It's also not true that everyone will be able to keep their current plan if they want to. I'm not particularly bothered by that, but I'm bothered by the false claim. There are incentives in the plan for some employers to drop coverage and send their workers into the exchanges that would be created. You may have to find your own plan. Which, again, is fine by me. But another false claim by a self-righteous president isn't.
]]> 2. Eric Zorn is "still waiting for someone to calmly explain why using 'deem and pass' offends the ideals of democracy or good government."In other words, Zorn is still trying to figure out why it's offensive to use a parliamentary maneuver for a purpose it wasn't designed for in order to pass controversial and far-reaching legislation that doesn't have enough votes to pass if actually voted on.
Hell, why even have Congress vote at all? Let's just "deem and pass" everything!
*
Obama, well-practiced in voting "present" while an Illinois state senator, said on Wednesday that "it's an ugly process" - but that he had no problem with that.
Wasn't that part of his campaign slogan - Hope, Change and Ugliness?
*
Justifying political chicanery on the grounds that the other side does it too is twice as hypocritical as the other side complaining when their opponents adopt their tactics. "He hit me first!" As Dr. Phil says, somebody's gotta be a hero in this dysfunctional relationship. A lot of folks thought it would be Obama. That's why they elected him.
*
Passing health care reform this way will only further poison our politics. The argument will never end; states are already moving to challenge mandatory health care and Republicans are already talking about repeal.
This is not the way to unite the country. Obama has apparently never stopped to consider that maybe he's going about this the wrong way.
3. Is the status quo really the only alternative to this bill, as the president claims? Hardly.
As I've pointed out many times, many of the bill's provisions could pass today - and could have passed on Obama's first day in office - if acted on separately. Those are the provisions, by the way, that Obama keeps talking about: prohibiting denial of health insurance because of pre-existing conditions, removing caps on lifetime benefits, etc. etc.
4. Will Americans come to love this bill once they start to see the benefits? Who knows. That's just a Democratic talking point lazy editorial boards and pundits like to repeat. Besides, the most significant benefits wouldn't kick in for years. (The last version of the legislation I was able to track implemented the pre-existing condition provision immediately for children, but for adults it wouldn't kick until something like 2015. Gotta give the insurance companies time to, you know, prepare.)
*
It might be even worse than that. Nobody even knows what's in this thing anymore - including the president.
From yesterday's big interview:
BAIER: Deem and passed, Senate reconciliation and we don't know exactly what's in the fix bill. Do you still think -
OBAMA: No, we will - by the time the vote has taken place, not only I will know what's in it, you'll know what's in it because it's going to be posted and everybody's going to be able to able to evaluate it on the merits.
But here's the thing, Bret, I mean, the reason that I think this conversation ends up being a little frustrating is because the focus entirely is on Washington process. And yes, I have said that is an ugly process. It was ugly when Republicans were in charge, it was ugly were in Democrats were in charge.
BAIER: This is one-sixth of the U.S. economy, though, sir. One-sixth.
OBAMA: And, Bret, let me tell you something, the fact of the matter is that for the vast majority of people, their health care is not going to change because right now they're getting a better deal. The only thing that is going to change for them is is that they're going to have more security under their insurance and they're going to have a better situation when it comes to if they lose their job, heaven forbid, or somebody gets sick with a preexisting condition, they'll have more security. But, so - so -
BAIER: So how can you -
OBAMA: - the notion that -
BAIER: - guarantee that they're not going to -
OBAMA: - so but -
BAIER: - they're going to be able to keep their doctor -
OBAMA: Bret, you've got to let me finish my answers -
BAIER: Sir, I know you don't like to filibuster, but -
OBAMA: Well, I'm trying to answer your question and you keep on interrupting. So let me be clear.
Now, you keep on repeating the notion that it's one-sixth of the economy. Yes, it's one-sixth of the economy, but we're not transforming one-sixth of the economy all in one fell swoop. What we're saying is is that for the vast majority of people who have health care, they're going to be able to keep it. But what we are saying is that we should have some basic protections from insurance company abuses and that in order for us to do that, we are going to have to make some changes in the status quo that we've been debating for a year.
This notion that this has been not transparent, that people don't know what's in the bill, everybody knows what's in the bill. I sat for seven hours with -
BAIER: Mr. President, you couldn't tell me what the special deals are that are in or not today.
OBAMA: I just told you what was in and what was not in.
BAIER: Is Connecticut in?
OBAMA: Connecticut - what are you specifically referring to?
BAIER: The $100 million for the hospital? Is Montana in for the asbestos program? Is - you know, listen, there are people - this is real money, people are worried about this stuff.
OBAMA: And as I said before, this - the final provisions are going to be posted for many days before this thing passes, but -
*
Until then, I guess we don't even know what we're arguing about.
5. And:
BAIER: You said a few times as Senator Obama that if a president has to eke out a victory of 50 plus one, that on something as important as health care, 'you can't govern.' But now you're embracing a 50 plus one reconciliation process in the Senate, so do you feel like you can govern after this?
OBAMA: Well, Bret, the - I think what we've seen during the course of this year is that we have come up with a bill that basically tracks the recommendations of Tom Daschle, former Democratic senator and leader, but also Bob Dole, former Republican leader, Howard Baker, former Republican leader.
RHODES: Bob Dole and Howard Baker? Who's your health secretary, Doc Brown?
6. Even you, Dennis Kucinich? You raised money on your opposition to this bill.
7. Look, I'm passionate about health care reform. I prefer single-payer, as I've written here several times, but I think there are plenty of other options that never got discussed that could have achieved bipartisan consensus. I believe there were other approaches as well to a congressional boondoggle. That's not what Obama was elected to do. I also speak as someone who buys his own, bare-bones plan from Blue Cross/Blue Shield just in case I get hit by a bus. And guess what? I can't afford the latest premium hike and I'm about to become uninsured. But that doesn't mean I want a horrendous bill with tremendously awful long-range implications to pass.
8. "Most Americans agree that health care reform is needed. You can't have insurance companies kicking people off the rolls when they get sick, and you can't have Americans not able to see a doctor because they don't have enough money. There have to be safety nets in a civilized society."
Guess who said that? Bill O'Reilly this week. It was hardly the first time. It's a party line vote in Congress, but in America support for health care reform but disgust with the legislation before us is indeed bipartisan.
-
The Beachwood Tip Line: Antipartisan.
First Round
MIDWEST
Kansas vs. Lehigh. One day a No. 16 seed will beat a No. 1 seed, but when that day comes that seed will not be named Lehigh. Plus, we're looking forward to Kansas's upcoming Final Four heartbreak.
UNLV vs. Northern Iowa. Normally our algorithm doesn't approve of schools with directional names, and normally our algorithm favors schools located in gambling meccas, and normally our algorithm is against all things Iowa, where someone on our staff spent nine miserable months once, but in this case we think the Panthers have just enough to get by the Runnin' Rebels before Kansas puts them out of our misery.
Michigan State vs. New Mexico State. Sorry, libertarian hippie freaks, the auto bailout will prop up the Spartans one more time.
]]> Maryland vs. Houston. Maryland could make a deep run, while Houston's unfamiliarity with zoning will do it in.Tennessee vs. San Diego State. SDSU also has underdog potential, but not as much as if it was SDSY.
Georgetown vs. Ohio. Put the dot on the "i" and settle in for Ohio's pending mind-blowing showdown with Ohio State.
Oklahoma State vs. Georgia Tech. Georgia Tech is a PC, so we'll take the Cowboys, who don't need no stinkin' computers.
Ohio State vs. UC-Santa Barbara. Vincent Vega not enough for a UCSB upset.
*
WEST
Syracuse vs. Vermont. Sorry, Dr. Dean.
Gonzaga vs. Florida State. The yuppies have discovered Gonzaga and, predictably, ruined it. But they'll get one win in before heading home.
Butler vs. UTEP. The Beachwood algorithm would usually work against any school named after paid domestic help, but in this case the West Texas town of El Paso can't compete.
Vanderbilt vs. Murray State. Vandy will advance to the White Glove Bowl against Butler.
