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The [Tuesday] Papers

BREAKING PHOTO 10:39 A.M.: Carlos Zambrano.

Big Zero
"I don't accept the fans booing at me. I can't understand that. I thought these were the greatest fans in baseball. But they showed me today that they just care about themselves. That's not right. When you're struggling, you want to feel the support of the fans. No, I don't accept that."

Um, first time at a ballpark, Carlos?


Zambrano promised to remember this.

What's he going to do, pitch well for revenge?


Big Z isn't a real bright guy, but he does understand where that $92 million comes from, right?


It's just so stupid it's not even fun to make jokes about. This is a guy who pummeled a teammate, routinely shows up the opposition and has an obvious anger management problem. In other words, he's a fabulously wealthy child.

I hope it's Cubs fans who never forget.

Child's Play
Speaking of children, the front page story of the Sun-Times today is about two brothers who oversee operations at the Hancock and Sears Tower?

Seriously, how can you be so out of ideas in a city like Chicago?

Oh wait, here's something: A woman went into labor . . . on Labor Day!


The lead story in the business section on Sunday was a Bloomberg News profile of the Bank of America's CEO. Well, he's a laborer too! And apparently the business section takes the whole weekend off.

Goose & Gander
"In newsrooms all over the city, poorly qualified reporters and editors hang on, comfortable and protected. Our citizens deserve better."
- Sun-Times editorial

Er, wait. In classrooms all over the city, poorly qualified teachers hang on. Sorry.

Segway Segue
Both papers wrote up the story fed to them about a police officer on a Segway chasing down a suspect in a shooting - a first for the Segway unit.

Sun-Times "crime reporter" (the paper does not have police reporters, which gives you an idea of which way the coverage slants) Frank Main wrote: "Now Segways have proved valuable in chasing crooks,"

Yes, after all these years! The evidence is finally in!

But really.

Buried at the bottom of the Tribune's account was the officer's admission that he could outrun the Segway he was on. So why didn't he?

In other words, the story is that a police officer, upon hearing gunfire and seeing two men sprinting from the area, didn't run after them but revved his scooter up to an alleged 10 to 12 mph in pursuit.

I wonder if that's department policy. Or if Segway funding is currently under threat and they needed the PR.

Either way, I'm kind of outraged that the cop didn't get off his frickin' scooter.

Face to Face
"[Elvira] Arellano's case was just one among an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, and we think there are better cases to rally around than hers," the Sun-Times editorial board declared on Monday.

And as soon as they find one they'll let us know.


Mark Brown found one and guess what? It involves Social Security fraud too. Maybe the face of illegal immigration should be someone working off the books and not paying taxes. Would that make everyone feel better?

TV Tray
The Tribune editorial page remembers a time when "families talked at the dinner table." You know, a time before TV.

But without The Sopranos and American Idol to discuss, what did they talk about?


"When's the last time you heard anything good said about television?" the paper asks.


Boy, I would not want to live in these people's dreary world.

And if the Tribune editorial board is still dubious about television - but high on the radio, as you shall see in the next item - it's no wonder it doesn't have a clue about the Internet.


On Saturday, the Trib edit board advised the Federal Trade Commission to "get out more" in response to its opposition to Whole Foods' proposed buyout of Wild Oats Markets.

"Go shopping," the board said. "Flip on the radio. You'll be amazed at the choices."

The radio? You mean the medium held in a chokehold by a couple megacorporations trying to shut down choice on the Internet?

Camp Obama
The Sun-Times has finally gotten around to the Camp Obama story that is on the campaign coverage checklist handed out to every media outlet by the Mainstream Media Council's Enforcement Committee.

This version, like the others, has the Obama campaign teaching its volunteers to be "absolutely ruthless" even as the usually admirable Abdon Pallasch writes that "Obama is not like other candidates."

I'm still waiting for someone to square that circle.

Is it because Obama uses Saul Alinsky's technique of appealing to people's self-interest - you know, the strategy Republicans have used so successfully?

I mean, it's not like Alinsky has influenced other candidates through the ages.

My Latest Heroes
"On the Appalachian State campus downtown, a crowd estimated in the thousands steamed out of dormitories and student apartments, headed for Kidd Brewer Stadium and tore down one of the goal posts - no matter that the game took place more than 500 miles away in Ann Arbor, Mich. They carried it in a serpentine route through campus, knocking over two lamp posts in one particularly tight spot, then up Rivers Street and hilly Bodenheimer Drive to Chancellor Kenneth Peacock's residence, where they deposited the souvenir neatly in the middle of his driveway. The scene was promptly marked off with yellow police tape."
- "Appalachian State Proves There Are No Givens," New York Times

Tap Dance
The Tribune on Sunday ran excerpts from the police report filed on disgraced Idaho Sen. Larry Craig (R-Closet) that turned up an item I haven't heard anyone comment on: He apparently tried to use his office to get out the charge.

"When we got to the Police Operations Center," the report says, "Craig handed me a business card that identified himself as a United States Senator as he stated, 'What do you think about that?'"

It's not in the report, but I think the officer's reply was "Well, I won't hold that against you."


If it was Rod Blagojevich in that men's room . . .

The Beachwood Tip Line: Morse code accepted.


Posted on September 4, 2007

MUSIC - Who's Next In Chicago Rap.
TV - Tribune-Nexstar Deal Is Bad News.
POLITICS - Big Soda Hates You.
SPORTS - The Ex-Cub Factor.

BOOKS - Wright Brothers, Wrong Story!

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - The Bad News About Human Nature.

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