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The [Friday] Papers

"It took only about an hour for Assistant U.S. Atty. Patrick Collins to obliterate two days' worth of high-priced legal defense spinning in the federal case against former Gov. George Ryan," John Kass writes today, in his column about the prosecution's closing arguments.

So there.

Daley Watch
The Tribune reported today that the sons of two union officials hired as city building inspectors were rejected for their jobs at first but allowed to re-submit "revised and embellished applications [that] made the two men appear qualified for their $50,000-a-year jobs."

The case is part of an ongoing investigation of hiring practices at City Hall.

Michael Santo, the personnel department employee who initially rejected the applicants, told the Tribune that the mayor's office often directed his department to reclassify applicants as qualified.

"When stuff like this comes down, it happens because the fifth floor said so," Santo said.

"Santo's remarks echo statements by another former personnel employee, Reginald Mason, who told the Tribune last year that the mayor's office often dictated that favored applicants be deemed qualified," the paper noted.

No comment from the mayor. His chief spokesperson, former Tribune reporter Jacquelyn Heard, said she couldn't explain the paper's findings.

Sex And The City That Works
Daley did comment yesterday on allegations about sex in a Chicago firehouse, saying the latest charges were no reason to question the culture of the fire department.

"This is about sex," the mayor said, as reported by the Chicago Sun-Times. "It's not about culture. This is strictly pure sex. If it is. That's why you're investigating it--just like you would if someone had sex on your programs offstage or something."

Camille Paglia could not be reached for comment.

Alderman William Beavers, however, pinch-hit for her.

"There's a number of uniform freaks out there," Beavers said. "People--especially women--like to see men in uniform."

And out.

Beachwood Staff Memo
The new uniforms are in!

Uniform Consideration
You know that at least briefly the Sun-Times considered going with "Uniform Freaks!" as its big front-page story . . .

Rich Stuff
I recommend Rich Miller's column in today's Sun-Times, which opens this way:

"I ran into my buddy Korg last week. Korg is a lifelong Democrat but he told me he was switching to the Republicans.

"Why? I asked.

"Because if a Republican shoots somebody in the face, the other guy has to apologize."

Miller also observers that "The thing about Oberweis is that he can seem like a relatively normal human being for days, and then he just all of a sudden crashes into the abyss."

Finding Ebert
As I understand it, the Sun-Times sticks Roger Ebert way inside its Weekend section so it can increase readership of all the crap it sticks in its pages before you get to him.

But more often than not it just makes me throw the whole thing away.

Sun-Times or Onion?
"Young Family Picks Cary Site Near Park, Lake"

Pay to Play
According to a payola lawsuit filed by New York Atty. Gen. Eliot Spitzer, record labels paid $1,000 or more for airtime to get radio stations to play songs by Liz Phair, Jessica Simpson, and Avril Lavigne.

One Nashville radio station played the Lavigne song "Don't Tell Me" 109 times in one week.

It's at least comforting to know that greed--not bad taste--destroyed broadcast radio. Because greed can be overcome.

Important Beachwood Announcement
The Tribune reports, via the Associated Press, that Illinois added a new billionaire to its ranks of rich people last year. Welcome, hedge fund manager Kenneth Griffin! We now have 18 billionaires in Illinois.

Coincidentally, The Beachwood Reporter announces today the formation of the Beachwood Billionaires Club.

In honor of the hard work and inspiring examples set by the richest of our citizens, The Beachwood Reporter hereby offers the billionaires of Illinois exclusive membership into the Beachwood Billionaires Club.

Benefits of the club include access to the Reporter's financial management system, special audiences with the Reporter's publisher and editor, discounts on bulk advertising, and coupons from the Sunday papers re-packaged to suit your particular needs and lifestyle.

Please apply here.

Last Self-Referential Item Today
Finally, today marks the end of Week 2 of The Beachwood Reporter's publishing history. Funny, it feels more like two years.

But the hard work is paying off, and we have a lot more on the way.

As always, fresh postings to come in all our sections next week as we try to develop our coverage and provide you with more ways to avoid attending to your job. Ad solicitation will begin soon, as will the Permanent Pledge Fund Drive Campaign, whereby you will be asked to donate to a good cause without being forced to watch a Peter, Paul and Mary concert.

If you'd like to join the festivities, send me a note. Particularly if you are one of Illinois's 18 billionaires. Or if you can sell ads or manage our ad software system.

Also remember, our ongoing features such as What I Watched Last Night, Taxicab Journal, and Infomercial Reviews are open for reader submissions. And our forums are a bit lonely right now, with the exception of the Chicago Tonight/Bob Sirott discussion.

So join in. We're not a cult yet, but we're getting there.

Don't forget our Tip Line: And by tips, we mean money, too.


Posted on March 10, 2006

MUSIC - Spring Awakening Wake-Up Call!
TV - Exclusive! Rahm's New TV Gig.
POLITICS - The Political Odds UPDATED.
SPORTS - NHL: CTE Not Our Fault.

BOOKS - Stan Lee, Flawed Hero.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: I Am Iron Man.

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