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The [Thursday] Papers

"'You expect to get beat up by the police, but you don't expect to get electrocuted or shocked,'' [Anthony] Holmes said Wednesday, the first day of Burge's federal jury trial on perjury and obstruction of justice charges," the Sun-Times reports.


"In the chronology of victims assembled in the last 20 years, Holmes is the first to have alleged he was given electric shock at Burge's hands," John Conroy notes at the Burge trial blog he's writing for Vocalo. "Unlike other victims whose claims became known through documents filed by the victim or his attorney, Holmes's story became public because of a chain of events, set in motion by an anonymous police officer, 16 years after Holmes was wired up."

Don't Tell Daley
"The son of an elderly Army veteran who shot and killed a would-be burglar early Wednesday morning says the situation exemplifies why Chicago's law banning guns is flawed," NBC Chicago reports.

"'That's an open door for people like this suspect to enter people's homes, especially [the] elderly. They can prey on them,' said Butch Gant."


Don't get me wrong; like Mick Dumke, I support stringent gun control measures. But unlike Richard M. Daley, I think discussing the issue and imagining a range of solutions is permissible in polite society.


Gant's father isn't unlike Otis McDonald - an elderly black man and crime victim trying to protect himself and his family in a rough neighborhood.


"Crime is still too high in Chicago, but without the handgun ban, it would likely be even higher," Chapman University professor Lawrence Rosenthal wrote in a brief filed before the Supreme Court.

"In high-crime drug- and gang-ridden communities, criminals are all too likely to exploit a right to bear arms to terrorize the community and engage in violent competition for the spoils of the drug trade. There is no 'well-regulated militia' in these communities."


Yes, the same Lawrence Rosenthal that used to work for Daley. But still.


"Those of us who live in Chicago know the longtime mayor, Richard M. Daley, has a habit of shooting his mouth off," Cynthia Bowers reports for CBS News. "This past week he very nearly put a weapon where his mouth is."

His mouth is up Mick Dumke's ass?


Memo to Mick: Never thought your butt would be the subject of so many - any - news stories, huh?

Roeper Doeper
"At a Chicago screening of Sex and the City 2 the other night, there was a moment when a piece of jewelry was front and center on the big screen," Richard Roeper writes today.

"'Damn!' exclaimed a woman in the audience. Chuckles all around.

"At another juncture, there was a kiss. A woman near me sighed audibly and quietly said, 'Oh.'

"This is the thing about the differences between men and women: They still exist."


For example, men aren't interested in jewelry at all!

And kissing? Ugh!

Tomorrow: Jokes about a man's right to leave the toilet seat up and how aggravating it is when wifey burns the meat loaf.

The Daley Show
"Mayor Daley criticized the Illinois General Assembly today for attempting to borrow its way out of the state pension crisis - even though he's using the same approach on a lesser scale to bankroll police back pay," the Sun-Times reports.

"Daley's public rebuke flies in the face of his own plan to authorize a $160 million short-term borrowing to finance retroactive pay raises for Chicago Police officers awarded by an independent arbitrator.

"Isn't it hypocritical for the mayor to sit in judgment of state lawmakers for borrowing when he's doing the same thing on a lesser scale?

"'Well, eventually, we'll pay it right back,' Daley said. 'It's a very small amount of money. It's very short. That's nothing compared to the state. We will pay that right back because we have to do that.'"


Daley then threatened to shove borrowed money up the reporter's ass to prove how effective it is.

That's Stella!
"At the rate violent crime is occurring in this city, more people may start thinking that help from the National Guard is not a bad idea," Stella Foster writes.

Totally! I mean, if crime keeps dropping like this . . .

"Chicago Police Supt. Jody 'The Robot' Weis mentioned that he is open to having his huge $310,000-a-year salary reduced if necessary in order to get a new three-year contract," Foster continues. "And I say, rightly so . . . I am glad that he realizes that he is getting paid waaaaaay too much money."

Actually, what Weis said was that if Stella Foster was willing to take a pay cut in order to "rightsize" her salary, he'd be willing too.


Also: Violent crime down nationwide. Boy, this country really is depressed . . . everyone's at home tucked under the covers or something, too worn down to even kick a pest in the shins.

Thanks For The Joy
"To those still in love with poodle skirts, sock hops and many a broken-down Wurlitzer 1015-Bubbler with its iconic yellow catalin plastic, James R. 'Jim' Van de Walker was truly a jukebox hero," the Tribune reports.

"Affectionately referred to as 'Juke Box Jim,' the longtime Elgin resident was a cement truck driver in the early 1970s when, at a flea market, he picked up a classic jukebox that was in desperate need of repair. It became the first in a long line of antique music machines that Mr. Van de Walker restored and resold in his small shop, some for upwards of $5,000."

Pinball Heroes
Live from Cokato, Minnesota.

Cubs vs. Hawks
Cubs: Star player gets paid to hop in the outfield.
Hawks: Star player hops out of cabs without paying.

More at Agony & Ivy.

Slacker P.I.
Episode 1: Reverse Psychology


The Beachwood Tip Line: Hopping.


Posted on May 27, 2010

MUSIC - Madonna vs. Moderna.
TV - Sundays With The Military-Industrial Complex.
POLITICS - Private Equity In The ER.
SPORTS - Suspicious Betting Trends In Soccer.

BOOKS - China Holding Swedish Publisher.


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