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The [Monday] Papers

"The small, flat-screen television in Twins manager Ron Gardenhire's office will be tuned to the White Sox game today for the first time in weeks," writes Joe Christensen of the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

The View From Detroit
"The Tigers announced Sunday that they have fired pitching coach Chuck Hernandez and bullpen coach Jeff Jones, the first moves in what could be a turbulent winter for the team," the Detroit Free Press reports.

Oh, and they have a game in Chicago today.

The View From Philadelphia
"For the Eagles, this was a game against an essentially mediocre team that should have been won," writes Bob Ford of the Philadephia Inquirer.

The View From Beachwood HQ
* "Dust off your looting shoes," our very own Marty Gangler writes in The Cub Factor.

* "It's hard to imagine a bigger early season win," our very own Jim Coffman writes about the Bears in SportsMonday. "[But] Reality Check: The Eagles were without their best player."

Newman's Own Reality
STILLER: Oh, I, um . . .I don't know if she told you . . . but I just came back from New York . . . with the tapes that she made, and the stuff of you . . . it's really . . . it's really great stuff. Really. That whole . . . that whole thing about . . . "Nobody can eat all the eggs," that was . . . that was really . . .

HAWKE: I was quoting Cool Hand Luke.

STILLER: Yeah. That's OK. I mean . . . That's . . . I know. It's . . . I mean . . . You know . . . It's still . . . It's . . .

RYDER: Hi.

STILLER: Hi.

HAWKE: What happened to your normal clothes?

STILLER: Wow! Lelaina, look at you. You look . . . Where'd you get that dress?

RYDER: Oh, um . . .I don't know. I just bought it. But I think I'm gonna go change because . . .

STILLER: No, don't. You look beautiful. You look like . . . You look like . . .

HAWKE: A doily.

RYDER: I'm gonna change.

STILLER: No, don't change.

HAWKE: And don't go thinking for yourself either, Lainie.

STILLER: Hey, what is your glitch, huh?

HAWKE: My "glitch"?

RYDER: You know what? We're already late.

STILLER: No, no, no, no. Hang on a second here. Do you have, like, a problem with me or something? Because if you do, let's just get this out, all right? Seriously, is there, like . . . I mean, have I, like, uh . . . stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? Because . . . Because . . . No, no, no. Excuse me . . . if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you . . .

HAWKE: There's no secret handshake. There's an I.Q. prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake.

STILLER: This guy . . . you've got this whole thing with the world. Don't you? Huh? That's great. That's really wonderful. But guess what. I'm a human being, OK? We're human beings, people, OK? We're not, like, intelligence quotations or whatever.

Zombie Politics
"The Chronicles of Pool Boy continue today with the big news that he's finally resurfaced," John Kass writes.

Hill Street Blues
I'm sorry about Charles Hill's misfortune, but doesn't this creep you out?

Greed Was Good
The Tribune editorial page made the astonishing claim on Sunday that "Wall Street traders are not more or less avaricious today than they were 10, 20 or 50 years ago," and that "a careful examination will prove that the biggest failures were ones of too much government, not too little."

Apparently nobody on the editorial board ever saw Wall Street - or this confession on the front page of the New York Times from the chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission.

The Daley Show
Speaking about reality biting, the mayor denied over the weekend that fewer cops means less safety.

"'No, no,' said Daley when asked about the lack of new hires and the impact on safety," the Tribune reports. "When pressed, Daley bristled and said, 'It just won't.'"

No word on whether he stomped his feet while he said it.

*

Daley went on to say that it's not necessarily less sunny at night and that you can save money on gas by driving more.

Today's Worst Person in Chicago
"Mike Lufrano, the Cubs' senior vice president of community affairs, said government officials don't get the opportunities [to buy playoff tickets] because they are political sluggers who might someday be able to do the team a favor," the Tribune reports.

"'No, it's because they represent Cub fans throughout their districts,' he said."

Send me to Wrigley Field to fight for you!

EZ Pass
The difference between me and Eric Zorn.

ZORN: In college, my friends and I occasionally played a conversational game we called "adjective practice," in which we took a topic and discussed it using only descriptive terms.

ME: In college, my friends and I occasionally played a conversational game we called "let's make fun of people like Eric Zorn," in which we took a topic - like "people who play games like 'adjective practice'" - and discussed them using only descriptive terms. Alcohol was also involved.

The Beachwood Tip Line: The real thing.




Permalink

Posted on September 29, 2008


MUSIC - The Weekend In Chicago Rock.
TV - Vizio Settles Spying Complaints.
POLITICS - WikiLeaks Reveals Staggering Breadth Of CIA Hacking.
SPORTS - Fantasy Fix Draft Guide Pt. 3: The Professor!

BOOKS - Bannon, The Best And The Brightest.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: Ray Rayner & Friends.


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