Xavier vs. Minnesota. Xavier will overcome a weak throwing arm to topple inconsistent upstart Minnesota, which is too polite to beat an injured man.
Pittsburgh vs. Oakland (Mich.). Billy Beane's younger brother just not enough to overcome Pitt, despite Dave Wannstedt.
BYU vs. Florida. Mormon jokes still not old.
Kansas State vs. North Texas. Algorithm and lack of talent knock North Texas out.
*
EAST
Kentucky vs. East Tennessee State. Maybe if it was South Tennessee State, but otherwise no.
Texas vs. Wake Forest. Even first-round losses are bigger in Texas.
Temple vs. Cornell. Jews vs. Goys? Never bet against God's chosen people, at least until the third round.
Wisconsin vs. Wofford. We want to like Wofford, which claims to offer a "Quintessential Liberal Arts Education," but a look beneath the surface reveals that the school is located in Spartanburg, S.C. So, you know, just another Internet scam.
Marquette vs. Washington. Everybody hates Washington these days, and we're no different. Reconcile this!
New Mexico vs. Montana. I would have liked to have seen Montana. Oops!
Clemson vs. Missouri. We're suckers for that paw print.
West Virginia vs. Morgan State. You're out of here, Morgan. Don't have the temperament for the trade. There's always barber college.
*
SOUTH
Duke vs. South Harmon Institute of Technology. Geez, they let just about anyone into that play-in game these days.
California vs. Louisville. Schwarzenegger has his whole state budget riding on this game at the Mirage, so we'll give it to him because we love those commercials about being just a bunch of pencil-pushers.
Texas A&M vs. Utah. A&M being called up for ninth tour of duty in Iraq soon, so we think they might make a little run here.
Purdue vs. Siena. Any school with a mascot named after a cocktail almost always gets our vote.
Notre Dame vs. Old Dominion. What is this, the Dark Ages Bowl? Notre Dame wins in a conspiracy.
Baylor vs. Sam Houston State. We didn't like Baylor much when he coached the Cubs, but Sam Houston's ego is a bit much to take.
Richmond vs. St. Mary's. There's something about St. Mary's. We think it's the stench of failure.
Villanova vs. Robert Morris. We don't think that little school downtown can compete. Maybe if it was hockey.
-
-
See also:
* Beachwood Brackets '09!
* Beachwood Brackets '08
* Beachwood Brackets '07
* The Beachwood Brackets
Cramped circumstances like that dictate two choices: 1) become lifelong, inseparable pals or 2) become mortal enemies. We choose option 1.
As adults, getting together with my brother is an absolute teenage boy laugh riot; all dick jokes, goofy innuendos and junk food all the time. We bullshit constantly and never tire of hanging out.
But he absolutely cannot abide one thing that I do: I constantly and incessantly ask him for a bite of whatever he is eating. The most irritating, grating sentence in the world for my brother is, "Hey, lemme get a bite of that."
I don't know why I do it; maybe it's a residual reaction to always sharing as kids, or perhaps it's an instinctual alpha male domination thing (I am older by four years). He claims I am just too damn cheap to buy my own. Whatever it is that drives me to bogart my brother's stuff, it drives my brother absolutely batty.
When I die, and he is standing over my grave, he will finally be able to say, "No motherfucker, you cannot have a bite."
Here, then, are things I have asked my brother for a bite of:
]]> 1. His Dope Rhymes.I have to admit, Dicky's got ill moneymaking skills. He once saved the youth center from certain destruction as his rhyme-spitting, crime-fighting alter ego, MC Sticky Lips. And I am a hater. So I've asked for a little bite of his rhyme flavor. He won't give me none.
2. His Fat Pills.
My brother is a fiend for Little Debbie snack cakes. He calls them his precious little fat cakes. He has never, ever eaten one in my presence without me hassling him for, "c'mon just a little bite, man." I think he buys them three at a time because he knows that the Drew Attrition Rate is going to be at least a third. And I have never taken a bite of one of his fat cakes without make a face and saying, "Ew, that's too sweet."
3. His High Fashion Style.
Wait, forget this one; that mope dresses just like me: a chubby pizza delivery guy on his way to a date at the bowling alley on 10-cent wing night.
4. His Pens.
I have the truly disgusting habit of chewing pens, straws, pop tops; basically I'll chew anything that won't shatter my teeth. I once chewed so many pencils - lead pencils - in grade school that, at one point, I was only allowed to have use one pencil a day and if I ate it, then I got a zero for the work I couldn't do without a pencil. The worst look I've ever seen on my brother's face was the time he picked up a pen I had been chewing on and slobber leaked out all over his hand.
5. His Ear.
He'd already scored a stunning TKO upset over me seven months earlier. This fight was supposed to be my comeback, but when he hit me in my junk again, I don't know what happened; the next thing I know, I've got a piece of his ear stuck in my teeth and a weird face tattoo.
6. His Crime Syndicate.
Whatever action he's got, I want a piece of it.
7. His Hot Spaghetti On The Stove.
What I thought he was saying was, "Stop, stop it'll be too funny if you eat that before me after I've been slaving away at it for an hour." What he actually said was, "You are going to fuck your mouth up if you eat that." He was right; I couldn't taste anything for a week.
8. His Sweet Jump Roping Skills.
Shit, I can't even say this one with a straight face. We'd both keel over from a coronary if either one of us biscuit-eating, Dom DeLuise twins so much as picked up a jump rope.
9. His Wedding Cake (at the reception).
His wife still hasn't forgiven me for that one. I know, my piece was coming, but his looked so much better.
Richard Adamek contributed to this post.
-
-
Other Lists By Drew Adamek:
* Today's Syllabus
* Shit My Dad Says
* Work Weirdos
* Things I Miss About Chicago
* 20 Albums I Wish I Had Never Bought
* Their Chicago
* Cities I've Slept In
* My Favorite 1980s Chicago Radio Memories
* Why Milwaukee Rules
* Why I'm Glad I Don't Live In D.C. Anymore
* The Beer Goggle Recordings
* A List Of Reader Comments To Drew's Lists
* Life's Little Victories
* The Worst Jobs I've Ever Had
* Jobs For The Zombie Apocalypse
Plus:
* Fan Note: Me & Metallica
I don't believe Churchill Downs Inc. (CDI) is simply the benevolent caretaker of horse racing and America's biggest racing event. And I don't believe reality television has much to do with reality. Instead, it's a crass capitalization on the fact that Americans have an innate desire to believe what they see on television and in newspapers.
I didn't make much inner progress on these things after watching the latest installment of CBS's Undercover Boss, where the geek head of CDI went "undercover" to experience the "lowest" jobs in the company. You know, the other side of the tracks. The only bit of reality they shoot for and hit is that the employees they meet have eminently more grease in their elbows, work ethic in their brains and pride in their souls than any cookie-cutter, interchangeable MBA above them.
]]> Noticeably absent from the show was any mention of the fans or horseplayers, or even a glimpse of the backside workers, who some have compared to migrant workers. There wasn't a Mexican groom or hotwalker in the whole show. Maybe they figured Murrow had that covered back in 1960.Meet William C. Carstanjen. Self described as climbing up the ladder of corporate law and mergers and acquisitions, the corporate web site bills him as Executive Vice President and Chief Development Officer. Throughout the show, he is referred to as chief operating officer. We see him strolling into Churchill Downs, past the statue of Barbaro (figures) and into the boardroom to tell his "team" (godamighty I hate that term and running into it here at the regular job) that he's going undercover and they'd better keep it quiet.
***
Questioning Reality 1: Are you telling me he didn't have a Human Resources staffer scope out the employees at Calder Casino and Race Course in Florida and our very own Arlington Park beforehand to find the employees most likely to make this thing work?
***
So he grows a few days' worth of beard and says he's Billy Johns. His movie company failed and he's making a documentary about entry-level jobs. Hence, the cameras. And he'll be staying at No-Tell Motels both in Florida and Illinois so as not to raise suspicion.
