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The [Monday] Papers

1a. Worst Clinch Ever.

1b. Here lies Rex Grossman.

2. "On September 25, 1980, a full-page ad ran in the Chicago Tribune promoting four Led Zeppelin concerts that never happened." (via Illinois Entertainer)

3. It's Not My Job. (via Rick Kaempfer)

4. See also When Graphic Artists Get Bored.

5. This Is Our Country.

6. Oh boo hoo hoo for Lura Lynn Ryan. What's it like to be married to one of the most crooked pols in Illinois history, a man whose Secretary of State's office was deemed a "criminal enterprise" by prosecutors, judge, and jury, and who put the state up for sale? He should be charged with treason and thrown in the brig for perverting our democracy.

And how's this for "quiet fortitude"?

Or this: "If George Ryan had hit those people, I'm sorry, that would be different."

Lura Lynn ought to go to jail too, for giving comfort to the enemy. And Mary Schmich oughta save her poems, weather columns, letters to Zorn and ridiculous advice to graduates ("Do one thing every day that scares you") for MarySchmich.com and stay out of the news pages.

7. Theologists agree: God's existence contingent on George Ryan's appeal.

8. "You've won this round, God, but I still own half the appellate court."

- Satan

9. "Feds Indict Daley Campaign Worker."

Dot One: "Authorities say HDO was deeply involved in a long-running scheme to rig city hiring for Daley loyalists, in violation of court decress restricting political influence in City Hall hiring."

Dot Two: "During Sorich's trial, prosecutors tracked the hiring scheme to 1989, the year Daley became mayor."

10. Jim DeRogatis has lost his mind: "But for my money, I'll take a strong Seger show - which Thursday undeniably was - over a run-of-the-mill Bruce Springsteen set any day. Unlike the Boss, Bob isn't aspiring to craft Important Art or make a Grand Statement. He's just playing the sort of music he loves, and he's arguably as good at it today as he ever was."

First of all, there's no such thing as a run-of-the-mill Bruce Springsteen set. Second of all, I'll take the worst performance Springsteen has ever put on against Seger's all-time best performance - or the best performance of just about anybody - any day of the week.

11. Bears fan "Swandiver" begins what should be the easy refutation of Bill O'Reilly and Arthur Brooks, who once found a causal relationship between how much people drink and how much they give to charity.

12. Instead of screening for terrorists at O'Hare and Midway, the Department of Homeland Security ought to attack the real threat freedom and democracy we face here in Cook County.

A) "The Partin' Hurts So Bad."

B) "For Judges, Sheahan's Aid Trumps Screening."

C) "County's Sweet Pension Deal Targeted."

D) Todd Stroger (D-Daley, Obama, Durbin).

13. New city clerk Miguel del Valle defends hiring official HDO "co-schemer" Victor Reyes's lobbying firm to host a fundraiser for his upcoming campaign. "When people get charged, that's different," del Valle said.

Miguel del Valle: A true role model for the kids out there.

In fact, he's told his own kids that they can hang around gangbangers as much as they'd like right up to the moment they are charged. After that, he told them, it's different.

But wait. It gets better.

"Although the last two city clerks have gone to prison, del Valle argued that their convictions had 'nothing to do with the office . . . They were outside activities. There is a tarnished image out there, and it's really unfair.'"

Well, not exactly. Laski was sentenced two years in prison last June on bribery charges in connection with the Hired Truck scandal. As for his predecessor, "In 1993, City Clerk Walter Kozubowski was called the 'landlord of a house of corruption at City Hall,' by the U.S. attorney at the time. Kozubowski was convicted in a ghost payroll scheme, pleading guilty in federal court to paying a total of $476,000 to six 'ghosts' for little or no work over a dozen years. Kozubowski, who had been city clerk since 1979, also admitted underestimating personal income he took from his campaign funds and to filing false bank loan applications. He was sentenced to five years in prison."

14. I'm not a lawyer, but the statute says "The president of the board of commissioners shall have the same privilege of voting as any other commissioner." It was written when the president was chosen from among the commissioners. Its intent was not that the president had a vote just like the commissioners, it was that every commissioner had a vote, including the one selected as president. Todd Stroger is not a commissioner. He does not have a vote.

15. The Art and Grace of Being Doored.

16. "Having reluctantly endorsed him . . . " Why not tell readers the truth? The editorial board supported Tony Peraica; some members even went to Publisher John Cruickshank to argue against his decision to overrule the board and selecting Todd Stroger in order to pander to black readers. Newspapers love to call on others to be transparent and accountable, but hate to do it themselves.

17. I mean, wouldn't it have been a lot easier to endorse the candidate who would have done all the things the Sun-Times editorial board demands today, rather than the person who is the biggest obstacle to any of those things actually happening?

18. Political hiring does not happen in media organizations. Everything there is done on merit.

19. "Little Proof Cameras Are Effective."

Though the gullible reporting on this issue is working quite nicely.

20. Catch up with the Blackhawks.

21. If the Blackhawks played in a more charming arena, they could market themselves as the Cubs on Ice.

22. The Cubs sign Alfonso Soriano, and target pitchers Ted Lilly and Gil Meche. Perfect. A roster of pitchers who give up walks and batters who don't take them.

23.By the time the Sun-Times published George Will's column on Sunday about the testy exchange between Jim Webb and George W. Bush, it had already been roundly discredited.

24. The Sun-Times stops the presses: A baby was born in an ambulance. I'm not even going to give you a link.

25. "When I dropped by here shortly after the draft, the general mood of the Bears forum ranged from dour to downright homicidal," writes frankmoore on FootballsFuture.com. "One of the factors that contributed to this was the Bears' decision to select Devin Hester in the 2nd round. Now, after he's had a chance to make some plays and score 3 (or is it 4) TDs, I'd like to know what you guys think of the draft pick now?"

The Beachwood Tip Line: This Is Our Tip Line.



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Posted on December 4, 2006


MUSIC - The Week In Chicago Rock.
TV - Cricket vs. Brexit.
POLITICS - Trailer: Swing District.
SPORTS - Ryan Pace's Narratives Are Killing Us.

BOOKS - Chicago For Dummies.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - The Sears Motor Buggy.


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