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The [Monday] Papers

"Anyone who was surprised by North Carolina and UCLA's demise Saturday hasn't been paying close enough attention," writes our very own Jim Coffman in SportsMonday. "Memphis simply has more talent than any other team in this year's tournament (and that will usually do the trick if the coach can avoid screwing it up)."

Beachwood Baseball
* Nick Swisher is already the best White Sock.

* Uncle Lou doesn't have to explain his lineups to anyone. Now go get him another Falstaff.

Recorder's Deeds
"Cook County Recorder Gene Moore is looking for a consultant to help his staff better serve the public, but it's a very specific candidate he wants," the Sun-Times reports.

"Moore is now soliciting bids for a $25,000 customer service consultant, but all applicants must have at least 18 years' experience working with his office."

So if you have 17 years and 11 months in the office, forget about it. You're not the person the job description was written for.

Todd Squad
Todd Stroger is looking to hire yet another public relations consultant. Maybe he should hire a brain surgeon instead.


Stroger already spends more than $1 million in taxpayer money on a PR staff of 15. What, do they each say "no comment" in a different language?


"Stroger spokeswoman Ibis Antongiorgi wouldn't say what Stroger plans to spend on the consultant, or where the money will come from."

That's why they need a consultant; to figure out where the money will come from and how it will be spent. This is meta-government at its best.

The Daley Show
"The Daley administration has awarded more than $153 million in contracts over the past two months for testing, recruiting and hiring city employees," the Sun-Times reports.

This concludes today's lesson in Corrupting Reform 101.

Letter Perfect
"The mayor and many aldermen have taken every opportunity to obstruct, belittle and interfere with any effort to dismantle the patronage machine that has so loyally served them for years," Jay Stewart writes (second item).

Saint's Patron
The Tribune editorial page finds a way to slide a swipe at Hillary Clinton into a rant about state senate president Emil Jones without noting that Jones is Barack Obama's self-described political mentor without whom a President Obama would not be possible.

Save Swallow Cliff!
"Palos Park Mayor John Mahoney is leading a group of residents Tuesday to the Cook County Building to protest a forest preserve commission plan to demolish the shuttered Swallow Cliff toboggan slides in Palos Township," the Sun-Times reports.

"Mahoney and a group of residents will board a bus about 8 a.m. outside the Palos Park Village Hall, 8901 W. 123rd St., for the trip to downtown Chicago.

"'I'm told [the public] isn't allowed to speak during the meeting,' he said. 'I'm hoping they extend me a professional courtesy.'"

You're going about it all wrong, Mayor Mahoney. What you need to do is offer yourself as a consultant who will improve the image of the forest preserve by larding up the toboggan slides with patronage hires, like Sled Supervisors, Assistant Sled Pushers, and Flying Saucer Specialists.

Carter Curse
Neil Steinberg recalls going door-to-door for Jimmy Carter in 1976 because he "seemed smart, dynamic and a breath of fresh air."

Now, he despises Carter so much he advises Barack Obama to go nowhere near him even if an endorsement is offered.

You know, Barack Obama, the smart, dynamic breath of fresh air.


Remember how Carter was the candidate of hope and change? In 1976, he was known for his smile. Not so much by 1980.


Carter, by the way, was a rising star in the Navy who was selected by Hyman Rickover to serve on a nuclear sub. He was also a Korean War veteran. He served two terms in the Georgia state senate, ran an agriculture business, and was elected governor in 1970, where he implemented a reform agenda. In 1974, he served as chairman of the Democratic National Committee's congressional and gubernatorial compaigns.

In his 1976 presidential campaign, he railed against Washington D.C.'s corruption and special interests, and promised to unite the nation.

There are several lessons to consider here; I'll leave it up to you to find them.

P.S.: This was my response to a reader who reacted favorably to this item:

I guess I wanted to say, hey, let's not get fooled by the caricatures of these candidates. Jimmy Carter was portrayed as this down-home, humble smiley guy, but he was a Naval submarine star and a Korean War veteran and a very ambitious politician with far more experience than Obama who ended up kind of crumbling under the burdens of the office.

And a President Obama might turn out to be great, but let's not just get caught up in hope and change like he's the first guy to say those words. Sheesh.

Flak Jacket
The woman featured in a Sun-Times story on Sunday about the housing market is the vice president of communications and marketing for the CTA, which the paper failed to note. Couldn't find anyone else who has had trouble selling their home recently?

Indiana Wants Me
"Alone among the three presidential candidates Friday, Sen. Barack Obama decided against a personal pilgrimage to the city of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s death on the 40th anniversary of King's assassination."

"Queried about his absence in an NBC News interview Friday night, Obama responded that he chose to campaign in Indiana, where he said King's pleas have yet to be answered fully."

A) As opposed to Tennessee, where everything is peachy.
B) "Indiana is the last state left. Haven't you seen Hoosiers?" (- Andrew Kingsford)
C) I have a dream - that one day it will be more important to campaign in Indiana than honor my lame ass!

Programming Note
Don't forget to visit me at Division Street. If you go now, you can see the Palatine Militia readying itself for Cook County secession.

Moses Trivia
The studio's first pick to play the lead in Jaws was Charlton Heston, but Steven Spielberg chose Roy Scheider instead.

A Beachwood Reader Comments: Not insulting Roy Scheider, but Spielberg blew it. Just think about this line "Get your stinkin' teeth off me, you damned dirty shark!"

Beachwood Reader Paul Clark Responds: Scheider never got bit by the shark, so Heston, if he had the role, wouldn't have been able to say it. He would have, however, been able to part the waters of the bay, leaving the shark floundering on the bay floor, and then Heston could have driven his chariot over the floundering body.

The Beachwood Tip Line: Rock us gently.


Posted on April 7, 2008

MUSIC - Lyric Opera Strike Settled.
POLITICS - USA Today's Op-Ed Disaster.
SPORTS - SportsMonday: Come On, Vic!

BOOKS - Chicago Book Haul: The Dial.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: West Town Blues.

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