The [Thursday] Papers

That's funny, I consulted a psychic recently who predicted the Sun-Times would do this story. And that it would be inane.

Die already, newspapers. Just die.

Copyright Violation
So now the fist bump is a Michelle Obama "trademark"? Do reporters live under rocks? People have been fist-bumping for, um, you know, years.

Memo to media: Here's another new thing you probably haven't seen before.

RIP Solve
Memorials. Tributes.

Claim Check
"I doubt that an unsubstantiated allegation that Cindy McCain used the N-word during a rant would have been handled the same way," Mary Mitchell writes today, referring to rumors that Michelle Obama used the word "whitey."

Mitchell is right: The McCain campaign would have been besieged - and rightly so - a thousand times more intensely. Are you kidding me?

Someone please freeze Mary Mitchell in a cryogenic tank until the campaign is over.

That's Mary!
"Never in history has a candidate's wife been attacked like this," some schmuck from the Heartland Institute tells Mitchell.

It's true. This is so much worse than the Hillary Clinton murders.

Michelle Makeover
"She's the real deal, not some overcoached, carefully packaged facsimile."
- Sun-Times editorial on Michelle Obama, today

"Now her husband's presidential campaign is giving her image a subtle makeover, with a new speech in the works to emphasize her humble roots and a tough new chief of staff. On Wednesday, Mrs. Obama will do a guest turn on The View, the daytime talk show on ABC, with an eye toward softening her reputation."

- The New York Times, yesterday on the front page

It's working!

P.S.: Nice touch sending a thank-you note to Laura Bush - and letting the media know about it.

Bear Wear
A pair of nylons?

Ocean's 11
"You've got Jesse Jackson Jr., an incumbent Democrat, blasting a fellow Democrat, Debbie Halvorson, for an airport governance bill that he says creates greater opportunity for corruption. State Rep. David Miller (D-Lynwood) buttressed Jackson's criticism with a scathing letter that lit into Halvorson for the same reasons," Kristen McQueary writes.

"In connecting Halvorson and her legislation to pay-to-play politics, Jackson and Miller took a red-hot poker to her campaign, which inevitably helps her Republican opponent in the 11th District race, Marty Ozinga.

"It's the last thing Democrats in Washington want - a Democrat damaging a race they want desperately to win. U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi personally prodded Halvorson to run. Halvorson is likely to get a speaking gig at the Democratic National Convention to boost her profile.

"Meanwhile, Ozinga leads a cement company that holds an exclusive and lucrative contract with the city of Chicago. Ozinga has donated regularly to Mayor Richard Daley's political organizations and to Gov. Rod Blagojevich, often targets of Jackson's bluster."

As McQueary writes, there is an alternative to business as usual: The Green Party candidate.

Flood Control
Check out the Des Moines Register's photo galleries.

The home page is a more arresting place to start as I type this, but who knows when that page will change.

When The Levee Breaks
I'm going to Chicago.

Magic Bus
"We whizzed past cars, steered suddenly back into the right lane, then back over again," Mick Dumke writes. "People around me cast each other looks combining thrill and terror. Air whistled through gaps where the windows were open slightly. We were still accelerating. We hit one of the many potholes on the drive, seemed to go airborne, and slammed down again with a crash that left some wondering if the bus might possibly break in two."

Just Sayin'
I admit I haven't paid attention to the details, but doesn't the mayor's new proposal to allow bikes in bus lanes sound like a recipe for disaster?

Tomato Paste
Bad news for Adobo Grill, but I'm guessing their tableside guacamole is still freakin' awesome.

Money Man
"In a widely expected decision, Sen. Barack Obama announced this morning that his Democratic presidential bid will reject public financing. He announced the decision in an Internet video to supporters," the Swamp reports.

"It will be the first time a presidential nominee has not agreed to limit his spending and accept public financing since the system was put in place in 1976."

So . . . change we can cash in on?

"This means we'll be forgoing more than $80 million in public funds during the final months of this election," Obama said.

Well, depending on what you mean by the word "forgoing," because of course he's rejecting public financing because he can raise more money - you know, the stuff he wants to take out of politics - the private way.

"Obama had pledged late last year to stick to the public financing system, if the Republican nominee agreed to do the same."

Which the Republican nominee did.

"But in his video to supporters, he called the existing system 'broken' and argues his Internet fundraising approach is a better one."

It broke between then and now.

"It's not an easy decision, and especially because I support a robust system of public financing of elections," he said.

But, he added, I wouldn't be where I am today if I actually practiced what I preached.

Decal Duty
Seeing as how this is apparently allowed, I eagerly await a spate of Save Grant Park decals.

The Beachwood Tip Line: On time, budget.