Leaving his truly sprawling estate in Kentucky "for a week," his wife is quoted over the goodbye: "It will be interesting because Bill likes to be in control of things." Ah, the true nature of any CEO. The ivory-tower mentality is further driven home when Billy says, rather truthfully, "There's a lot of responsibility in working in an environment where people have such a passion for what they're doing." Imagine that, caring about a job. That you have to have.
***
Questioning Reality 2: Are Calder and Arlington really hiring? Wouldn't you have to know someone to get in?
***
Billy lands at Calder. He boasts of the $100 million investment CDI is putting into Calder (it's a casino and you'll see their priorities by going to the Calder home page.
Billy goes to work for trainer Gillian Andreasen. I wonder if she ever wins a race because I could find no trace of her in trainer standings. It appears she bops up and down the East Coast, following the racing seasons. But she desperately needs to win a race or she may lose the few stalls she has at Calder.
All we really see here is Billy trying to feed the horses, which Gillian halts when his fear and apprehension of the horses starts to spook them. Gillian probably saved his life. "CDI COO Trampled by $5,000 Claimer" would not have looked good in the Daily Racing Form.
Striding across the apron to watch her horse race, Gillian tells Billy to not even think about working in this game, it's dying and there are few if any opportunities. Billy's real surprised at this. Man, doesn't he read the trades? Holding the Check finishes badly and Gillean is angry, disappointed and fearful of the future. "When you're down to your last couple of hundred bucks . . . "
***
Questioning Reality 3: Why on earth would Jean, the bugler at Arlington Park, allow this Gomer Pyle to even come close to her bugle, let alone have him attempt to actually blow the Call to the Post, without being ordered to do so by some Arlington big cheese? He actually did it and made Yoko Ono sound like Duke Ellington.
***
Then he goes to work for Denise, whose job is to clean the Arlington luxury suites after the races. You've seen how many suites there are. It looks like Denise is the only employee doing it. Billy is bad and is slowing the process. Which is bad because it seems she's part time, at $8 per hour, and has to get it the hell done.
One of her biggest issues is that she commutes from Chicago to Arlington Heights, and the cherry-on-the-sundae insult is that nobody in security will escort her across a dark parking lot to her car. Denise is truly afraid for her safety.
***
Questioning Reality 4: Yo, geek. Why do you ask so many questions?
***
Still at Arlington, we meet Roxanne, a two-job employee who provides the evening's comedy. In the mornings, she's a backside worker, mucking stalls and washing horses. And damn, just as she tells Billy that he has to wash "any area there might be" on the horse, the camera cuts away. But I don't think Billy got kicked in the head.
He's giving her the third degree. "What do you want to be?" In a bit of great timing, "President of Churchill Downs would be fine."
In the afternoon, Roxanne is the receptionist and Girl Friday in the press box. "People on the front side don't get the people on the back side. I get to see both; it's important," Roxanne reveals. And, man, is that one, soo-weet press box? Although I didn't see any wagering machines.
"That was an honest day's work," Billy moans as he flops on the bed that night.
***
Questioning Reality 5: Is this guy really going to subsist on a 4.5-ounce microwaved cup of chicken noodle soup? Or did you do that just for the reality?
***
His last job will be as a jockey's valet (it's really pronounced VAL-ett, like they do on the show, it really is). Being a team manager back in the day, I can relate. I can also see he's going to fail miserably.
He's hooked up with Kenny Rice, a former jockey who now sees to everything so all the jockey has to do is ride. He's assigned to the vivacious Swede, Inez Karlsson, the only woman in the jockey colony. Inez reads the situation like she's trying to split horses on the rail: "I'm a tough cookie. If I get pissed, I will tell you."
While Kenny shows Billy his clipboard list of race and silks assignments, the one with the picture of a young girl affixed to the top, the boss keeps using the racing program. "Don't use the program, it takes too much time to turn the pages." Kenny points to the clipboard list with the picture of a young girl affixed to the top. "This is your bible."
He's supposed to tag along, but Billy loses track of Kenny and tries to find him. I wouldn't be surprised if he went all the way up to the Million Room. The other valets are howling.
Inez won three races on the day, 10-1 on Two-Ninety Five in the one race we saw. Valets are not allowed to bet.
***
Questioning Reality 6: If the music is so dramatic throughout these shows, how will we know when a scene really is dramatic? And do The Dramatics get a cut of this reality music?
***
Then we get hit with The Emotional Moment.
That picture on top of Kenny's clipboard is an In Memoriam card for his teenage daughter, Meghan, who died of a heart condition just months previously. Billy starts bashing himself and then cries for not noticing it. I guess you can't blame this deer in the headlights for not noticing.
Kenny's always on the edge, but he seems to be handling it reasonably well. He really needs to be around the track and I would think being a valet has a lot of prestige in the world of the track. Probably a good idea to have him valet for Ms. Karlsson.
So it's the moment of truth as William Carstanjen has to atone for his sins. He tells the CDI board that aside from the spreadsheets and stock quotations, they have to do their jobs on some sort of personal level, as dangerous as that might be. They look at him like he just landed from Mars with Baretta's cockatoo on his wrist.
"Bill, how will you change the way you do things?"
"Understand that there is a personal level to these people and their jobs."
I would have added: "And you'll be manning the Miller Brewing ice cart in General Admission during Arlington Million Week."
Gillian gets more stalls at Calder, and Denise takes a full-time job at Arlington, demurring his offer to take a job at a CDI facility (probably the Mud Bug OTB, Denise; good call) closer to home. He relocates Roxanne to Louisville to "work in the Marketing Department up to the Derby." Seems like kind of a short promise, but we hope Roxie "takes the reins."
And in what is probably one of the nicest gestures in racing, WC promises that Arlington will name a race for Meghan on Opening Day, April 29, 2010.
After showing a few clips from the show and telling the Arlington employees he'll always remember them, Kenny gives him an arm knock: "You're still gonna name that race for Meghan, right?"
***
Questioning Reality 7: Does anybody really believe things will get substantially better for the people upon whose backs these companies profit? Why yes. Didn't we just witness that on Undercover Boss?
-
Visit the What I Watched Last Night archives and see what else we've been watching.
-
Submissions and comments welcome.
- March 4, 2010, New York Times
*
House May Try To Pass Senate Health-Care Bill Without Voting On It
- March 15, 2010, Washington Post
]]> March MadnessIf any of those teams don't have enough points to make it into the Final Four, Obama will huddle with NCAA officials and try to advance them through reconciliation.
Jobs Candidate
Cheryle Robinson Jackson, the first female president and CEO of the Chicago Urban League, is committed to public service and focused on improving the lives of people.
- Jackson's Facebook description of herself
[M]y passion is economic development."
- August 19, 2009, the Defender
Former U.S. Senate candidate Cheryle Jackson has been named vice president of government affairs and corporate development for AAR, a Wood Dale-based company that supplies services and goods to the aerospace and defense industry.
In her new role, "I'll be helping the company grow by finding strategic alliances and partnerships," she said.
Cry For Help
"Billy Corgan has tapped legendary Chicago photographer Art Shay to chronicle him for the next three years, as the Smashing Pumpkins rocker completes 40 new songs," Bill Zwecker reports.
The project will tentatively be called Pay Attention To Me, Dammit!
Forrest, Trees
"Sneed hears rumbles White House pressure is being put on Quinn, who favors a female sidekick, to select populist/Cook County Commissioner Forrest Claypool for the job."
Wha?
*
"Word is Dem Cook County Commissioner Forrest Claypool is eyeing a run for the assessor's seat as an independent."
Huh?
*
"[A]fter seven years of challenging the established Cook County leaders within his own party, many insiders are left wondering: Why isn't Claypool running for County Board president this time around since the field is relatively weak, reform is a key issue and he's been beating that drum for years?" CBS2 reported in January.
"'Well I certainly expected to be running again and I planned to run again,' Claypool said. 'But a friend of mine felt like we had developed some ideas and a business model for integrated services and answers about nationalized health care reform, so I had to make a decision between the two and it was the hardest decision of my life.'"
Maybe cashing in on health care reform doesn't look so hot anymore.
NBC Hates Women
Chicago's most misogynist news site strikes again.
