The [Monday] Papers
Programming Note: I know this column has been getting posted late in the morning through much of the holiday season. Starting tomorrow I hope to be back on a more normal schedule in terms of getting this and other fresh Beachwood material posted before you even wake up - or at least before you get to work - because we're all about customer service here at Beachwood HQ.
1. "We are the senator."
By "we," Roland Burris means him and his ego, which has a separate crypt for when it dies.
3. Dick Durbin reportedly advised Burris not to accept the Senate appointment. But Burris found it hard to take seriously anyone with a smaller crypt than his.
4. "We do," Burris will say when he is sworn in.
5. Half-page ad in the Tribune last Thursday from Leather Creations Furniture: "We sell more seats than the Governor!"
6. Secondary joke in the Leather Creations ad: " . . . and our Senate seat only costs $1,999."
7. Third joke in the Leather Creations ad: "Plus this sofa lasts much longer than 6 years."
9. Is there a process for recalling a U.S. Senator? I think you see where I'm going with that.
10. Harry Reid and Robert Menendez have more to say about who your next U.S. Senator is than you do.
11. Apparently Harry Reid doesn't like black people.
12. Okay, maybe that's not totally fair, but who is Harry Reid to decide who has a chance of winning a statewide election in Illinois? I have a feeling anyone who Barack Obama supports in 2010 will have a helluva chance. Besides, there's something called a primary whereby Democrats can decide on their own who their candidate should be.
13. When I saw the Sun-Times story on Sunday (see No. 10) I thought, "Oh my God, it totally looks racist. Bobby Rush is despicable for playing a ridiculous race card, but now party leaders will have to seat Burris." Leave it to Democrats to overthink themselves into oblivion.
14. "When the Illinois Board of Pharmacy meets, Philip Burgess, national director of pharmacy affairs at Deerfield-based Walgreens, the nation's largest drugstore chain, chairs the sessions," Gannett News Service reports.
15. "PrairieStateOutdoors.com has been following reports of a bear in the Bureau County area for more than half a year and is now reporting that the bear has been photographed," Dale Bowman reports.
16. Who is catching walleye along the lakefront and how are they doing it? In Dale's Mailbag.
17. "National and Illinois Democrats, from Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) on down, could have demanded a special election," John Kass notes. "Illinois Democrats could have stripped the governor of his power to appoint a senator and held a special election so that everyone could vote. But they didn't want you to vote. The national Democrats, and the bosses here, wanted to hand-pick Obama's replacement the Chicago Way."
18. These photos of an 18-year-old Rod Blagojevich in the boxing ring were taken only because he asked for them. People are who they are.
19. Andrew Kingsford says that the San Diego Chargers are the greenest team in the NFL. Because they are powered by lightning. So they have the smallest carbon footprint.
On the other hand, the Ravens the Eagles are powered by wings, so the joke doesn't totally hold up.
20. That's all for today, but there's new stuff elsewhere on the site and tomorrow I'll be back in full.
The Beachwood Tip Line; Now in Norse.
Posted on January 5, 2009
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