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The [Thursday] Papers
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Unbearable
In case you haven't heard, the Bears open the NFL season tonight at Soldierz Field against the Packers. But we may already have in hand the season's worst take:
Hard to argue with Chris Tabor's defense of the way the #Bears went about their exhaustive kicker search: "You say unconventional ... If we would just do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, I think that's the definition of insanity."
— Adam Hoge (@AdamHoge) September 2, 2019
Actually it's the easiest thing in the world to argue.
First, it was madness! Are you kidding me?
Second, none of the nine kickers in their competition made the team! Once they were done with their scientifically, consultant-added kick-off, they went out and traded for Eddy Pineiro instead!
Oh, but that's not all. The Bears had such confidence in Pineiro that they then tried to trade for Baltimore's Kaare Vedvik. The Vikings got him instead - and he was so bad they released him.
So yeah, finding it hard to argue against the Bears' approach takes an awful lot of strenuous work, beat-sweetening and blue-and-orange-colored glasses.
Scott Mitchell Trubisky
"Mitch Trubisky . . . currently resides in the Bortles Valley where you can be a top-3 draft pick and have people still be shocked when you do something capable on the field," Drew Magary writes for Deadspin.
He's not wrong!
"There are times when Mitch looks razor sharp, and then there are times when he looks like he just converted from playing slot receiver."
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The rest of Magary's piece is gold, including, "Rahm's not mayor anymore! You're FREE. Until he goes on television again eight seconds from now."
Go read it all.
Sweet & Sour
WGN-TV premiered Savoring Sweetness: The Life and Times of Walter Payton last night.
If you savor the truth, though, you'll have to read the book.
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In the Beachwood today . . .
Chicago Predicts The Bears Season
We have the best, most comprehensive and surprising aggregation of Bears predictions you'll find anywhere!
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The Truth About The New Halas Hall
(Hint: It's absurd.)
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Coffee Talk
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New on the Beachwood . . .
State Terrorism Task Force Distributes STOP The Bleed Kits To Every Illinois School
"A STOP the Bleed kit contains a C-A-T tourniquet, QuikClot Bleeding Control Dressing, Emergency Trauma Dressing, MicroShield Mask, Nitrile gloves, Trauma shears, Permanent marker and Instruction card."
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ChicagoReddit
Hoping to adopt a dog, landlord asking us to pay for his liability insurance from r/chicago
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ChicagoGram
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ChicagoTube
Tyler, the Creator at UIC on Wednesday night.
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BeachBook
Alpine Valley Sold For $7.5 Million.
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TweetWood
A sampling of the delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport.
Among the subjects of Trump's dishonesty last week:
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) September 4, 2019
- His wife and Kim Jong Un
- The existence of Category 5 hurricanes
- The time of the G7 climate meeting
- Lawrence O'Donnell's 2015 apology to him
- His position on the Iraq War
Full list of 62 here:https://t.co/mPe7Vsn4Uv
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Village Idiot Offers Congrats To Poland For Nazi Invasion That Decimated Their Country and Killed Millions - https://t.co/ZgdeupW4Kq via @commondreams
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) September 5, 2019
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Northwestern Doctoral Student Embarrasses Joe Biden https://t.co/kj8CeEZ5R4 via @Splinter_news
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) September 5, 2019
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... to make this joke my aides wrote for me and get it turned into a Washington Post headline in a desperate attempt to change the narrative. pic.twitter.com/9SoGp7bEHA
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) September 5, 2019
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why isn't anyone mentioning he was able to find Alabama on the map? That's pretty good! https://t.co/aKGTjJWXxG
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 4, 2019
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Ohio is days away from purging hundreds of thousands of names from its voter rolls, with voting rights groups raising alarms & the state press discovering errors. https://t.co/hS3yhxx0c0
— Taniel (@Taniel) September 5, 2019
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We see governments on the right commit human rights abuses.
— Andrew Stroehlein (@astroehlein) September 5, 2019
We see governments on the left commit human rights abuses.
We see communists, nationalists, socialists, self-professed "democrats" all commit abuses.
Don't look at the label; look at what they do.
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Chance The Snapper just saw his shadow, which means another six years of coverage including Frank Robb's wedding, divorce and fantasy football league.
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) September 5, 2019
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The Beachwood Tip Your Cap Line: Sometimes you just gotta do it.
Posted on September 5, 2019
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