited about that of course but the boy had witnessed baseball history - the kind that only happens a time or two every decade."

- Jim Coffman in SportsTuesday


Even with his perfect game, Buehrle's ERA is still higher over the last three games than that of the Twins starter he'll face tonight, Scott Baker: 4.12 to 3.72.

Not that I wouldn't rather have Buehrle . . . I just thought it was interesting.

Party On, Wayne
I guess clouted kids don't party very well.


Dudes, you're killing the ratio!

Yellow Brick Wrigley


The Beachwood Tip Line: America's top party tip line, that is.


Posted on July 28, 2009

MUSIC - Millions Of New Guitar Players.
TV - "One America News" is AT&T.
POLITICS - When Wall Street Came To My Mobile Home Park.
SPORTS - Tonyball, Bears On The Run, Eyes On The Sky & More!

BOOKS - China Holding Swedish Publisher.


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