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The [Monday] Papers


It was Cal's?!

Maybe if you have a vendetta against bike messengers, but as a friend put it today, Cal's is about as far from American hegemony as you can get.


"Daoud's family on Saturday insisted he isn't violent and cast doubt on the allegations. And at least one worshipper at the mosque said he finds it laughable that Daoud posed a security threat.

"He was intellectually challenged and he seemed a lot younger than 18," said Junaid Ahmed, 36. "He was told to stop talking about that garbage."

"Ahmed said he saw Daoud daily at the mosque during Ramadan and found him "sweet" and easily-led, though Daoud never discussed terrorism in his presence. He repeatedly had to be told to be quiet while other worshippers were praying, Ahmed said.

Asked if he believed Daoud could have built a bomb without the FBI's help, Ahmed laughed. "He was retarded," Ahmed said. "I'm not a doctor, but I'd bet my life that he couldn't."

America must really be safe from internal threats if the only terrorists the FBI can find are confused and mentally challenged young 'uns who would never be able to act on their fantasies if the federal agents didn't supply them with the plans and the bombs.


"Daoud was targeting U.S. citizens because of what he perceived as American abuses overseas and because the U.S. is at war 'with Islam and Muslims,' according to an FBI affidavit."

Couldn't he have at least targeted TGIFs or Gibson's?

I mean, I know, it's not a joking matter. But it's kind of a joke.



Disability Tales
Disable Chicago Paramedic Is Now A Cook County Forest Preserve Cop

Tip Jar
"Fourteen waiters formerly employed by Graham Elliot at his eponymous and Michelin-starred Chicago restaurant sued him for illegally pooling and unfairly redistributing their tips between bussers, back-waiters, and bartenders, but Graham has finally settled out of court," the Brasier reports.

"He paid off the griping waiters in a settlement earlier this month that was signed off on by a judge. According to court documents, it was cited as a 'fair' amount, but the actual numbers weren't revealed."

Cubs Scrubs
Attendance at 10-year low. Ticket prices not.

Time Travel
"A powerful new camera built in the Chicago area by Fermilab is turning out pictures that look billions of years into the universe's past," CBS2 Chicago reports.

"The Dark Energy Camera is designed to help scientists try to figure out why the universe is speeding up as it's expanding."

Which it totally shouldn't be doing. And what is it expanding into? Nothing. Like where it came from.

Today's Beachwood
* Teachers Strike Notebook 6 is in: Media Frames and Chicken Joe.

* The Weekend in Chicago Rock: It was a huge one, from Riot Fest to the Hideout Block Party to Rush and more.

* The Chambers Report: Ayes For Atheism. The not-so-great God delusion.

(Please note: This feature was previously named Bob's Books. We changed it.)

(And also please note we mean no offense to our Jewish friends for the timing of this post.)

* The White Sox Report: Wings & Rings. Halfway between the Man Cave and the ballpark.

* SportsMonday: Immature Bears Test Brass. Babysitting is exhausting.

* The Cub Factor: Even The Kids Can't Stand It. Team has lost the 4-year-old demographic.


The Beachwood Tip Line: Cut, paste.


Posted on September 17, 2012

MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - Climate Deniers' 4 Top Scare Tactics.
SPORTS - The McEnroes In Antarctica.

BOOKS - Foxconned.


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