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The [Thursday] Papers
A few of my not-favorite things.
Cutler and Cuba and Bruce Rauner's Trash Van,
Kromer and Trestman and Obama's rad plan,
Putin and Sony and "The Interview,"
Daley sure left us a big pile of poo
Pat Quinn and Pat Kane, not two of a kind
Langford and Corgan, just one I don't mind
Ryan and Blago, one's still stuck in jail
Please tell Michelle I don't want no more kale
CPS, CPD, CIA, take 'em
Frack them and crack them and drown in the lake 'em
George Lucas, from Donald please take a clue
Don't Trump up the lakefront or Friends of will sue
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Yeah, I couldn't get cream-colored ponies in there.
*
Maybe we'll bring back Beachwood carols this year. Whaddya think?
Backup Blues
If Josh McCown were still around, he probably would have been starting long ago - when the Bears season could still be saved.
Jimmy Clausen, on the other hand, is so bad he's not even the most popular person in the city, which is the role a back-up quarterback famously plays around here and elsewhere.
Astonishingly, Clausen was the Bears' plan if Cutler got hurt this year. More astonishingly, this is the one year Cutler hasn't gotten hurt.
In other words, Situation Normal All Fucked Up.
Cuba Tuba
To American journalists, the island nation consists solely of cigars and baseball players. Maybe the smarter ones think about things like the automobile aftermarket.
Oh sure, there's localization. Like this:
I'm trying to figure out what this means for the Cuban people - you know, actual humans, known only to us as "a market."
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My initial thoughts - without taking a position on normalizing relations - turned to this:
"In recent years, journalist jailings in the Americas have become increasingly rare, with one documented in each 2012 and 2013. This year, the region has two: a Cuban blogger was sentenced to five years in prison in retaliation for his critical blog, and in Mexico, an independent journalist and activist for Mayan causes has been charged with sedition."
*
And then my thoughts turned to Sneed, and her inevitable retelling of drinking yak's milk or goat yogurt or whatever the hell it was (see the item Sneedlings) with George Ryan and Fidel Castro in Havana.
WTF? We only got Ryan. Maybe she's saving the rest for Sunday.
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Most Transparent Pt. 3,243,947
Obama's Justice Department Secretly Helped Kill FOIA Transparency Bill.
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Go Fightin' Clausens!
In The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report.
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TweetWood
#Bears accede to North Korea's demands, bench Cutler.
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 18, 2014*
Jimmy Clausen has also been named the new state comptroller.
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 18, 2014*
Jimmy Clausen agrees to star in "The Interview 2: The American Empire Strikes Back."
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 18, 2014*
Clinton/Clausen.
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 18, 2014*
Worse, CPS bought Cutler contract swap.
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 18, 2014*
Cutler: Coach Killer. Clausen: Clown Killer.
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 18, 2014-
The Beachwood Tip Line: Most favored.
Posted on December 18, 2014
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