The [Thursday] Papers

First, let's dispense with Ken Griffin's vanity.

Damn. I was hoping for The Peter Griffin Museum of Science and Industry. https://t.co/dnGoBfcfNr

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) October 3, 2019

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I've given money to a lot of places and I didn't make them change their name. For example, it's still just Walgreens. https://t.co/qx5DwCuCqb

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) October 3, 2019

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Honest to god, this is how it looks in my read-later Pocket app: pic.twitter.com/YSZkTR0VaW

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) October 3, 2019

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Winner.

This is $1 million for every school Griffin wanted closed in 2013. https://t.co/zyv1NJMFh5

— ChicagoTeachersUnion (@CTULocal1) October 3, 2019

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Reminder.

While you were buying groceries, hedge fund billionaires were buying the Republican Party -- Paul Singer and Ken Griffin each gave a cool million dollars to House GOP PAC yesterday https://t.co/Da5YvfUbxb

— Michael Kink (@mkink) August 1, 2019

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I just hope the Mold-O-Rama is safe.

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But seriously, why the need to plaster one's name on an institution to, um, mark your territory? It's pathological.

The city would be far more grateful to Griffin if he wrote the check under the stipulation that the name of the Museum of Science & Industry would never change!

Similarly, the city would be far more grateful to Guaranteed Rate if it wrote the check under the condition that the ballpark be renamed after Comiskey, or at least Sox Park.

Obviously I'm not stupid enough to not get it. Guaranteed Rate gets free advertising with every newspaper and television mention. Griffin extends his influence and public brand name with every mention of a property he's renamed. But still.

I once implored, only half-jokingly, that reporters during the last gubernatorial campaign ask JB Pritzker why he and his family had to plaster their name on (seemingly) everything in sight. Wasn't the satisfaction of giving enough?

Assignment Desk, activate!

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Never forget: "Ken Griffin: The Super-Rich Have 'Insufficient Influence.'"

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I wonder if the museum people ever thought, Hey, $125 million is nice, but we are not changing our name!

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After you order new letterhead, a lot of that money is gone.

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But seriously, did the museum people ever propose to just take half and leave Griffin's name out of it? Or maybe just rename the coal mine after him?

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And Griffin seriously said, If you don't name the museum after me, the deal's off!

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Things should just be named for what they are: The bank. The school. The Jewels.

"Yeah, but which one?"

"The one over by dere."

"Oh, okay!"

See? That's the world I want to live in.

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From the financial desk . . . as if we haven't already been there:

Hard Eight Futures
"The Commodity Futures and Trading Commission charged the Chicago trading firm Hard Eight Futures and its founder Igor Chernomzav with manipulative trading, requiring them to pay a $2.5 million penalty," Crain's reports.

"In addition to manipulative and deceptive trading schemes, the agency said that they engaged in spoofing, a strategy in which traders place buy or sell orders they have no intent to execute and then cancel them after profiting from a change in market direction influenced by the orders."

This isn't Chernomzav's first news rodeo.

"Chernomzav attracted headlines in Chicago back in 2010 when, as a thirtysomething, he bought multi-million-dollar condos in what was then the Elysian Hotel & Private Residence. (The Elysian is now the Waldorf Astoria Hotel.)

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"The statement from the CFTC says that Chernomzav now resides in Monsey, N.Y. A woman who answered the phone for Hard Eight said Chernomzav wasn't immediately available for comment."

Monsey, NY?

From the firm's website: "Hard Eight is a global proprietary trading firm headquartered in Chicago."

Which doesn't mean he has to live here, just sayin'.

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"The firm was ordered to pay $1.75 million while Chernomzav was required to pay $750,000, the CFTC statement said."

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I do dig the firm name, and the little dice logo.

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The culture: "The dress code is that there is no dress code."

I . . . like this place?

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They also do barbecue? Where the fuck do I apply?

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Chernomzav: "Igor worked for Susquehanna Investment Group ("SIG") from 1999-2003. He began working as a trader in options market making for SIG and in the summer of 2000 he began trading on the floor of the American Stock Exchange. Igor graduated from Princeton University in 1999 with a B.A. in Philosophy."

Any particular discipline?

"No. Not really. Man's search for faith. That kinda shit."

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I don't know how I feel about this.

View this post on Instagram

Just another Thurs afternoon.

