Chicago - Oct. 12, 2018
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (
Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12
Beachwood Bookmarks
K-Tel Classics
WKRP in Cincinnati
So You've Decided To Be Evil
St. Paul Saints
Nye's Polonaise Room
The Arcata Eye
Roadside USA
This Day In . . .
Onion History
Weird Al History
Baseball History
Beachwood History
History History
Spy Magazine History
#OnThisDate History
Under Suspicion
Find Your Towed Car
Cable TV Complaints
Freedom of Information
The Expired Meter
The Mob & Friends
Stolen Bike Registry
O'Hare Music Tracker
Report Corruption (city)
Report Corruption (state)
Scoundrels, State
Scoundrels, Federal
The Odds
Random Flight Tracker
Casting Calls
Cosmic Log
Buy Stamps
Beachwood Blogroll
A Handy List
Beachwood Ethics Statement
How We Roll
Today's Horoscope
Liberties will be taken.
Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.
Losing Lottery Numbers
8, 25, 39
Daily Affirmation
I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.
Now Playing
Psychodrama/Marshall Law
Letters to the Editors
Tip Line
"The Papers" archive
Beachwood Link Buttons
Media Kit/Advertising

The [Monday] Papers

Programming Note: I know this column has been getting posted late in the morning through much of the holiday season. Starting tomorrow I hope to be back on a more normal schedule in terms of getting this and other fresh Beachwood material posted before you even wake up - or at least before you get to work - because we're all about customer service here at Beachwood HQ.


1. "We are the senator."

By "we," Roland Burris means him and his ego, which has a separate crypt for when it dies.

2. Is Roland Burris armed and dangerous?

3. Dick Durbin reportedly advised Burris not to accept the Senate appointment. But Burris found it hard to take seriously anyone with a smaller crypt than his.

4. "We do," Burris will say when he is sworn in.

5. Half-page ad in the Tribune last Thursday from Leather Creations Furniture: "We sell more seats than the Governor!"

6. Secondary joke in the Leather Creations ad: " . . . and our Senate seat only costs $1,999."

7. Third joke in the Leather Creations ad: "Plus this sofa lasts much longer than 6 years."

8. "Burris Sought Death For Innocent Man."

9. Is there a process for recalling a U.S. Senator? I think you see where I'm going with that.

10. Harry Reid and Robert Menendez have more to say about who your next U.S. Senator is than you do.

11. Apparently Harry Reid doesn't like black people.

12. Okay, maybe that's not totally fair, but who is Harry Reid to decide who has a chance of winning a statewide election in Illinois? I have a feeling anyone who Barack Obama supports in 2010 will have a helluva chance. Besides, there's something called a primary whereby Democrats can decide on their own who their candidate should be.

13. When I saw the Sun-Times story on Sunday (see No. 10) I thought, "Oh my God, it totally looks racist. Bobby Rush is despicable for playing a ridiculous race card, but now party leaders will have to seat Burris." Leave it to Democrats to overthink themselves into oblivion.

14. "When the Illinois Board of Pharmacy meets, Philip Burgess, national director of pharmacy affairs at Deerfield-based Walgreens, the nation's largest drugstore chain, chairs the sessions," Gannett News Service reports.

15. " has been following reports of a bear in the Bureau County area for more than half a year and is now reporting that the bear has been photographed," Dale Bowman reports.

16. Who is catching walleye along the lakefront and how are they doing it? In Dale's Mailbag.

17. "National and Illinois Democrats, from Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) on down, could have demanded a special election," John Kass notes. "Illinois Democrats could have stripped the governor of his power to appoint a senator and held a special election so that everyone could vote. But they didn't want you to vote. The national Democrats, and the bosses here, wanted to hand-pick Obama's replacement the Chicago Way."

18. These photos of an 18-year-old Rod Blagojevich in the boxing ring were taken only because he asked for them. People are who they are.

19. Andrew Kingsford says that the San Diego Chargers are the greenest team in the NFL. Because they are powered by lightning. So they have the smallest carbon footprint.

On the other hand, the Ravens the Eagles are powered by wings, so the joke doesn't totally hold up.

20. That's all for today, but there's new stuff elsewhere on the site and tomorrow I'll be back in full.


The Beachwood Tip Line; Now in Norse.


Posted on January 5, 2009

MUSIC - Lyric Opera Strike An Old Story.
POLITICS - USA Today's Op-Ed Disaster.
SPORTS - Beachwood Sports Radio: Kanye, Chili, Jimmy, Tarik.

BOOKS - Conway Barbour & The Black Middle Class.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Recall! Malone's Pork Head Cheese.

Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!

Ask Me Anything!