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The [Thursday] Papers

1 The bad news: "Mike North Mulling 4 Offers To Stay In Town."

And how many to leave?

2. The good news: Steve Stone may move to the Sox TV booth.

3. The bad news: Hawk Harrelson would still be there, so the broadcasts would still be unviewable.

4. "United Hopes To Raise $1 Billion In Snack Sales."

"Starting Aug. 1, passengers who get the midair munchies on select United Airlines flights will be able to buy chips, cookies, candy and trail mix, all for $3 apiece."

So a bag of ten chips will cost you $30.

"What will $3 get you? Jumbo-size snacks, weighing 4 to 5 ounces, that previously weren't available onboard the Chicago-based carrier's flights."

Only in the American aviation system of 2008 are 4-ounce snacks considered "jumbo."

"In addition, United raised the price of alcoholic beverages for passengers flying coach in the U.S. by $1, to $6, as of Tuesday."

Okay, that hurts. If I'm going to pay $6 for a [crappy domestic] beer, I want to be watching at a baseball game with half-naked fans while drinking it.

Here's an idea for United: Raise a billion dollars by providing stellar service.

5. Ditto.

6. "With the cutbacks . . . the Times will unify its print and Web staffs into a single editorial operation of more than 700 people under a single budget."

Perhaps nothing says more about the stupidity of the newspaper industry than the fact that there was ever a separation between print and Web staff, except maybe that it's taken so long to resolve the split.

7. "Twice, Rezko violated the home-confinement terms of his bail," the Sun-Times reports, "by making 'social calls' - including last September to the home of former top Cook County official Orlando Jones after Jones committed suicide."

Paging Dan Burton!

8. "HDO was never as much about Hispanic political empowerment as about which Hispanics would have the power," Mark Brown writes.

9. "You may have read by now the official lie about this treatment, which is that it 'simulates' the feeling of drowning," Christopher Hitchens writes. "This is not the case. You feel that you are drowning because you are drowning - or, rather, being drowned, albeit slowly and under controlled conditions and at the mercy (or otherwise) of those who are applying the pressure. The 'board' is the instrument, not the method. You are not being boarded. You are being watered. This was very rapidly brought home to me when, on top of the hood, which still admitted a few flashes of random and worrying strobe light to my vision, three layers of enveloping towel were added. In this pregnant darkness, head downward, I waited for a while until I abruptly felt a slow cascade of water going up my nose. Determined to resist if only for the honor of my navy ancestors who had so often been in peril on the sea, I held my breath for a while and then had to exhale and - as you might expect - inhale in turn. The inhalation brought the damp cloths tight against my nostrils, as if a huge, wet paw had been suddenly and annihilatingly clamped over my face. Unable to determine whether I was breathing in or out, and flooded more with sheer panic than with mere water, I triggered the pre-arranged signal and felt the unbelievable relief of being pulled upright and having the soaking and stifling layers pulled off me. I find I don't want to tell you how little time I lasted."


But he held up much better during the whiskeyboarding segment.

- Tim Willette

10. This is pretty cool. Look at the whole gallery.

11. But it would be cooler to make human guitars.

12. Memo to Eric Zorn and Ralph Martire: The reason we can't have an adult conversation about taxes in this city, county, state and country is because of the people we elect to spend them. Do you really want to give more of your money to Richie Daley and Todd Stroger so they can oil up their friends? To Rod the Reformer Blagojevich?

I happen to believe in high-tax, high-service governmental entities. But you have to get what you pay for. In a state like Minnesota, you come a lot closer in terms of education, social services and so on. But paying taxes here is like paying protection money to the crime bosses. And that's why what's most paramount is electing honest officeholders - regardless of party affiliation.

13. Also, the sales tax is regressive. It's all about the income tax and corporate giveaways. Don't go after consumers and small businesses.

14. Here's an idea: Let's tax stupid ideas!

15. Holiday Week Craigslist Roundup.

16. CTA alert for the holiday weekend: Expect delays, derailments, fires.

17. The first photo in this gallery appeared in today's Trib, demonstrating a lucrative new market for the Segway.

Don't show the mayor!

The last photo shows that Chinese officials are prepared to attack athletes who dare to finish in the wrong order.

18. "June 23 was officially 'Olympic Day' in Chicago," Ben Joravsky writes. "Silly me, I thought every day was Olympic Day in the great city of Chicago."

19. "Blagojevich's tax message: Vote Republican?"

20. Barrett and Pierzynski at it again.

The Beachwood Tip Line: Free snacks, stellar service.


Posted on July 3, 2008

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - COVID Bowl Toteboard.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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