*
One of the commenters suggests the image in question was auto-generated. I can't say that it wasn't, but I can say that when I wrote for NBCChicago.com I chose the images myself for my posts; it was one of the responsibilities assigned to writers.
*
As I've briefly recounted before, I became so alarmed at the sudden prevalence of scantily clad, buxom women all over the site (and the sophomoric headlines and text wrapped around them) after some new editors were brought in - on orders from New York to make the site "salacious" - that I raised the issue with my minder there (a woman) and was assured that "this is not the direction the site is going."
That was nine months ago.
Hipsters On Food Stamps?
Chicago reacts.
Jobs For The Zombie Apocalypse
"An advanced degree in European film studies or Social Media Marketing isn't going to do me any good when the dead rise from their graves to feed upon the living," our very own Drew Adamek writes. "Humanity will need people who can build things from scratch, with little or no natural resources, all while running from flesh-eating hordes."
Grading Daley
Excerpts from his report card.
Alexei and Aramis
Together again in Fantasy Fix.
Five Stars
This place is really good. Ask for Jose and tell him I sent you.
-
The Beachwood Tip Line: Hip and hungry.
Sites like Yahoo, MSN and AOL compile my favorite job tip lists. We've all seen them; the ten most recession-proof jobs, the ten most in-demand careers, ten jobs for a new economy. I get them on my e-mail home page all the time, and even though I know I shouldn't, I always click through to them.
I've noticed some similarities in this type of list: Looking for a job in the failed housing economy of the Southeast? Become a nurse. Looking for a post-meltdown job on Wall Street? Become a nurse. Want a high tech job in Silicon Valley? Become a nurse.
These lists are helpful in their way, but I don't want to become a nurse.
Plus, I am a worst-case scenario kind of guy. I am not planning for an economic collapse or another tech bubble; what really worries me is the coming Zombie Apocalypse. An advanced degree in European film studies or Social Media Marketing isn't going to do me any good when the dead rise from their graves to feed upon the living. Humanity will need people who can build things from scratch, with little or no natural resources, all while running from flesh-eating hordes.
Here, then, are ten jobs for the coming Zombie Apocalypse:
]]> 1. Potter.When the only raw materials left are mud and the blood of the innocents, the man who can make a pot will be king. We might all think the hippie kid studying ceramic arts is just in it for the bong hits now, but when the global manufacturing base is eradicated in an orgy of cannibalism, we are going to need him to make all of our durable goods.
2. High School Teacher.
If we are to survive, we'll need leaders used to dealing with glassy-eyed, slack-jawed hordes with pallid skin, and a slavish devotion to hive mentality. The only real way to defeat Zombies is to peel them off, one by one, and teach them to think for themselves and consider the consequences of devouring the flesh of the living. Who better equipped than your sophomore history teacher?
3. Mortician.
I've done some research in secret ancient texts that I found on the Internet, and we might be exaggerating the undead threat. According to some experts, zombies aren't just killing and eating machines. They may want to just get along with the rest of us and they will need medical attention.
4. Hollywood Socialite With a Reality Show.
Zombies are after brains, so you should be fine.
5. Good-Looking Neurobiologist.
Only you can save humanity with the formula. But you have to hurry because time is running out. Qualifications include: looking like Sandra Bullock, the inability to run without falling and a soft spot for burly loners who would rather see us all rot in hell.
6. Investigative Journalist.
Someone needs to uncover how the zombie outbreak is the result of corporate malfeasance and political corruption, and could have been stopped with simple government oversight. Wait, what . . . what do you mean journalism has already been taken over by zombies?
7. Ice Road Trucker.
Turns out zombies can't survive in extreme cold; what remains of humanity will be isolated in the Polar Regions. Only the bravest, burliest, most photogenic tough guys can brave the dangerous conditions to keep humanity supplied.
8. Lemmy.
Nobody fucks with Lemmy. In fact, Lemmy may be the first sign of the zombie war; an undead warrior soul wandering the earth looking for faces to destroy.
9. Wall Street Banker.
Who better to fight the hordes of the undead than blood-sucking, mindless, killing machines used to destroying the lives of millions of innocent people on a greedy whim. Zombies can't really kill something without a soul now, can they?
10. Nurse.
Nursing might be the fastest growing field in America. With most of the population set to retire or be eaten by the undead, the demand for nurses has never been higher. Salaries range from $43,000 to a room in the impenetrable anti-zombie fort built by the San Antonio Air National Guard.
-
-
Other Lists By Drew Adamek:
* Today's Syllabus
* Shit My Dad Says
* Work Weirdos
* Things I Miss About Chicago
* 20 Albums I Wish I Had Never Bought
* Their Chicago
* Cities I've Slept In
* My Favorite 1980s Chicago Radio Memories
* Why Milwaukee Rules
* Why I'm Glad I Don't Live In D.C. Anymore
* The Beer Goggle Recordings
* A List Of Reader Comments To Drew's Lists
* Life's Little Victories
* The Worst Jobs I've Ever Had
Plus:
* Fan Note: Me & Metallica
And how.
Here are excerpts from the mayoral report card the group issued Tuesday.
]]> Subject: Criminal JusticeSubject: Economic Development
Grade: D
Excerpt: Chicago's economic reality has been dismal at best over the past few years. And while city residents of every ilk have been grossly impacted by the current crisis, still some communities have been far more severely impacted while receiving the least amount of assistance. Communities became momentarily hopeful by some potential opportunities that were motivated by Chicago's bid for the 2016 Olympics, yet hopes were quickly dashed once concerns for fiscal accountability and transparency for the bid budget and spending were voiced by City Council members, and certainly hopes were laid to rest once Chicago lost the bid. TIF dollars have been primarily used as incentives for companies to create employment opportunities for Chicago residents. However, these employment opportunities have failed to reach those communities most severely ravaged by unemployment. Furthermore, current measures have failed to insure that companies that have received TIF incentives continue to promote and preserve the number of jobs they agreed to under TIF stipulations.
Subject: Education
Grade: D+
Excerpt: Despite the heated debate over the efficacy of charter schools, the current state of Chicago's education system has been deemed unacceptable by those communities most negatively impacted by current education policies. The extent to which families have lost their ability to choose a school for their children, the extent to which communities have been torn apart due to children being placed at schools outside of their communities, and the practically wholesale severing of school from community through the dissolution of Local Schools Council authority, leaves very little indication that Chicago provides adequate access to education for all of its citizens.
Subject: Environment
Grade: B
Excerpt: s a regional leader in committing to green technologies, Chicago has consistently looked toward both existing and emerging technologies to improve the environmental efficiency of its own operations, setting the example for residents and businesses. The city's foresight in championing sustainable development has driven the growth of a new local industry . . . That said, while the elimination of the Blue Bag program ushered in the more popular Blue Cart program, it has not been implemented across the entire city, with some of Chicago's most blighted neighborhoods still without recycling services. And while many have looked favorably upon Daley's Chicago Climate Action Plan, funding for such a plan remains a question in many people's minds. Furthermore, the plan raises cause for concern, as it in no way provides solutions for the very specific health hazards Chicago's air poses to residents, particularly those living in the communities of Little Village and Pilsen who are at risk for disease or death as a result of the poisonous gases emitted from neighboring coal-powered plants.
Subject: Ethics and Corruption
Grade: D+
Excerpt: This section received a better grade [than 2007's F] primarily because of the significant and positive work of the Inspector General's Office to tackle and curb corruption.
Subject: Housing
Grade: F
Excerpt: While the City espouses a priority on affordable housing, its housing policies still seem to primarily benefit developers. In some cases, affordable housing practices have benefited individuals who have turned the affordable housing opportunities into profit-making ventures, and have done so with impunity. The city has done an appalling job of replacing the scores of public housing units that have been destroyed, leaving thousands of residents and former residents without the housing they were promised. Furthermore, many former public housing residents have been further deemed ineligible for CHA assistance as a result of modification to CHA policy. As CHA's Plan for Transformation comes to an end, there is an impending danger that public housing building will be left semi destroyed and that Chicago residents will be left semi homeless, living in subhuman conditions. Finally, with only two years left in the city's 10-yr plan to end homelessness, there is still no city investment in creating permanent housing for homeless people.
