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The [Thursday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

1. "I have a great idea that I plan to share with my readers at the proper time regarding the violence in and around Chicago Public Schools that has been all over the news," Stella Foster writes this morning.

The proper time being:

A) After three more kids are killed
B) After I type up the rest of these press releases
C) Once I find out if the union conceded my job


Speculation on Stella's solution:

- Rent out a barn and put on a fashion show

- Deploy the National Guard and their new fancy stinkbombs

- Start awarding gold stars for good behavior

- Give those kids a good talking to

- Make all kids sent to juvy read her column every day

2. The education reform merry-go-round.

3. The best education reform idea out there is a good job at a good wage for every parent who wants one. That also happens to be the best crime-fighting strategy.

4. Attorney General Eric Holder says Derrion Albert's death is "a wake-up call."

Really? Was Holder sleeping?

5. Please, no more calls for "national conversations." The nation converses each and every day. Mostly about pols who are all talk, no action.

6. You can't have a dialogue when the participants aren't honest.

7. "The council's got to start rolling up its sleeves and doing the work it was elected to do," says Ald. Bob Fioretti.

Oh really? It's finally time to start?


And what's your first order of business, Bob?

8. Asked and answered - unanimously approving the mayor's appointment of another schlub.


Fioretti: Okay, now we have to roll up our sleeves and get to work!

9. "Tired of Talk: LBGTs Want Action."

Get in line. And bring plenty of change for the meter and something to read.

10. The Obama administration refuses stimulus contract transparency.

11. "Some states are bending the rules that govern the use of the education stimulus dollars, according to a report released last week by the Department of Education's inspector general," ProPublica reports. "The report, which carried the deceptively bland title 'Potential Consequences of the Maintenance of Effort Requirements under the ARRA Fiscal Stabilization Fund,' found that some states are using the program to reduce their own funding for public education."

12. "It was the most expensive campaign in Chicago history - $3.3 million per vote."

13. "The just-launched will make public all kinds of government data, everything from crime statistics to restaurant inspections and street fixes," the San Francisco Examiner reports. "The City is challenging technology-savvy folks in town to create applications based upon that data - such as a detailed, easy-to-read crime map - so residents can more readily be kept informed."

Sheesh. And we can't even find out who hired Angelo Torres . . .

14. Todd Stroger Wants To Direct. A horror show in the making.

15. Trib sues U of I. Wants clout names.

16. Roland Keeps Rolling. Continues to play make-believe.

17. The Return of Jim Ryan? Please don't.

18. The Statler Brothers were neither named Statler nor brothers. Discuss.

19. Doing David Letterman. A video montage.

20. The bankrupt Tribune Company wants to pay select executives bonuses equaling almost three times what Jim Tyree is paying for the Sun-Times Media Group. In Valuing the Sun-Times.


The mystery bidder who didn't get his shit together in time, by the way, was Yusef Jackson.

21. Beachwood Sports:

* Have you seen my crack pipe? In Over/Under.

* Free Blount. In The College Football Report.

* Dis and Dat, Dem and Dose. By George Ofman.

* Right about Knox, right about Mendenhall. In Fantasy Fix.

* And The World Series Champ Is . . .

* And The World Series Storyline Is . . .

22. Daley reacts to Olympic loss.


The Beachwood Tip Line: Cool for cats.


Posted on October 8, 2009

MUSIC - Millions Of New Guitar Players.
TV - "One America News" is AT&T.
POLITICS - When Wall Street Came To My Mobile Home Park.
SPORTS - Tonyball, Bears On The Run, Eyes On The Sky & More!

BOOKS - China Holding Swedish Publisher.


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