Chicago - Mar. 25, 2019

Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
ElRey
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (tvguide.com)

Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12

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Liberties will be taken.

Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.

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8, 25, 39

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I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (louisehay.com)

Ellie
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.

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The [Monday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

1. New Lottery Game To Benefit Families Of Fallen Police Officers.

"Gov. Bruce Rauner today signed a bill to create a new Illinois Lottery scratch-off game from which proceeds will fund police memorials, support for the families of officers killed or severely injured in the line of duty, and protective vest replacements for officers."

Tuesday: The Widow & Orphans Lottery Scratch-Off.

Wednesday: The God Bless America Scratch-Off.

Thursday: The Pro-Trump/Anti-Trump Scratch-Off Depending On Which Part Of The State You Live In.

Friday: The Committee To Re-Elect Bruce Scratch-Off.

2. Hawaiians Call For Aloha Poké Boycott After Company Threatens To Sue Other Shops For Using Word 'Aloha.'

"A Chicago-based poké chain has angered hundreds of Hawaiians after sending cease and desist letters to other restaurants for using the word 'Aloha," Block Club Chicago reports.

Response:

Don't worry, we have been around since 2004. We aren't going anywhere!
— Aloha Eats (@aloha_tweets) July 30, 2018

Inbox: "Coworker who lived in Hawaii re Aloha Poke threatening litigation: 'That is the most un-Aloha thing anyone could do.'"

3. Quiet Skies, Secret Surveillance.

"In a previously undisclosed Transportation Security Administration program, federal air marshals are tracking American citizens not suspected of a crime, not under investigation or who are not on any terrorist watch list, the Boston Globe first reported and CNN has confirmed.

The Globe reported that thousands of what it called unsuspecting Americans have been the target of surveillance in the airport and aboard flights by small teams of air marshals, according to government documents it obtained.
According to the Globe, officials look for such behaviors in those who are under surveillance as being abnormally aware of surroundings; exhibiting behavioral indicators such as excessive fidgeting, excessive perspiration, rapid eye blinking, rubbing or wringing of hands; with an appearance that was different than information provided; or if the person slept during the flight.

But in Chicago, we can't get the police to record every time they point a gun at someone.

4. America's Hyperloop.

"What has gone wrong in El Salvador?" Jason DeParle writes for the New York Review of Books.

"In El Salvador, the Reagan administration backed a brutal right-wing government notorious for its death squads in a cold war struggle against leftist insurgents that sent 350,000 people fleeing to the US. The country's gangs were born in Los Angeles and sent back with deportees to El Salvador, a country where war had normalized violence and left civil authority weak."

5. Gainer Gone.

"After months of weighing a run, Cook County Commissioner Bridget Gainer has decided not to challenge Mayor Rahm Emanuel in the February 2019 election," the Tribune reports.

"Emanuel, who is seeking a third term, already faces a field of 10 contenders, but Gainer had taken several steps that pointed toward an eventual run, including calling potential donors, lining up campaign staff and working on the production of an announcement video, sources familiar with her plans said.

"But in an interview with the Chicago Tribune on Saturday, Gainer said that when it came time to make a final decision on whether to run, she decided she could have more impact continuing her economic development work at the county rather than jumping into the mayoral fray."

We all know this is laughably untrue - a Cook County commissioner can have more impact than the mayor of Chicago? - yet it's allowed to stand unquestioned.

"I have to say over the last couple months, I have talked to thousands of people across Chicago in putting together how it could work. You have to get the mechanics going to know that you can execute, but at the end of the day the only thing that matters, or the thing that matters to me, is the impact that I can have and where is the place to do it," she said. "Could I have run a campaign? Sure. All the mechanics are possible, but when I went back to what is the impact I really want to make in a job and where is the best place to do it, this is the conclusion that we came to. It wasn't anything more dramatic than that."

Apparently unasked: What did your polling show?

Also apparently unasked: Did you really clean out your desk at Aon?

The Tribune's report identifies Gainer as an Aon vice president, and states that "She said she's focusing her efforts on Aon's Chicago Apprenticeship Network for young adults."

Maybe she's decided to work both of her jobs from home, which will cut down on costly commutes.

6. Cole Hamels Has Not Been Traded As Often As I Thought - Not Even Close.

I must've been thinking about someone else, because . . .

7. The Latest Ridiculous New York Times Travel Story . . .

. . . thinks it's a bargain to pay $800 for two nights at a hotel when you get the third night free.

8. CityKey Card Crashes.

"Less than 1 percent of Chicago's residents have been issued a city ID card since the program launched this summer," CLTV notes.

"The Chicago Tribune reports the city likely won't reach its goal of handing out 100,000 free cards for at least a year."

Maybe if the card accrued points toward donuts - or city stickers.

9. Rauner's State Fair Folly.

"A foundation formed by Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner two years ago to fundraise for repairing the state fairgrounds is falling short of its annual target to raise up to $3 million," AP notes.

"The State Journal-Register reports that the latest financial report filed by the Illinois Fairgrounds Foundation shows income in 2017 was just over $32,000."

To be fair, the foundation was competing against fundraising for a renovated executive mansion.

10. Airbnb Removes Chicago Listing That Would Not Tolerate Zionism.

New on the Beachwood . . .

TrackNotes: Unjustified
His usefulness has been determined to be to make exponentially more money for a sickly large number of greedy people.

The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #211: Microcosmic Cubs, Bewildering Bears
Theo settles for Cole Hamels. Plus: Rodon!; The Biggest Underreported Story In Chicago Sports; and We're Talking About (Bears) Practice.

The White Sox Report: Drama Over
Assuming Jose Abreu and Avisail Garcia will still be playing on the South Side on Wednesday as July turns into August, we now see the team that will carry Sox colors for the last two months of the season. Can you feel the excitement?

Last Week In Chicago Rock
Featuring: Havok, Nikki Lane, St. Marlboro, Yung Bae, Handsome Prick, Armored Saint, Exmortus, Grun Wasser, Hide, Taking Back Sunday, Collective Soul, Soul Asylum, 3 Doors Down, Attila, Bullet To The Heart, The Pretenders, Journey, Def Leppard, and Jimmy Buffett.

ChicagoGram