Subject: Transportation
Grade: D
Excerpt: The city continues to provide a lack of adequate public transportation service across the entire city, particularly on the South and West sides, despite its review of several plans - such as the downtown congestion tax - that might provide much-needed revenue to repair and modernize trains, uses, and the transit infrastructure. CTA's most recent cuts only exacerbate the inequities in service provision across the city. Beyond that, the parking meter privatization deal has by far lent the most weight in lowering the city's grade in this area. It was not only the manner in which the deal was railroaded through City Council that residents found most alarming, but also the agreement itself, which former Inspector General David Hoffman reported made far less money for the city than it should have made.
*
DGAP not only graded the mayor but offered policy recommendations that, if taken up, would improve his score. You can find those on DGAP's website.
*
See also excerpts from the more extensive 2007 report card:
- Grading Daley: Part One
- Grading Daley: Part Two
*
]]>PG: Jrue Holiday, Philadelphia. Only 30% owned in Yahoo!, he recently became a starter and averaged 5.6 assists per game and 2 steals per game last week to go along with 14 points per game.
SG: Marcus Thornton, New Orleans. 63% owned. One of the players thrust into action after Chris Paul's injury affected substitutions at both PG and SG, he averaged 19.8 PPG last week, mostly coming off the bench.
SF: James Johnson, Chicago. Overshadowed by Taj Gibson all year, this rookie has been getting time with Joakim Noah and Gibson both suffering from foot ailments. Available in virtually all leagues, he has scored 13.3 PPG and collected 1.3 blocks per game in his last three games.
]]> PF: Anthony Tolliver, Golden State. 10.7 PPg and 8.7 RPG for Tolliver last week, and just 18% owned.C: Jason Maxiell, Detroit. Averaged 13 PPG, 10.8 RPG and 1.0 BPG last week, getting playing time with Ben Wallace injured.
Next week: Best of the Season awards.
Fantasy Baseball
There may not be time to go through every position as deeply as I'd like, as baseball drafts kicked in over the last few days. So, this time around, I'll knock out a few choice picks at SS and 3B - the guys not named Hanley Ramirez or Evan Longoria, and who won't be gone after the few rounds - but may be worth your time.
SS
Alexei Ramirez, White Sox: We were all expecting a great season last year and, instead, he started slow and took forever to recover. Maybe a bit more power and measurably more stolen bases this year in a more aggressive base-running scheme.
Stephen Drew, Arizona: Another slow starter last year who is already a good bet for triples (12 last year) and who could rediscover the power that helped him to 21 homers in 2008.
Alcides Escobar, Milwaukee: Highly-touted prospect has a good chance to hit early in the lineup, stay above .300 and collect plenty of stolen bases.
3B
Aramis Ramirez, Cubs: His health pushed him down the draft list this year, but he hits better than anyone else with runners in scoring position. Something of a mid-round steal.
Chone Figgins, Seattle: He's streaky, but when he's on he piles up hits, walks, stolen bases and runs.
Adrian Beltre, Boston: Homers took a dive last year, but in Fenway I think he'll get a power stroke back and could also be good for 15 or so stolen bases.
Next week: We make a visit to the mound.
The Fantasy Basketball Expert Wire
* Bleacher Report takes its own look at some waiver wire sleepers, endorsing our love for Jrue Holiday.
* SLAM Online says forget about your NCAA brackets and stayed focused on the pros.
The Fantasy Baseball Expert Wire
* ESPN's Eric Karabell notes that starting pitcher Ben Sheets is not helping his draft status much in spring training, as he has been hammered thus far. Sheets is definitely dropping into very late-round sleeper territory, but his new stadium in Oakland is huge, and assuming he makes the team, I think he'll have a decent year.
* SI.com ranks the top 15 outfielders. Jacoby Ellsbury continues to be listed awfully high (No. 6 this time) for a guy who may not go into double digits in home runs. Many multitool outfielders, like Jayson Werth and Justin Upton, deserve to be ahead of him.
* OPEN Sports has the low-down on some players whose value is rising. Jon Rauch anyone?
-
Dan O'Shea's Fantasy Fix appears in this space every Wednesday. He welcomes your comments. You can also read his about his split sports fan personality at SwingsBothWays, which isn't about what it sounds like it's about.
*
"Graham and Moreno are the 34th and 35th aldermanic appointments in Daley's 21-year tenure as mayor," the Sun-Times reports. "But they are the first to follow an open invitation for applicants on the city's Web site."
And they are the first appointments made after the local media went along with the fiction that online applicants would be considered for the job.
]]> Moreno is one of the names floated by the outgoing Manny Flores; Moreno is also connected to the United Neighborhood Organization, which is essentially "the new HDO."The mayor is paying particular attention these days to directing resources and attention Hispanics in advance of his next re-election bid.
Graham, meanwhile, already works for Daley as a city planner when she's not carrying his ill-fated gun control legislation in Springfield. She replaces convicted corruption peddler Ike Carothers, which figures.
"After going through the motions of taking resumes on the city Web site, Daley picked someone who wouldn't have been state representative if Carothers hadn't decided to pull out all the stops to get her elected in 2002, with some help from Carothers' wholly owned subsidiary in the 37th Ward - Ald. Emma Mitts," Mark Brown writes.
More to the point, from the Sun-Times: "In 2002, Graham and her Democratic primary opponent finished dead even in a race decided by a coin toss. She helped finance that 2002 campaign with a $13,000 contribution from Carothers' New 29th Ward Campaign Committee."
*
I live in the 1st Ward - on the same block as Manny, just a few buildings down - and I sure would have liked to have been able to vote for my new alderman. Even over the Internet.
Tase Phase
"A man who hid inside Macy's on State Street after hours was Tasered when he tried to leave the store with merchandise Saturday night, police said," the Sun-Times reports.
This made me think of a recent conversation I had with my friend Tracy Siska of the Chicago Justice Project about Tasers and other so-called "non-lethal" weapons.
While expressing some reservations about Tasers to the degree that they have actually contributed to the deaths of some suspects (usually, as I understand it, not on their own but as a result of aggravating a pre-existing condition), I told Siska that I had always thought Tasers and other options like beanbag guns were progressive alternatives to using guns in situations where a lesser level of force could get the job done. Siska enlightened me a bit: non-lethal weapons are never really an alternative to guns, because non-lethal weapons are used in situations in which guns would never be used.
For example, a police officer wouldn't use a gun on a shoplifter at Macy's. That's not to say using a Taser is wrong in that situation, just that it's as much about the officer's safety in not having to, say, wrestle the suspect to the ground (without knowing if he has, say, needles in his pocket or even a weapon).
Tasers can be a useful part of a police officer's toolbox, but sometimes the way we talk in the media about their value and the way they are deployed them is a bit muddled.
Mystery Quinn Theater
But no one believes you, Governor!
Poll Patrol
"Pew: Online News Users Don't Want To Pay - Or Look At Ads."
This just in: Neither do newspaper readers or television watchers!
This just in: Drivers Don't Want To Pay For Cars - Or Look At Car Commercials."
And by the way, for the millionth time, if print newspaper subscribers were willing to pony up for just the news, we wouldn't have had to suffer through Cathy and the horoscopes and the likes of Bob Greene and Richard Roeper all these years. A newspaper is not the same as the news.
App That
In more interesting media news . . .
"Hearst has about 70 apps under its LMK banner in the iTunes App Store right now and it just plans to keep adding more and more," paidContent reports. "Most of the LMK apps sell for about $1.99, while a handful cost $0.99 per download. The LMK initials stand for 'Let Me Know' and are devoted to news and photos about a single Hollywood stars and sports teams and figures, as well as hobbies and general topics like cupcakes and Barbie dolls. The apps run the gamut from Lady Gaga to Metallica to Tiger Woods to the NY Yankees and feature photos and news updates."
The Worst Jobs Drew Has Had
"I've had jobs that left me scared for my life, angry at an unfair God and questioning whether humanity shouldn't just die in a nuclear holocaust," our very own Drew Adamek writes in his latest list. "And for $4.15 an hour at that."
