The [Friday] Papers

I had a stomach issue yesterday. I'm on the mend, but it meant that I only slept for about an hour Wednesday night. Then on Thursday morning, I joined a friend at a cafe for work and tea. But it wasn't long until I got the most irresistible urge ever to go back to bed buried under as many blankets as I could muster. Who invented blankets? I mused. Whoever it was is one of the greatest people to have ever existed. So I looked it up. And that's how the image on Thursday's (non-)column came to be.

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Beachwood Photo Booth: Shelf Life
Stuffed with sadness.

Big Mac Creator Dead At 98
"All I got was a plaque."

Five Poems To Ruin Christmas
These poems - like the Christmas pudding sweater or Santa Claus pair of pants - are gifts that really should never have been given.

Soda Taxes Save Lives And Money
In Mexico and, likely, Cook County.

CREDO vs. Surveillance State
Fights gag order re: National Security Letter.

The Week In Chicago Rock
Is in pre-production.

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From the Beachwood sports desk . . .

Beachwood Sports Radio: V-Jay Day
Hopefully, we don't have Jay Cutler to kick around anymore. Plus: Chris Sale Is For Sale; #WorldChampionProblems; Bulls Blueprints; How About Hossa; and Greatest Soccer Game Ever?

Fantasy Fix: Barkley The Bear
"I'm not entirely convinced he wasn't mascot understudy to Staley when this season began."

Kool-Aid Report: The Case For Pace
"If you're rooting for a top pick in the 2017 draft, this is your Super Bowl."

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BeachBook
A sampling.

Will Big Law Defend The Rule Of Law?

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Feds Take Chicago Futures Firm To Trial.

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The Story Behind The Texan Guy With The Muslim Sign.

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In Wake Of Election, Self-Defense Class Sees Upsurge In Interest.

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North Side Bar Drops Miller/Coors Over Trump.

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It Worked With Oreos, Can It Work With Big Macs?

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Chicago Softball Legend Dead At 74.

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Ivanka Trump's Terrible Book Illustrates Family Ethos.

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TweetWood
A sampling.

And: "In 2013 & 2014, nearly every deadly pursuit triggered by tinted window, seat-belt violation or smell of pot involved a black driver." pic.twitter.com/SysVcUNQpo

— Taniel (@Taniel) December 2, 2016

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This is the most Newt Gingrich thing ever: https://t.co/fvaon88uB6 pic.twitter.com/BbSTGLBmmc

— andrew kaczynski (@KFILE) December 2, 2016

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FACT: This actually happened. I was there: ..... CNN Trump surrogate Scottie Nell Hughes: Facts no longer exist https://t.co/FgGicV1T0G

— Margaret Sullivan (@Sulliview) December 2, 2016

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Looks like we had to turn comments off on story about Mall of America's first black Santa. Merry Christmas everyone!https://t.co/BQVm24DH6y

— Scott Gillespie (@stribgillespie) December 2, 2016

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The Beachwood Tronc Line: Empire burlesque.

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