The [Thanksgiving 2018] Papers

Everything about this holiday is a lie.

1. Tryptophan Is Bullshit.

Fact Check: Does tryptophan in turkey make you sleepy?

Full Report: https://t.co/b2nP5aQZ1h pic.twitter.com/bFkmobroIC

— snopes.com (@snopes) November 21, 2018

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2. Dark Meat Is Way, Way Better Than White Meat.

It tastes way better and its richer in nutrients - especially when you consider that sugar, not fat, is the real killer in our diets.

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3. The Pilgrims Sucked.

Like a lot of things we should all know by now - evolution, Pizzagate, the Earth isn't flat - the Thanksgiving story is a particularly vicious lie.

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4. Black Friday Is A Scam.

"An analysis of this year's Black Friday deals by The Wall Street Journal and price-data firm Decide Inc. found that many of the bargains advertised as 'doorbusters' were available at lower prices at other times of the year."

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5. The Airport Won't Be Crowded On Sunday.

But reporters who merely propagate the cliched narratives of their editors' will tell you otherwise. That's not me.

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Speaking of Thanksgiving travel, this is interesting to know but who really flies with a turkey?

Speaking of turkey, yours is almost certainly contaminated with salmonella.

Yeah, here's the thing about Barack Obama "crashing" the Chicago Food Depository: Food banks and soup kitchens don't need volunteers on Thanksgiving - they are overwhelmed with folks seeking to do a good dead for the holiday. They need help the rest of the year - perhaps with a Community Benefits Agreement.

For some reason dinner is at 2:30 on Thanksgiving.

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The Beachwood McRibTipLine: Dark meat.

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