-
The Beachwood Tip Line: Like a cloud.
]]>Here's a slight reconstruction of my notes, with some of my own commentary thrown in:
PONCE: Why does your budget proposal only make changes to future pension payouts, not current payouts?
QUINN: It's easier to get legislative votes.
RHODES: Then why not double pension payouts? That's even easier!
QUINN: Education is the last thing I want to cut . . .
RHODES: That's why it's the first cut I'm proposing!
QUINN: . . . but losing $1 billion in federal funds . . .
RHODES: So this is just to replace one-time stimulus money? Why not just add another Lotto game? Call it Schoolhouse Lotto. Or maybe a lottery game where the winning numbers are based on that day's deficit.
PONCE: No one believes you, governor!
QUINN: . . . surcharge to replace federal money . . . the leaders and legislators are open-minded to our plan . . .
RHODES: Only to the extent that they'll play along until you implode.
QUINN: [recitation of how good and strong the people of Illinois are, and how education is our future, yada yada yada]
RHODES: And I will not cut the unicorn budget either!
*
Questions asked that Quinn failed to answer, instead dodging and weaving with darting eyes talking about, you know, how good and strong the people of Illinois are.
- Why do you propose classroom cuts but not bureaucracy cuts?
- Your party as the governorship, the House, the Senate, and all the statewide constitutional offices. Are you embarrassed that Democrats can't get anything done?
- What is Michael Madigan telling you?
- Mayor Daley has accused you of double-crossing him and other mayors by breaking your vow to protect aid to cities. Did you double-cross the mayor?
*
Quinn called Daley "a good friend."
*
QUINN: It takes some fortitude, I think, to get into the arena and tell the public the truth.
RHODES: Though it takes even more to dodge and weave like I'm doing now. Notice how I'm filibustering to stall out the questioning. My advisors taught me that.
*
QUINN: I was revenue director for the City of Chicago . . .
RHODES: And you were fired! By Harold Washington! Didn't you see the ad?
*
QUINN: I favor free [CTA] rides for seniors.
RHODES: How about free rides for all those teachers you're pretending you're going to lay off?
*
Ponce asks Quinn if he's "risk-averse," though I think by risk-averse he really meant "spineless." Ponce mentioned Quinn backing down on the two University of Illinois board members who refused to resign, those free rides for seniors, keeping corrections chief Michael Randle despite the early-release scandal . . .
QUINN: No, no, no!
Quinn said that he's been told the U of I now has the best board ever! And he helped pass tough ethics laws!
MARIN: But you backed off your own reform commission's recommendations that would have reined in the power of legislative leaders Michael Madigan and John Cullerton . . .
QUINN: [talks about economic growth and small business tax credits instead]
*
Carol Marin asks Quinn about a recent poll showing a gender gap in favor of Republican opponent Bill Brady, who has an advantage in support from women. Quinn talks about . . . how good and strong the people of Illinois are, or some such nonsense, I started to lose consciousness.
*
After Quinn touts his grassroots heritage and fights for democracy, he says that finishing second in the primary doesn't automatically qualify someone like, say, Art Turner, to be the lieutenant governor nominee.
QUINN: I'm going to pick somebody who is . . .
RHODES: . . . good and strong?
MARIN: You're doing the picking?
RHODES: Yeah, isn't that Governor Madigan's job?
QUINN: I think my recommendation will be the one that's picked by the committee.
RHODES: The grassroots committee or the reform committee? Oh, the Democratic committee!
*
Note: At one point during the interview, I proclaimed "This is Meet The Press!" Ponce and Marin should team up like this more often - like every night! It was refreshing. I wondered what it would have been like for them to have Daley in the hot seat, or any other number of folks. While each is talented on their own, the combined whole was even more than the sum of their parts.
-
]]>Some of the jobs have been fantastic: research director at a television production company; barista at a coffee cart at a community college; investigator at a civic watchdog group . . . the last ten years of work have been a lot of fun.
But I've also had some terrible, godawful, insanely unsafe jobs. Working wasn't quite as much fun back in the 90s when I had no real experience, no high school diploma, and a willingness to do just about anything.
I've had jobs that left me scared for my life, angry at an unfair God and questioning whether humanity shouldn't just die in a nuclear holocaust. And for $4.15 an hour at that.
Here, then, are the worst jobs I've ever had:
]]> 1. "Not-For-Profit."A roommate turned me on to a "great" telemarketing job: four-hour shifts, walking distance from the house and $7 an hour, a veritable fortune in 1995. We had a script that we were absolutely not, under any circumstances, to deviate from. The manager made us read the script out loud to him ten times before each shift to make sure we had it right. It went something like this:
Hi Mr./Mrs. ________, my name is ________. I am calling from ________, a not-for-profit company, and I would like to invite you to an informational session at the ________, a local park district building, to learn about important changes in Social Security law. This invitation is informational only.
The call list was made up entirely of seniors. Every third phone call some poor old lady would tell us ________ wasn't there because he died ________ago. That part was terrible, but I really thought we were helping people out until the boss yelled at me for saying that ________ was a non-profit company. ________ asked if I wanted everyone to go to jail. I didn't understand, but for seven bucks an hour, I would have said my mother peddled ass to sailors.
It wasn't until smoke break that the receptionist let me in on a secret; the boss was actually selling a crazy insurance scam at these seminars and paying the telemarketing firm - that he owned - to drum up business for himself. Because he was pulling a switcheroo, it was illegal for him to claim the telemarketing firm was a non-profit but it was legal to say not-for-profit. The seniors would hear the words not-for-profit, park district, changes in Social Security, and think it was legitimate. His "informational" seminars were packed to the gills because I was helping him confuse old people. I finished my cigarette and went home. I never collected my last check; not out of an ethical stand, but because the boss told my roommate he'd kick my ass if I showed up there again.
2. The Salt Mine.
Alright, it wasn't actually a salt mine but a salt packager. The factory packaged sidewalk salt in 10-, 20- and 50-pound bags. I had to stand at the end of the packaging line to catch the bags and stack them on a pallet. Every 20 seconds, a heavy bag of salt would coming flying at me, I'd have to catch it, stack it neatly, turn around to catch the next one, on and on and on and on for eight hours. There was a reason that 75 percent of the guys working there were work-release inmates. I've never been so sore in my life. I may have lasted a week at best.
3. The Flour Mine.
A flour mill in Wisconsin. Because this was a food processing plant, it had very strict cleanliness standards. My job was to clean the grain silo pipes - from the outside. I had to climb up a ladder on the outside of the building with an air tank and a hose strapped to my back. My job was to blow the dust and debris off of the pipes to keep it from getting into the flour. I am terrified of heights. Spending my day five stories up, hanging on a ladder with one hand to hold on and another to use the hose to clean the pipes was basically my worst nightmare. How OSHA never shut that place down, I'll never know.
4. The Coffin.
I worked at a gas station in a small booth that sat between the pumps. I didn't mind the job; I could smoke, listen to the radio and the customers were easygoing regulars. The job had one major drawback: no bathroom in the booth. To pee, I had to wait for the manager to stop by on his morning rounds and then run to the car dealership next door.
Anyone who spends more than 30 seconds with me knows two things: I drink gallons of coffee and I have the tiny, underdeveloped bladder of a newborn chihuahua. I would be near tears waiting for the manager to show up some days. One day it got so bad I decided to pee in a soda can, but half of the booth was a window. Anyone standing near the booth would see me peeing. I didn't care. I leaned as far forward as I could, resting my chest against the front counter and peed into an empty soda can. I wasn't paying any attention to the station and a customer banged on the window while I was peeing. I was so surprised that I dropped the can and sprayed urine all over the inside of the booth. He knew what I was doing.
5. "For A Documentary We're Making . . . "
This might be the worst thing I've ever done for money, even though it was part of a job I loved. I had to call the parents of murder victims and ask them if they would appear on a television show about psychics. Their pain taught me the most important lesson I've learned at work: the stories I tell have real consequences for real people, so don't take them lightly. I could go the rest of my life and be happy to never ask another mother to talk about her murdered daughter.
