Chicago - Sep. 25, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (
Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12
Beachwood Bookmarks
K-Tel Classics
WKRP in Cincinnati
So You've Decided To Be Evil
St. Paul Saints
Nye's Polonaise Room
The Arcata Eye
Roadside USA
This Day In . . .
Onion History
Weird Al History
Baseball History
Beachwood History
History History
Spy Magazine History
#OnThisDate History
Under Suspicion
Find Your Towed Car
Cable TV Complaints
Freedom of Information
The Expired Meter
The Mob & Friends
Stolen Bike Registry
O'Hare Music Tracker
Report Corruption (city)
Report Corruption (state)
Scoundrels, State
Scoundrels, Federal
The Odds
Random Flight Tracker
Casting Calls
Cosmic Log
Buy Stamps
Beachwood Blogroll
A Handy List
Beachwood Ethics Statement
How We Roll
Today's Horoscope
Liberties will be taken.
Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.
Losing Lottery Numbers
8, 25, 39
Daily Affirmation
I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.
Now Playing
Psychodrama/Marshall Law
Letters to the Editors
Tip Line
"The Papers" archive
Beachwood Link Buttons
Media Kit/Advertising

The [Monday] Papers

Do those creepy police cameras in the city's blue light districts actually prevent crime?

The Chicago Sun-Times asked this long overdue question in a front page story on Sunday. Unfortunately, the paper failed to answer it.

Learn more in The [Sunday] Papers, already archived for your pleasure.

Crashing the Oscars
Chicago Sun-Times
TV critic Doug Elfman called Ben Stiller's special effects green screen bit at the Oscars "the smartest satire of the night."

The Beachwood Reporter's TV/Movie Affairs Desk called it "about as close to being funny as George Bush came to seeing Brokeback Mountain," and something that should merit a ban on Stiller appearing on future shows.

The Chicago Tribune's Maureen Ryan thought Will Ferrell and Steve Carell in bad makeup "were really funny," suggesting that "maybe they should have hosted the show, fake eyelashes and all."

The Beachwood Reporter's TV/Movie Affairs Desk thought the Ferrell/Carell bit was so lame it wasn't even worth mentioning, not reaching the absolute awfulness of Stiller's performance but instead just being a throwaway waste of time.

So for your Oscar reviews this morning, check out our Black Carpet Report. It has the special effect of being better.

Daily Show Disconnect
The Guv blames his deputy for his own cluelessness (found via The Capitol Fax Blog). Or is his deputy just the fall guy? Because that means the governor of the great state of Illinois (and he of presidential ambitions) would not have recognized last night's host of the Oscars if he hadn't previously appeared on his show.

Greatest Simpsons Opening Ever
Watch the opening sequence as filmed using live actors (found via Change of Subject). Plus, there's a story there about Kate Moss snorting up in Nelson Mandela's house.

Hampton Harping
The Sun-Times's Tom McNamee today writes some of the better lines offered in this whole sorry Chairman Fred Hampton Way spectacle. But in the end he goes astray.

"Police brutality against African Americans was an everyday fact of life in the 1960s--and, to a lesser extent continues to this day--and I believe Fred Hampton was murdered," McNamee writes. "So if anybody should ever propose a street sign honoring the moron who led that police raid, I'd say let's pass.

"I'd also pass on the street signs honoring the police goons who famously tortured suspects with cattle prods, the thugs in uniform who shot first and asked questions later, and the overexcited guardians of law and order at the 1968 Democratic Convention.

"But that said, what kind of town honors a man who led an organization that killed cops? Because the Panthers weren't just talk."

McNamee, of course, is referring to the shooting deaths of officers Frank Rappaport and John Gilhooly.

And again, as in other reports that have brought up Rappaport and Gilhooly in recent days, this one is curiously missing the details surrounding the incident in which the pair were killed.

But for a couple of paragraphs there, McNamee was on a roll.

Conflict of Interest Alert
McNamee picked up our Killer Streets item, written by Tim Willette, for the Controversy section he edits for the Sunday Sun-Times.

There was no quid pro quo. Or I wasn't aware of it. Whatever Daley says. Except I'm telling the truth.

Face Dances
The Sun-Times wants a face "like the map of Ireland."

Yeah, I was baffled too. But, much like Ben Stiller's routine, so baffled as to find it weirdly compelling just to see how bad it could get. Here's how bad:

"St. Patrick's Day is coming soon. To mark the day, the Sun-Times is looking for people who look Irish. Really Irish. With a face, as they say, like the map of Ireland.

"E-mail us your photo to Please include your name, address and a daytime phone number. We'll publish the best."

At least they're not asking for the face of Africa.

But then, maybe they're on to something. After all, these are professionals with a deep understanding of how to grow readership. Perhaps I could learn from them.

So let's see. What else is coming up on the calendar . . . Aha! Daylight Savings Time! Send us faces like the map of Daylight Savings Time and we'll publish the best.

I guess running a newspaper isn't so hard after all.

In The Reporter
The political odds have changed for Gov. Rod Blagojevich and GOP front-runner Judy Baar Topinka.

In the wake of the Muhammad cartoon controversy (a reported 50,000 people demonstrated Sunday in Pakistan, and another 20,000 in Turkey), Ethan Michaeli offers a provocative, thoughtful view of religious fundamentalists.

Disagree? Say so in our forums. Make them sparkle with wit and clarity of thinking. Or the secret, almost unintelligible but sure-fire wisdom of the hangover. Whichever you prefer.

And keep your eye out for fresh postings throughout the week, including new material on our Books, Sports, and Politics pages.

Don't forget to use our Tip Line: Unless it's about Ben Stiller because then we don't care.


Posted on March 6, 2006

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!