Chicago - Sep. 13, 2019
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Army Of Darkness
ElRey
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (tvguide.com)
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Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12
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The [Monday] Papers

"University of Illinois officials hope the start of beer sales in Memorial Stadium's general seating areas boosts slumping ticket sales for home football games," AP reports.

ME: When in human history has the introduction of beer sales not increased attendance to any event anywhere on the planet?

SERVER AT THE BAR WHERE I'M WRITING THIS: If you give people an opportunity to drink at an event, people will go even if they don't care about the event."

Sounds like a winner, U of I.

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SERVER: Also, college students plus beer is rarely a losing proposition.

ME: I like the way you think. Call me sometime when you've got no class.

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"The expanded beer sales could also help keep football fans from leaving the stadium at halftime to tailgate."

Or, monetize tailgating yourself, U of I, with beer and burger stands in the parking lot.

In fact, you don't even have to play the game, just open the stadium. And/or the parking lot. The only thing that's really mandatory is the beer.

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"A Division of Intercollegiate Athletics compilation shows that Memorial Stadium was only about 56% full on average last year. That's the worst in the Big Ten."

I believe it was Carl Sandburg who said: "If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell."

Corollary: If you can't win on the field, win at the beer stand. If you can't win at the beer stand, you're doing something wrong regardless of what's happening on the field. If you can't win at the beer stand or on the field, you are the worst college ever.

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Assignment Desk: Who gets the beer contract(s)? Follow the money.

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Dick Jokes
"Republicans in Springfield last week got a preview of the field of possible candidates to take on U.S. Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Illinois, in 2020. Some of the rhetoric was not subtle," Bernie Schoenburg notes in the Springfield State Journal-Register.

Let us count the Trumpian ways.

"I need you to help me kick Slick Dick to the curb," said former Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran, 56, of Libertyville.

Immature nickname, check.

"Dick Durbin is not for us. He's not for this country," said Peggy Hubbard, 55, of Belleville, who is retired, served in the Navy and worked for the IRS.

Jingoistic othering, check.

"Dick Durbin isn't taking care of the working man, he's taking care of the illegal immigrants," said Dr. Tom Tarter, 67, a cancer surgeon of Springfield.

Ignorant racism, check.

"He's done nothing for this state for the past 20 years and it's time for him to leave," said Dr. Robert Marshall, a radiologist in his 70s from Burr Ridge.

Disingenuous outsiderism, check.

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It gets worse - just click through and see for yourself.

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Block That Cliche
Ironically, this is the 76,318,054the story to use a famous inmate's prison number to ensure that readers understand that the famous person is indeed now an inmate with a prison number.

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Neville Mind
"Illinois Supreme Court Justice Scott Neville sent staffers to the Cook County Assessor's office Friday to clear up controversy surrounding a Homeowners Exemption he erroneously received on a Bronzeville property, according to the office," NBC5 Chicago reports.

Neville was required to paid back four years of the exemption, an Assessor's spokesman confirmed, amounting to nearly $3,000.

Neville does not live at the address where the exemption was given and rules state a homeowner must live at the address. The property lists Neville's mother as the owner, but she died 28 years ago.

The Assessor's office said Neville offered to pay more since he had received the exemption for more than 15 years, but the rules state only four years must be reimbursed.

Okay, but why not accept 15 years' worth of payments? Isn't that what Neville was offering?

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Neville was just slated for re-election by the Cook County Democratic Party. His pledge via his campaign website: "You can have a fair system, but you have to fight for it everyday."

Okay, but who do we have to fight? Scott Neville! You never know what he'll do if you don't keep an eye on that guy.

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New on the Beachwood . . .

Joel Paterson Lets It Be
"As a follow up to his holiday album Hi-Fi Christmas Guitar, Joel Paterson will release a collection of vintage instrumental, guitar-centric covers of songs from the Beatles' catalog," Bloodshot Records has announced. Looks like a fun project.

Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 2.50.30 PM.png

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The Secret History Of Koch Industries
"If you want to understand how we killed the unions in this country, how we widened the income divide, stalled progress on climate change, and how our corporations bought the influence industry, all you have to do is read this book."

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Pair with Jane Mayer's Dark Money and get a full picture of how a few dumb rich kids trying to evade taxes and maintain their inherited fortunes bought their way into the public discourse in part by manipulating a credulous media that to this day doesn't know what hit them.

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Northwest Wisconsin Washed Away
Meet the seven counties that are, in effect, the Upper Midwest's canaries in the climate change coal mine.

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From the Beachwood Sports Desk . . .

Let Rickey Be
The (temporary, at least) case for Rickey Renteria, bunting fetish notwithstanding.

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Brady, Mahomes No Trubisky
Bears QB has apparently been so good in practice that he doesn't need any preseason snaps, unlike, say, the defending Super Bowl champ or the reigning MVP.

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The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #265: It's The Cubs' Dutch Oven, We're Just Living In It
Series win against Pirates can't make up for the Philadephia Phreakout. Plus: Bears Kick Camp.

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ChicagoReddit

Morning storm's casualty. Thankfully no one got hurt. from r/chicago

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ChicagoGram

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ChicagoTube

CJ Ramone at the Chop Shop on Sunday night.

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BeachBook

Folk Alex Jones.

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Confessions Of A Uni Dropout.

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The Whistleblower Who Got It Wrong.

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A Tissue Sample From 1966 Held Traces Of Early HIV.

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At Black Woodstock, An All-Star Lineup Delivered Joy And Renewal To 300,000.

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Slayer Too Terrifying For NASCAR.

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Why Some Doctors Purposely Misdiagnose Patients.

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Food Industry Warns Against Dangerous Restrictive Diet Plans Like Beyonce's.

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28 Weight Loss Myths.

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There Were Never 57 Varieties Of Heinz Ketchup.

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Illinois Corn Growers Expecting Worst Yields In Two Decades.

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This Dude's Reaction To Hearing "Spirit Of The Radio" The First Time Is Everything.

Why my face hurt?

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TweetWood
A sampling of the delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport.

The first time I tweeted this, Kass deleted his tweet so my original retweet referred to a tweet that no longer existed. Then he tried again. So I did too. Such a yellow-bellied way to Twitter. Let's see if this one lasts.

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The Beachwood McRibTipLine: Historically marked.



Permalink

Posted on August 19, 2019


MUSIC - How Africa Adopted Jimmie Rodgers.
TV - Sinclair, ABC Light AOC On Fire.
POLITICS - SCOTUS's Border Wall Fiasco.
SPORTS - Black Athletes' Underused Trump Card.

BOOKS - The Hidden Places Of World War 2.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Wisconsin Is America's Goatland.


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