The [Monday] Papers
1. "Hester is all that the Bears are," writes Rocky Mountain News great Bernie Lincicome, late of the Chicago Tribune.
"Fool the Broncos once, shame on them. Fool the Broncos twice, and the next bit of shame is an overtime loss to a team that is several parts lint and the rest roadkill."
2. Devin Hester may be ridiculous, but for one play Bernard Berrian was ludicrous. Unfortunately, for the whole game "analyst" Dan Dierdorf was preposterous.
3. No quarterback who fumbles as much as Rex Grossman should be allowed to ever take another snap in the NFL again.
I'd take him over either Daley in a heartbeat. And who else is there, really?
5. "When the baby Jesus was stolen for the first time from the Nativity scene at Daley Plaza in 1999, an anonymous tipster directed police to the figure, which had been stashed in a locker at Union Station," the Tribune reports.
"In 2004, the Christ child was stolen again, this time by a 19-year-old student at the Art Institute of Chicago who was caught a few blocks from the plaza and charged with misdemeanor theft.
"On Saturday morning, while volunteers known as the 'God Squad' constructed the lifesize Nativity scene, a black cable in a cardboard box was a reminder of the heightened security concerns surrounding the baby Jesus.
"Since the thefts, organizers have wrapped the cable around the figure's waist, bolted it to the manger floor and covered it with hay."
And I will lose my faith in humanity if that prevents the baby Jesus from getting stolen again.
Theological question: Can the baby Jesus create a cable strong enough to prevent his own theft?
6. "Sometimes I wish that those who ridicule us for faith would acknowledge from time to time that their views may also be shaped by an equally fervent faith - the belief in modern scientific progress as the means to solve the world's problems," John Kass wrote on Sunday.
Sometimes I wish people of faith would explain why they feel they are under unremitting attacks when it is the agnostic and atheist with no place in this country; a presidential candidate who does not believe is unspeakable and the news is filled with credulous accounts of saints returning to Earth in the form of burnt toast and water stains under freeway overpasses. We even have a president whose claims of talking to God go unchallenged when the Lord's advice is so obviously off.
Oh wait . . . sorry about that, I took a minute to share the moment of silence now required by law of Illinois's schoolchildren.
Somehow I don't think the baby Jesus wants to be held captive by a black cable tied around His waist. Run, baby Jesus, run!
7. "Twice each year the migratory birds of the world make a voyage that, until recently, seemed like an inexplicable miracle," the Tribune reports.
"Now evidence is trickling in to support an explanation no less miraculous: Birds may literally be able to see magnetic fields."
8. "Ann Sather's closing is not good for the community," Ald. Tom Tunney tells the Sun-Times, which dutifully wrote up his press release. "We decided we will recommit a brand new Ann Sather's there [on Belmont]."
The paper must have forgotten that Tunney promised to sell the restaurant when he first ran for the city council to avoid the inevitable conflicts of interest.
"With the deal," the paper did note with glee, "Tunney makes some coin - $2.2 million - helps with economic development in his ward and keeps an icon in business."
All hail Tom Tunney! Moving Chicago forward.
10. It's not just that aldermen don't understand the budget. It's that reporters don't. I find that even more maddening.
11. Sun-Times front pages you may have missed over the long holiday weekend:
* "Drew Peterson Plagiarized H.S. Paper From Encyclopedia!"
* "Stacey's Cat Said It Would Look Like An Accident!"
* "Body Language Expert Says Stacy's Body Is Missing!"
* "Psychic Locates Sun-Times's Integrity At Bottom Of River!"
* "Drew Peterson Medallions! Collect Them All."
* "Officials Say Peterson Case Won't Affect Olympic Bid."
13. How the Mob, Peter Frampton and Sharon Osbourne's daddy sucked the life out of The Small Faces and Humble Pie, in a cautionary tale illustrating why the death of the record industry couldn't come soon enough.
15. "Devin Hester will appear at the Jewel-Osco store at 6509 W. Grand Ave., Gurnee, from 6-7 p.m. Monday in support of the 19th annual Chicago Bears/Jewel-Osco coat drive," the Fred Mitchell notes in the Trib today. "Fans can meet Hester in exchange for donating a coat. Winter coats may also be dropped off at any of the 185 Jewel-Osco stores throughout Chicagoland through Jan. 4."
The Beachwood Tip Line: Be the news.
Posted on November 26, 2007
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