6. Circus Tent.
I worked for a party tent rental company as a laborer. Setting up party tents was the most intense, dirtiest, hottest physical labor I've done; nothing but carrying huge rolls of canvas, pulling ropes and pounding stakes all day. An event would contract with the company for any number of tents, and we would have one day to set the tents up no matter how long it took. The worst was setting up nine tents in one day for Libertyville Days over the course of 15 hours. We finished that set-up on a Friday; I collected my paycheck and never went back.
7. Chicken Delivery Driver.
I had lived in Libertyville for about three days before I got this job. I lied to the boss and told him I knew my way around town. Truth was, I couldn't find my ass with both hands. I set out on my own, after training with a very strange delivery driver for two days. I got so lost on my first route that I ended up in McHenry County with a bucket of congealed chicken in the passenger seat. The boss canned me when I finally got back. I probably still owe him 25 bucks for the gas and the uniform.
8. Parking Fascist.
I worked at the Lake County Fairgrounds directing traffic for a monthly antique show. There were two parking lots; one close to the buildings where the dealers parked and one way the fuck out in the middle of a field where the customers had to park. My job was to guard the gate between the two and make sure only dealers got in. What you need to do, if you really want to plumb the depths of human capacity for frustration, deception, self-centeredness, inhumanity, and anger, is tell hundreds of people a day that they can't park in the close spots that they can so clearly see. Yeah, those spots that nobody else is in, when it is so fucking cold, and why do I have to park so far away and I lost a leg in Vietnam, you scumbag communist. I took special delight in making people soooo angry since I felt so powerless in real life. The colorful former mayor of Waukegan called me a Nazi after I wouldn't accept a bribe from him.
9. A Special Offer.
I got a job through a temp agency stuffing junk advertising mailers. I sat at a table and a woman would come by with huge bins of inserts that I had to stuff into envelopes. It wasn't the dozens of painful paper cuts (I have very delicate, supple hands) or the awful soft rock station playing overhead that made this job so terrible, though. It was the bizarre death ride home. The temp agency required that you ride in their van back and forth to the jobs (and charged you for the privilege).
One day, the driver who picked us up at the end of the shift was drunk and angry. He ran three red lights before a large woman next to me demanded, he "pull this fucking van over right this fucking second." The driver politely declined and an argument ensued.
To prove he was fine, he decided to drive at 100 mph through all of the fucking red lights. The large gentleman in the passenger seat took exception to that line of reasoning and decided the best way to end the argument was with a shot to that asshole's jaw. I contributed fecal matter in my drawers as a counterpoint argument.
A cop finally got involved and the driver did pull over. The cop hauled him off, with the van keys. We were 10 miles from where I lived, so I had to walk to a gas station and call a cab. All in all, that night of work cost me $12.
-
-
Other Lists By Drew Adamek:
* Today's Syllabus
* Shit My Dad Says
* Work Weirdos
* Things I Miss About Chicago
* 20 Albums I Wish I Had Never Bought
* Their Chicago
* Cities I've Slept In
* My Favorite 1980s Chicago Radio Memories
* Why Milwaukee Rules
* Why I'm Glad I Don't Live In D.C. Anymore
* The Beer Goggle Recordings
* A List Of Reader Comments To Drew's Lists
* Life's Little Victories
Plus:
* Fan Note: Me & Metallica
Is there anyone who isn't totally blinded by allegiance to the alma mater or to the nearby big school/only game in town who doesn't have at least a few reservations at this point? I suppose there are also those fans who don't know better than to take each and every cue from ESPN and its stable of simple-minded personalities. And of course there are those who only care about the gambling.
For the rest of us . . . the fact that everyone involved in major college sports at a high level gets rich except the immature, easily manipulated stars of the show, and that most of the "student-athletes" don't receive anything even approximating a decent education, and that coaches never get fired for lousy graduation rates . . . this stuff is troubling. A knowledgeable fan tunes into Dick Vitale singing the praises of low-life, parasitic coaches like West Virginia's Bob Huggins and, well, it is disheartening.
]]> It didn't used to be this way. In my teens and 20s I loved the tournament as much as anyone. When I was in college (1984-88) I went to my grandparents' house in Falls Church, Virginia, for several spring breaks that coincided with the first week of the Dance. At that point ESPN would show five or six first-round games from noon on Thursday until midnight and then show many of the games it had missed on tape from midnight back around to noon. Then they would do it again until noon Saturday, at which point the second-round games began. I had a friend who lived in Silver Springs, Maryland, who would come over to watch and while we never quite made it all the way around the clock, we took in a ludicrous amount of basketball.Later on I spent the same Thursday and Friday March afternoons in the old Hi-Tops on Sheffield (now a Harry Caray's). We would sit there with our sheets and watch a tripleheader before stumbling out blinking into the rapidly fading sunlight during the brief period between the day's slate of games and the evening contests. But that was a while ago now.
Even as my enthusiasm for college basketball has waned, my affection for Chicago kids playing the game has stayed strong. And this has been just an unbelievable season for guys from around here. The Sun-Times did a real good two-page spread Sunday on the amazing number of local guys, starting with Jon Scheyer (Glenbrook North and Duke), Sherron Collins (Crane and Kansas) and national player of the year candidate Evan Turner (St. Joseph's and Ohio State) and then moving on to include new stars such as Jacob Pullen (Proviso East and Kansas State) and Jerome Randle (Hales Franciscan and Pac 10 regular season champ Cal). There are tons more, including far South Side Washington High School grad DeAndre Liggins playing for Kentucky, and they are all fun to watch.
I suppose I do have a general observation or two as the postseason kicks off about the one team I have followed reasonably closely. It is unbelievable that Duke earned a No. 1 seed. Part of it is that this was a very, very down year for the ACC. But this Duke team, which has no athletic swing players, no true point guard and doesn't even shoot that well from beyond the arch, somehow found a way to play that has frustrated many more talented teams.
I will always wish Scheyer, who I covered for Pioneer Press when he led North to the state title in 2005, had gone to Illinois. In Champaign he would have been the unquestioned star from Day 1. He would have played with quicker guards who could have created shots for him and given him the freedom to operate from the high post at times as well as on the wings. But he has done about as much as he could in this, his senior season down in Durham. Scheyer does not have a great chance to play in the NBA (not nearly quick enough to play the point and neither big nor athletic enough to hold his own against decent NBA shooting guards) so this very well may be his last big-time basketball hurrah.
Bulls Blowout
In the past week-and-a-half, Luol Deng has come up with three different excuses to miss either practices or games. During that time the Bulls have not coincidentally stretched a season-killing losing streak to seven games.
First, there was mysterious swelling in his knee that suddenly kicked in multiple days after he had suffered minor trauma to it. Then he went with the stomach flu excuse, and now he has missed the last few games with a calf strain.
Just a quick bit of advice Luol: no matter how many doctors you consult, you won't be able to find one willing to diagnose a stress fracture in your calf. You know, like the supposed stress fracture (other care-givers called it a microfracture - if they saw it at all) in your leg that enabled you to kick back and relax on the sideline during the last 20-plus games of last season.
Most guys wouldn't be able to get more than a game or two off after a calf strain so it will be a challenge for you to somehow turn this into something more serious. Since the team doesn't play defense anymore and therefore doesn't win, perhaps you can entertain us with another search (a reality show?) for a medical professional willing to give you the diagnosis that ensures you'll be able to stay on the bench the rest of the way.
-
Jim Coffman rounds up the sports weekend every Monday in this space. He welcomes your comments.
]]>2. "Preckwinkle has her recommendation [for a successor as alderman] ready for Mayor Daley, who will appoint someone to the plum position," Laura Washington reports. "It's a prominent political name."
3. The city just spent $1.8 million revamping its website, which badly needed it. But $1.8 million? Longtime Beachwood readers know I would have done it for $1.7 billion.
Seriously, someone should look into this contract, that sounds nuts. For this.
