The [Thanksgiving 2016] Papers

"Need an alternative to the usual parade and sports TV-binging on Thanksgiving day? Let us at Ars suggest six hours of Mystery Science Theater 3000, which anybody can tune into today thanks to a free YouTube stream," Ars Technica suggests.

"The six-episode stream-a-thon begins at noon Eastern / 9 a.m. Pacific on the show's official YouTube channel, and it stands out for a few reasons. While MST3K's YouTube channel has a ton of classic episodes and clips, this marathon features the six episodes voted by series fans as bests, so it should be a good source of Thanksgiving vegetation. (The first film of the marathon, Pumaman, is a good tone-setter of what to expect today.)"

Dakota Jane
"Native Americans gathered at Standing Rock are approaching this Thanksgiving with deeply conflicted feelings. Do they observe the historically dissonant holiday, mourn the genocide of their ancestors, celebrate the 'water protector' movement, or break bread with Jane Fonda?" the Guardian reports.

"The actor and fitness guru is part of a delegation to the Standing Rock Sioux Reservation in North Dakota that will serve 500 people a Thanksgiving dinner of 30 pasture-raised turkeys from Bill Niman's ranch prepared by a locavore chef, according to a press release littered with boldface names."

Thanksgiving ER
"Thanksgiving is a holiday tailored for chaos - burning food, sharp knives and distant relatives reuniting are all recipes for disaster," ABC News reports.

"The most dangerous place on Thanksgiving is where everything comes together: the kitchen, said Dr. Rahul Sharma, emergency physician-in-chief at New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell. People are often distracted and multi-tasking, which can lead to injuries, he said."

Space Thanksgiving Sucks
"This Thanksgiving, be thankful that your feet are planted firmly on the ground, because a holiday feast in space looks pretty awful: Turkey and green beans come out of a sealed foil pouch, there is no pumpkin pie, and the cornbread dressing and mashed potatoes are freeze-dried," Eater reports.

"And much like food seems to taste more bland on an airplane, the absence of gravity while in orbit makes it hard for astronauts to taste their meals due to stuffy sinuses."

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Advice: Journalists And Imagination
"We really have to figure out how to tell the truth and not just report the facts."

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From the Beachwood sports desk . . .

Kool-Aid Report: Bears Half In The Bag
Rhino penises, gummy cocks and dirty nails.

Fantasy Fix: The 2016 Pope's Nose Awards
It's time for the annual awarding of a greasy, fatty turkey anus to the worst fantasy football performers of the season.

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BeachBook

Dark Meat.

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Bernie Sanders to media: That's a clown question, bro.

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Spike In Demand For Long-Acting Birth Control Strains Clinic Budgets.

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Questioning Donald Trump.

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Are Trump Towers And Hotels Across Globe Now Terror Risks?

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TweetWood
A sampling.

pic.twitter.com/HMR3pIBGiN

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) November 24, 2016

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pic.twitter.com/oEoxPAxmmy

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) November 24, 2016

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They shouted 'Heil Hitler!' at him. They said he 'should have been burned in the ovens.' It's happening more often https://t.co/FQyOMdjdVQ

— David Beard (@dabeard) November 24, 2016

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See Todd Ricketts in action in this unforgettable episode!

SCOOP: Trump likely to name Cubs co-owner TODD RICKETTS deputy commerce secretary.
As reported, Wilbur Ross is likely commerce secretary.

— Jennifer Jacobs (@JenniferJJacobs) November 24, 2016

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Trump's pick for Secretary of Education.

Interesting paragraph from @JaneMayerNYer's "Dark Money" re Betsy DeVos. pic.twitter.com/wXg9IHAoZz

— Tim Newman (@tnewmstweet) November 23, 2016

Trump's education secretary, Betsy DeVos, is the sister of Blackwater's Erik Prince. @JeremyScahill last week: https://t.co/lS2OOVOudU pic.twitter.com/Z2qzJ8vc5s

— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) November 23, 2016

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Trump's pick for U.S. Ambassador to the UN.

.@nikkihaley tried to block Syrian refugees from resettling in SC last year. Now she'll have to work w/new Sec Gen who used to run @Refugees

— Mark Leon Goldberg (@MarkLGoldberg) November 23, 2016

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Stunning to hear speakers @CommitteetoProtectJournalists' dinner talk about need to defend press freedoms in USA. Usually focus is overseas

— carol giacomo (@giacomonyt) November 23, 2016

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The Beachwood Tronc Line: Dark meat only.

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