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The [Halloween] Desk Report

By Natasha Julius

No tricks. No treats. Just the uncompromising eye of the Weekend Desk.

Market Update
President Obama this week will welcome 2,000 Washington, DC-area children to the White House for trick or treating this season. In a nod to the harsh economic times, each child will find their goodie sack stuffed with $160,000 in federal stimulus money.

Dress to Impress
It wouldn't be Halloween without the Beachwood Reporter Weekend Desk Costume Calculator, designed to ensure you win every fright-fest and party you attend. Here's a list of this year's most high-impact assumed identities.

1. H1N1 Vaccine: You'll be swamped in Chicagoland, with thousands of women flocking to your side. Sure, most of them will be pregnant, but that's kind of hot... right? If it all gets to be too much you could always run out.

2. Joe Scurvy: Come on, now. Everyone is going to go as Tom Ricketts. Besides, with Scurvy you just have to worry about losing your teeth, not your hopes and dreams.

3. Abdullah Abdullah: If you know the party's going to be totally lame, you win just by not showing up.

4. Rajoelina: Sure, your coup's not going so well and it looks like there's trouble on the home front. But you're still way sexier than Roberto Micheletti.

5. An Illinois Senior: No one wants to cross one of these bad-asses. Apparently, they're absolutely terrifying.


Posted on October 31, 2009

MUSIC - Madonna vs. Moderna.
TV - Sundays With The Military-Industrial Complex.
POLITICS - Private Equity In The ER.
SPORTS - Suspicious Betting Trends In Soccer.

BOOKS - China Holding Swedish Publisher.


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