The [Thursday] Papers

"A couple of years ago, the graduation ceremony at Galesburgh High School had come to resemble a circus, but without the calming influence of elephants," the Tribune's Steve Chapman writes this morning.

"Students were dancing and making hand signs; friends in the audience were jumping up and raising a racket with air horns."

Cool!

Go Galesburg!

"Deluged with complaints from parents and others who couldn't see or hear at crucial moments, local officials decided a change was in order."

Oh.

Crucial moments? At a high school commencement?

The only crucial moment is the one when it's over.

"Back in 1999, Ravinia banned Lake Forest High School from holding commencement exercises there after students and parents threw marshmallows, trampled flowers, ignored no-smoking signs and insulted employees."

Threw marshmallows?

Cool!

Go Lake Forest!

"Some people think that a commencement is a celebration, and that celebrations by definition should be unrestrained. By that logic, wedding guests should be blowing noisemakers during the recitation of vows."

Damn straight!

Chapman has apparently only been to one kind of wedding - the worst kind.

And this just in: "Galesburg School Relents On Diplomas."

Good. It's about time they grew up.

Casino Royale
Former Chicago Bear Shaun Gayle and fellow Emerald Casino investor Chaz Ebert take to the papers today to plead their case for refunds. Gayle's incomprehensible argument appears on the Sun-Times Op-Ed page, while Ebert's whinefest manifests itself as a letter to the Tribune.

Dead Tree Syndrome
Both papers sent reporters out to Rosemont to check out a tree that bears a likeness to the town's dead mayor and acted as if it was a real news story.

Obamafication
The Sun-Times is withdrawing its story, linked here yesterday, that Barack Obama has just reversed his support for the Defense of Marriage Act. In fact, the paper says today in a clarification (last item), Obama switched his position in early 2004 when he was running for the U.S. Senate.

Obama Oops
Miscalculation.

That's Stella!
Stella Foster certainly hopes Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett love each other.

The Cicada Diet
"Descriptions of the taste range from shrimp to canned asparagus to not much at all."
- USA Today

"They taste like almonds."
- RedEye

"They taste like raw potato."
- Northwest Herald

"I found them woodsy and nutty at first, kind of crunchy. And there was a creamy peanut butter taste under them that was not unpleasant"
- ABC News

"Clam-flavored potato."
- National Geographic

"Potato with some flavor in it."
- RedEye

"At first it tasted nutty, with a finish like asparagus."
- Chicago Suburban News

"They have an earthy, potato-like taste.
- Chicago Wilderness Magazine

"They taste like cold canned asparagus."
- Inside the Mount, College of Mount St. Joseph

"They taste like avocado with a dash of clam juice."
- Northwest Indiana Times

"They're like a juicy almond."
- Sun-Times

"It wasn't bad, tasted a little like chicken," said sixth-grader Sam Freedland. "Not KFC or Popeye's though, more like the kind you get at Dominick's."
- Daily Herald

"They had a weird taste that I've never experienced before that I can only describe as disgusting," said 13-year-old seventh-grader Laura Zimmermann. "I'm trying to get the taste out now with the rest of my peanut butter sandwich, and if that doesn't work, maybe some chocolate."
- Daily Herald

You said it, sister.

- Bethany Lankin

The Beachwood Tip Line: Good to the last drop.