The [Friday] Papers

Who has the best coverage of the Crosstown Classic? I think we do!

The Sox wear black 'n' white,
The Cubbies wear blue
They have Fookodome,
Ozzie says Fookoyou
Black 'n white, Cubby blue, Fookodome, Fookoyou
Let's call the Crosstown off!

- New from the Beachwood Sports Audio Desk

Opening Night
A new sketch written and directed by our very own Cub Factor correspondent Marty Gangler (also seen here as "The Sun-Times" and here as "Tony Rezko") opens tonight at midnight at Donny's Skybox at Second City.

"100 . . . Years of Losing is a show about our national pastime, the lovable losers on the North Side, and all the little people that made this whole century long losing streak possible," Marty says. "But you don't have to be Cub fan to enjoy this sketch show. You also don't have to know anything about Lou Brock, Hack Wilson or the infield fly rule. 100 . . . is about singing, dancing, and believing - and all the while without one Bartman joke."

Olympic Obama
"Those tuning in to NBC Sports' Olympics coverage this year will see spots from General Motors, McDonald's, Budweiser, Nike and - just maybe - Sen. Barack Obama," Ad Age reports.

"Though the Obama campaign is keeping mum about whether it will definitely run spots, it has asked NBC Universal about Olympics advertising including $500,000, $2 million and $4 million packages of ads. (NBC presented those along with a $10 million package.) It's not only a sign that the Obama camp has faith it can continue its stellar fundraising achievements but a signal that a widening field of battleground states has the candidate contemplating national broadcast buys."

Money Changes Everything
"Obama explained his decision by saying that /the public financing of presidential elections as it exists today is broken, and we face opponents who've become masters at gaming this broken system,'" Steve Huntley writes. "He's talking about the independent groups that have found a way around the campaign finance regulations to help or hurt a candidate. The most prominent example was the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, who damaged John Kerry's presidential hopes in 2004 by questioning his Vietnam record.

"But it took a bit of chutzpah - defined by the dictionary as 'shameless audacity' - for Obama to bring this up just days after the anti-war group MoveOn.org and a union ally paid $500,000 to run a maudlin and melodramatic ad attacking McCain. Clearly, Democrats know how to game the system as well."

*

The spin from the Obama camp - particularly in its latest e-mail to supporters - is wholly disingenuous. A good rule of thumb: How would you feel if the situation was reversed? In other words, Obamaphiles would be lambasting John McCain to high heaven right now if he pulled this move. More at Division Street later.

Carol's Pub
New Facebook group: Draft Carol Marin for Meet The Press.

Law Fools
"In a move that could shake up legal education, Northwestern University School of Law plans to announce Friday that it will begin offering students a chance to get a law degree in two years instead of the traditional three," the Tribune reports.

Insert your own new lawyer joke here!

*

KEANU: Why the law? Cut the shit, Dad. Why lawyers? Why the law?

PACINO: Because the law, my boy, puts us into everything.

*

Die Already
"Hundreds of readers responded to last week's column asking what they value in the Tribune," public editor Timothy J. McNulty writes.

Because hundreds of readers are all they have left.

Oh Yeah!
Kool-Aid Man loose on North Side.

Punch Lines
* "City Fires First Salvo In Battle Against Pest."

Applies for restraining order against Pete Wentz.

* "NU Breaks Ground For Proton Clinic."

Degrees will be granted after minus-two years.

* "Asian Carp's Invasion May Have Stalled."

American carp border fence credited.

* "Edens Rehab Work Switches Lanes Friday"

Just to mess with your mind.

* "Wright Urges Lawyers To Be Models For Youths."

Two years of school is enough, he says.

* "Pfleger Speaks At Anti-Violence Rally."

Says he'd really like to clock that bitch.

* "Petco Food Seized At Distribution Hub."

If they seize a radio station next, the revolution is on.

* "Metra Rock Island Passenger Injured By Broken Signal Arm."

Signal arm will get MRI today.

* "Governor Loses Chief Of Communications."

Had no comment.

The Beachwood Tip Line: Rough and mean.