The [Thursday] Papers

There will be no Papers today, this week has gone awry and I have to attend to business that's piled up. But if you missed our piece "Chicago 2040" yesterday, go read it now. It's really funny. Because it's true.

The [Wednesday] Papers

The new Sun-Times: RedderEye.

Same inanity, poorer execution.

And one's free.

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By the way, Serena Williams and Common were not the participants in that baseball brawl.

So, yeah, design problems too.

Pet Council
"After a three-hour hearing that starred [Bob Barker], the City Council's License Committee took no action on the spay and neutering mandate," the Sun-Times reports.

Must. Resist. Obvious. Bob Barker. Jokes.

What, Drew Carey wasn't available?

Pet Peeves
"Somebody will say this is an intentional distraction from the city's looming budget deficit," writes Mark Brown, who spent a couple of hours on Tuesday listening to city council testimony.

It's working!

Bennigan's Beat
* Who is lamer, Richard Roeper for standing in line to get into the Bennigan's in Calumet City or Michael Jordan for taking ex-wife Juanita to Bennigan's on their first date?

Flair Fallout
"Angry customers must now walk extra three blocks to TGIFs."
- Marty Gangler

Office Space
The big question no one asked in the papers today: Who gets that prime Michigan Avenue space?

Early Beachwood leaderboard:

* O'Briens: 2-1
* Panda Express: 15-1
* The Children's Museum: 25-1

Everybody Poops
Page 14 Metro story in the Sun-Times: "Guilty Plea For Defecating In Cell."

Hyperlocal news is here!

Motives
Did a man really lose an eye because he's a Sox fan?

Anything could have started that fight - even a debate of the merits of Bennigan's vs. TGIFs.

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"Boguslaw Czapla acknowledged that he and his brother are Cubs fans but said he does not recall any discussions about the teams during the gathering," the Tribune reports, under the headline "Baseball Rivalry Turned Violent At July 19 Party, Police Say: 3 Cubs fans charged in fight that cost Sox fan an eye."

*

"3 arrested in Brewers-Cubs brawl at Miller Park."

Christ, here come the trend stories.

Why Not Six?
"Aldermen Agree To Take Part In City Furlough Plan."

They'll take three unpaid days off.

A) Will spend time at fundraisers instead of jobs.
B) They agree to make up for it with their next pay raise.
C) Unpaid days off will be the next three Saturdays.

Got Brains?
"Milk and country just seem to go hand-in-hand in terms of wholesome imagery," Lewis Lazare writes today.

Because nothing says wholesome like songs about drinking, cheating, screwing, screwing while drunk, cheating while screwing, gambling, gambling drunk, brawling, brawling while cheating, and all-around rambling like country.

Gov. Baloneyvich
The governor continues to say he won't sign campaign finance reform legislation because it isn't tough enough, and then sets out on a fundraising binge to prove his point.

World Wide Wait
It's been more than a month since the Tribune's Internet critic has posted to his blog.

Contrary Mary
Mary Schmich offers upsides of bad economic news today. For example, "Home is home again. It's not an ATM or a castle."

Well, yes, for those who still have their home.

Here's a potential upside, though: Maybe Mary Schmich will lose her job.

Budget Beat
"Daley Warns That City Will Have A Huge Deficit."

Maybe a new spay and neutering law could fill it.

Ballpark Estimates
"The size of the city's budget shortfall, however, remained a moving target Tuesday," the Tribune reports.

"'A couple hundred million dollars,' Daley told reporters.

"Later, Daley spokeswoman Jacquelyn Heard amended that statement.

"'When the mayor said a couple hundred million dollars, he didn't mean it literally,' Heard said. 'He meant it in general terms, as in , More than a few hundred million.'

Okay, the only thing I can figure from this is that she amended the deficit size upward - from a couple hundred million, meaning, say, $200 million, to more than a few hundred million, say, more than $300 million.

Which means it's really going to clock in at about twice that.

Stimulus Response
Should you get another stimulus check?

A) Only if it goes on George W. Bush's American Express card.
B) Only if by "stimulus" you mean it comes with a vial of crack.
C) Yes, we'll just raise taxes to pay for it.

Local Yokel
"Daley Warns That City Will Have A Huge Deficit"

Maybe a stimulus check would help.

Tell Mell
"Only 25 Apply For Mell's Gun-Registration Amnesty."

Wouldn't this have worked better as an undercover sting instead of a real ordinance?

Home Again
"Visitors from across the globe are in town marveling at the architecture, visiting the museums, posing in front of the Bean," the Tribune wrote on Sunday.

"But away from the lures of the lakefront and the Loop, there's a truer Chicago."

Yes, one the Trib ignores so sufficiently that it feels compelled to make a special series out of writing about it.

The Beachwood Tip Line: Make your dreams come true.

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