Chicago - Feb. 11, 2012

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Parking Wars
A&E
8 p.m.
In the sixth-season opener, angry morning commuters are caught in Detroit; repeat offenders surface in Providence, R.I.; cars are booted at a graduation ceremony in Detroit. (tvguide.com)

Weather Derby
Tribune: 19/9
Sun-Times: 23/10
Weather Channel: 22/11
Natl Weather Svc.: 21/13
BWM*: 99/1

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There's no bright side, so you can stop expending energy looking for it.

Ellie
There are few universal conclusions about the effects of divorce versus unhappy marriages; instead, there are individuals, their specific problems and how they handle them.

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The [Thanksgiving] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

We're gonna start the holiday weekend a bit early here at Beachwood HQ. We do have a few new posts on tap for the next few days, but the Papers will not appear again until Monday. I will, however, post at Division Street on the latest political developments.

In the meantime, let's take a look back at some of the turkey time highlights from Beachwood from the last two years. I think you'll agree they're timeless.

* The [Thanksgiving] Papers 2006: The Pilgrims had no buckles. And turkeys can't fly. By Steve Rhodes.

* The [Thanksgiving] Papers 2007: Not even Whole Foods carries fresh praying mantis. (A Thanksgiving Poem for Children on the Subject of Gluttony). By Bethany Lankin.

* What I Watched Last Night: Giving thanks to the bounty that is bad TV. By Patrick Bataillon.

* Go Iraq: How to get the hell out of Iraq, as determined by the Pentagon and the Beachwood. By The Beachwood Study Group.

* Message to Cubs: Grow Your Own: The signing of Alfonso Soriano will do nothing to solve the Cubs' problems. By Don Jacobson.

* Devin Hester's Other Ridiculous Ways: He believes you should put money in bonds right now. By The Beachwood Ridiculous Affairs Desk.

* Meet the Hawkies: How ace Cubs marketer John McDonough will make the Blackhawks lovable. By The Beachwood Sports Marketing Affairs Desk.

* Booklist: A Beachwood Gift Guide: A gift guide produced by the Beachwood Book Lab. By M. L. Van Valkenburgh.

* Barista! Giving Peace A Chance: Barista gives peace a chance - and finds it lacking. By Maude Perkins.

* David Blaine: Alternate Endings: The hopes of a hundred children locked in the Target vault slip away as the oxygen runs out. By The Beachwood Gyroscope Affairs Desk.

* And get ready for: The Twelve Days of Cubness. Timeless indeed.

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, Sponsored By . . .