A post shared by Igor Chernomzav (@igor1313) on Mar 4, 2018 at 9:38pm PST

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SBB Research
"Two executives at a Northbrook hedge fund have been charged with fraud after allegedly cheating clients out of over a million dollars," the Sun-Times reports.

"Samuel Barnett and Matthew Aven, top executives at SBB Research Group, LLC, used their own valuation model to inflate the value of their investments, the Securities and Exchange Commission said.

"The pair used that model to misstate the fund's historical performance and overcharged investors about $1.4 million in fees, the SEC said."

Borrrring. How do you follow Hard Eight Futures?

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"Founded in 2010, SBB Research Group is a Chicago-area investment management firm that specializes in creating bespoke funds designed to deliver consistent returns while providing downside protection for investor capital."

"The launch of the bespoke product has been rising of late," Neena Mishra, director of ETF research at Zacks Investment Research, told the Wall Street Journal in 2016. "Individual investors need to be wary."

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Samuel Barnett reportedly founded SBB in his dorm room almost a decade ago.

Barnett said to be "not sure what the feds mean about 'a decade of fraud.'"

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The Northbrook Tower, 2014: NB's SBB Research Group Shakes Things Up In Finance.

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I'd rather work at Hard Eight.

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David Zazove
"A Cook County judge has awarded more than $8 million in damages to Ray Cahnman, a prominent Chicago trader, for losses he sustained from mismanagement of his real estate ventures, mostly by a former friend," the Sun-Times reports.

"Associate Judge Sanjay Tailor, ruling on a complex case with nearly a six-year history in the court system, said Cahnman associate David Zazove breached his fiduciary duty and was guilty of 'egregious self-dealing' in managing the investments. The suit established that, unbeknownst to Cahnman, Zazove paid himself management fees and commissions he wasn't entitled to under their partnership agreement . . .

"Tailor held Zazove liable for $7.7 million. In the ruling Sept. 16, Tailor also said another defendant, Stephen Barron of Barron Development, owes Cahnman more than $476,000.

"Zazove declined to comment. Cahnman's attorney, Karen Levine, said Barron already has paid the settlement.

"Cahnman said he's unsure what he can collect from Zazove, as the evidence showed he had little income other than what he misappropriated from the real estate. Their ventures included the Timber Court condo complex in Arlington Heights, a condo project in Milwaukee and a four-story commercial building at 3045 N. Lincoln Ave."

Zazove!

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Uber Uber Alles

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New on the Beachwood today . . .

IRS: Sorry, But It's Just Easier And Cheaper To Audit The Poor
"The IRS has acknowledged that's true but professes it can't change anything unless it is given more money."

And guess what? Republicans have gutted the IRS's budget.

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The White Sox Season In Verse
Now with new poems. Submit yours! We're also accepting Cubs poems.

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Dessert Menus Shrinking
"Moving forward, expect those who are truly looking to provide innovative dessert offerings to increasingly experiment with toppable beverages, such as milkshakes and hot chocolate, as well as spicy flavor profiles and dairy-free desserts that don't compromise on taste."

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ChicagoReddit

I tried to report a dog on the side of the highway and the person I spoke with said that the "grassy area before the Garfield Boulevard on ramp to 90/94 going east" wasn't specific enough to file the report. from r/chicago

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ChicagoGram

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 53rd Street - Hyde Park (@53rdst_hp) on Sep 19, 2019 at 12:33pm PDT

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ChicagoTube

Ariana Grande visiting Museum of Science and Industry, Chicago (3/7/19).

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BeachBook

A Pizza Company Has Finally Gone The Distance And Put Tiny Chairs To Match The Little Table That Comes With Pizzas.

Also viable for pizza dibs.

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Japanese KitKats Are Replacing Plastic Packaging with Origami Paper You Can Turn into Cranes.

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Trump Tweeted 'Billions Of Dollars' Would Be Saved On Military Contracts. Then The Pentagon Fired The Official Doing That.

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TweetWood
A sampling of the delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport.

When they came for the Latinos ... https://t.co/kIJstvrDYd

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) October 3, 2019

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Little-known "You're It" provision of the Constitution: If Trump is impeached and removed, the last foreign president he touched becomes our president. https://t.co/IFIk4BneoZ

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) October 3, 2019

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Trump on China trade talks: "If they don't do what we want, we have tremendous power." ...
One minute later: "China should start an investigation into the Bidens."

— David Nakamura (@DavidNakamura) October 3, 2019

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The Beachwood Tip Line-O-Rama: Moldy.

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