The [Friday] Papers

Every time you think the silly, sophomoric, misogynist Sun-Times couldn't possibly get any sillier or more sophomoric, it outdoes itself.

And to think, the paper is still only 50 cents.

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Send your nominations to webphotos@suntimes.com. It's okay if you cut off their heads, just show us tits and ass.

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No, seriously, send your "nominations" to webphotos@suntimes.com - and tell them the Beachwood sent you.

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"We've already started the galleries.

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Next: Which Side Of Town Has The Hottest Reporters? Send in your photos now!

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Meanwhile, the Sun-Times can't be bothered to tell us how individual aldermen on the zoning committee voted yesterday on the Children's Museum.

Tribulations
Every time you think the ignorant, mismanaged, misguided Tribune Co. couldn't possibly get any strategically stupider, it outdoes itself.

This is what happens when you bring former executives of Clear Channel - which was the Wal-Mart of the music industry - in to run your newspaper company.

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Oops, I forgot. The employees own the joint now. So they can tell Randy Michaels to take a hike, right?

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If reporters will now be judged on quantity, does that mean long stories will be in again?

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Is there any other industry where the universal answer to losing customers is to make the product worse?

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On the other hand, Michaels is at least sideways right: You could get rid of a lot of deadweight - and the whole Tempo section - without losing much.

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So wait. You're gonna cut the size of the paper but ask reporters to produce more?

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At least the Tribune tells us which way aldermen on the zoning committee voted on the Children's Museum.

ER, OOPS . . . I just noticed that the online version of this story is missing these two paragraphs (you know, the basics, I mean, times are tight) that are in my print edition:

"The votes in favor of the museum came from Banks, Edward Burke (14th), Margaret Laurino (39th), Bernard Stone (50th), Ray Suarez (31st) and Latasha Thomas (17th). The three 'no' votes were cast by Rey Colon (35th), Vi Daley (43rd) and Ed Smith (28th).

"Five committee members did not vote. Isaac Carothers (29th) and Thomas Allen (38th) were present for much of the meeting but were not in the council chambers when the vote was taken. Three other panel members - Carrie Austin (34th), Eugene Schulter (47th) and Frank Olivo (13th) - did not attend Thursday's meeting."

I'm sure they had more important things going on back in their wards. For example, Schulter probably at his office reading through responses to his latest query to constituents.

Banks Shot
Ald. Bill Banks has been the zoning committee chairman since Richard M. Daley became mayor in 1989. (He heads up what John Kass calls the First Family of Zoning.) Former Banks aide Patricia Scudiero is the administration's top zoning official. The zoning committee is no more an independent body than the Chicago Plan Commission is. Or the full city council, for that matter.

There is not a legislative branch in Chicago government. The judiciary is only quasi-independent; that's the only chance museum opponents - who are right, of course - have. And even though the precedents are in their favor, it won't matter unless they can stop construction before it begins.

Spin City
"This is a classic case of Not In My Back Yard," museum attorney Ted Novak says.

No, Ted, it's a classic case of Not In Our Front Yard.

Five-Ring Circus
Remember all those times the mayor pledged that no public money would be used should the city land the 2016 Olympics? And then how it turned out we needed to have some skin in the game? And then how that skin turned out to be a $500 million guarantee to cover any losses should the city's rosy revenue projections fall short?

Well, guess what, we're gonna have to pony up even more dough just in case. And no, there won't be any city council debate - why start now?

"The council will vote for that," Burke says.

And you can be sure he's right.

While the Sun-Times - which congratulates Chicago 2016 in a full page ad today - assures in its "reporting" that city officials pledge the guarantee won't have to be tapped (after all, every other Daley project comes in on budget!), the International Olympic Committee isn't so sanguine.

"The IOC evaluation characterized the Chicago bid's revenue estimates of $3 billion as 'optimistic' and said it's construction costs 'appear low.'"

Ya think?

Enter Now!
The Chicagoist Blago Haiku Contest. I entered, you should too!

The Beachwood Knows Bo
This song about Bo Diddley is freakin' awesome.

The Beachwood Knows Barr
Stephen Colbert's description of libertarianism is priceless.

The Beachwood Knows The Bleacher Preacher
Jerry Pritikin's '70s Show opens tonight.

That Bo Diddley Beat

The Beachwood Tip Line: Our fans are hotter.

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