]]> 4. "Thousands of psychiatric patients are likely to move out of nursing homes and into community-based settings in the next five years under a landmark legal agreement designed to reshape Illinois' troubled long-term care system," the Tribune reports."The agreement, expected to be filed Monday in federal court in Chicago, lays out a schedule for state officials to offer approximately 4,500 mentally ill nursing home residents the choice to move out of two dozen large facilities known as 'institutions for mental diseases,' or IMDs, and into smaller settings that experts say are more appropriate and less expensive."
5. I haven't been able to find an excerpt or find a clip but Rod Blagojevich's slippery evasions and faulty memory of serving a cold hamburger because he was too busy politicking customers instead of waiting tables in the first challenge of Celebrity Apprentice last night was priceless; Blago melted under Donald Trump's relentless questioning - something Blago apologists like Geraldo Rivera and Greta Van Susteren could learn from.
6. "Internal documents show the evolution of the band's farsighted business practices, such as their decision to allow free taping."
The Grateful Dead: Better businesspeople than many in the newspaper industry.
*
Why was that so smart? For a number of reasons, including gaining the undying loyalty of its fans. And you know all this stuff about "creating community" and "brand management" and "authenticity"? Well, you can only do it successfully if you mean it.
Take the new shop manager on LA Ink. She comes from the corporate world and wants to introduce uniforms, sales targets, Employee of the Month awards, etc., to Kat's not unsuccessful tattoo shop. In her on-camera confessional interludes, all she talks about is the various ways she's trying to kiss various butts to get into position to take over the place. Sort of like a lot of reporters and editors in this town.
Thankfully, Kat is having none of it. Yes, she acknowledges, "there is a transaction," but it's not about the money. It's about the art. Let the artists do their work. Funny thing? The money follows. In loads.
*
Likewise I was talking to a friend about Toyota and it's now-damaged worldwide brand for quality. She mentioned the Toyota Production System. And where did Toyota get its ideas for that? From my favorite management theorist/consultant W. Edwards Deming, whose 14 key principles of management included eliminating slogans, exhortations and workforce targets and whose Seven Deadly Diseases included an emphasis on short-term profits, evaluation by merit ratings or performance reviews, and running a company on visible figures alone.
And what was Toyota's explanation for its recent troubles?
"Toyota has, for the past few years, been expanding its business rapidly quite," company president Akio Toyoda said. "Frankly, I fear the pace at which we have grown may have been too quick. I'd like to point out here that Toyota's priority had traditionally been the following first, safety second, quality, third volume. These priorities became confused."
And that's what the Grateful Dead, LA Ink, the newspaper industry and Toyota have to do with each other.
7. "Women On The Pill Live Longer: Study."
I've been saying that for years! C'mon, honey, you'll live longer!
8. "70-Year-Old Among Trio Of Burglars: Cops."
I hope I'm still thieving when I'm 70.
9. The first dotcom was registered 25 years ago today. Twenty-five years ago! It was symbolics.com.
10. Promo in the Sun-Times on Sunday: "Looking for a great getaway for this weekend? Or maybe something a little more adventurous? Lori Rackl does the research for you, bringing back souvenirs you can use."
More like: "Tourist destinations pay for Lori Rackl's research in return for coverage in the Sun-Times."
Because that's how it works there.
*
On Sunday, Dave Hoekstra's Hawaiian trip was "sponsored" by the Maui Visitor's Bureau. Huh, they used to call "research trips" junkets.
11. The success of Craigslist and Groupon only shows that the old model works: Classifies and coupons. It's that folks other than short-sighted and unimaginative newspaper execs figured out how to easily adapt the old formula to the new platform. What an unbelievable advantage the industry frittered away.
12. This just in:
"Dear Rhodes,
"We're happy to pass along this invitation to discuss Health Insurance Reform:
"The White House Office of Public Engagement is pleased to invite you to a call discussing Health Insurance Reform. It will be held this Monday, March 15 at 12:00PM Eastern Standard Time. We encourage you to dial in a few minutes early to ensure participation in the entire call.
"Note that this call is for background information only and not intended for press purposes.
"WHO: Valerie Jarrett, Senior Advisor to the President, and staff from the White House Office of Public Engagement and the White House Office of Health Reform
"WHAT: White House Briefing Call on Health Insurance Reform
"WHEN: Monday, March 15, 2010, 12:00 PM EDT
"DIAL: (800) 398-9386
"PASS: In lieu of a passcode, please ask the Operator for the 'Health Care Call.'"
But it's not intended for "press purposes."
13. The Moral Underground: How Ordinary Americans Subvert An Unfair Economy. By The Beachwood Workplace Disobedience Affairs Desk.
14. March Sadness, by our very own Jim Coffman.
15. Like A Cloud. A mixtape far away from the dry land, and it's bitter memories.
16. 24 Hours With The DIY Network.
17. Carl Sandburg and Marilyn Monroe:
New sculptures in light
have emerged from the archives.
In Chicagoetry.
-
The Beachwood Tip Line: Disobey.
]]>2 p.m.: Turf War
3 p.m.: 10 Grand in Your Hand
3:30 p.m.: Deconstruction
4 p.m.: Yard Crashers
4:30 p.m.: Yard Crashers
5 p.m.: Sweat Equity
6 p.m.: Massive Moves
6:30 p.m.: Haulin' House
7 p.m.: Dream House
7:30 p.m.: Dream House
8 p.m.: Renovation Realities
8:30 p.m.: Renovation Realities
9 p.m.: 10 Grand in Your Hand
9:30 p.m.: 10 Grand in Your Hand
10 p.m.: Blog Cabin
10:30 p.m.: Blog Cabin
11 p.m.: Renovation Realities
11:30 p.m.: Renovation Realities
Midnight: 10 Grand in Your Hand
12:30 a.m.: 10 Grand in Your Hand
1 a.m.: Blog Cabin
1:30 a.m.: Blog Cabin
2 a.m.: Dream House
2:30 a.m.: Dream House
3 a.m.: Paid Programming
3:30 a.m.: Paid Programming
4 a.m.: Paid Programming
4:30 a.m.: Paid Programming
5 a.m.: Paid Programming
5:30 a.m.: Paid Programming
6 a.m.: DIY Tools and Techniques
6:30 a.m.: Weekend Warriors
7 a.m.: Hammered With DiResta
7:30 a.m.: Ask This Old House
8 a.m.: 10 Grand in Your Hand
8:30 a.m.: 10 Grand in Your Hand
9 a.m.: Bathtastic!
9:30 a.m.: Bathtastic!
10 a.m.: Indoors Out
10:30 a.m.: Indoors Out
11 a.m.: Yard Crashers
11:30 a.m.: Sweat Equity
Noon: Blog Cabin
12:30 p.m.: To Be Announced
1 p.m.: To Be Announced
1:30 p.m.: To Be Announced
2 p.m.: To Be Announced
-
-
Previously:
* 24 Hours With QVC
* 24 Hours With Tru TV
* 24 Hours With Current TV
* 24 Hours With The Military Channel
* 24 Hours With The Hallmark Channel
* 24 Hours With TVGN
* 24 Hours With Retroplex
* 24 Hours With Penthouse TV
"Here is a book that tells the real story of the countless unsung heroes who bend or break the rules to help those millions of Americans with impossible schedules, paychecks, and lives," says publisher The New Press. "Whether it is a nurse choosing to treat an uninsured child, a supervisor deciding to overlook infractions, or a restaurant manager sneaking food to a worker's children, middle-class Americans are secretly refusing to be complicit in a fundamentally unfair system that puts a decent life beyond the reach of the working poor.
"In a national tale of a kind of economic disobedience - told in whispers to Lisa Dodson over the course of eight years of research across the country -hundreds of supervisors, teachers, and health care professionals describe intentional acts of defiance that together tell the story of a quiet revolt, of a moral underground that has grown in response to an immoral economy."
Here are some examples pulled from the text.
Andrew, a manager of a Midwestern fast food restaurant: "But many of the workers in the food company made 'poverty wages,' and he was affected by the all the troubles people bring with them. Then he told me, 'I pad their paychecks because you can't live on what they make. I punch them out after they have left for a doctor's appointment or to take care of someone . . . And I give them food to take home . . . "
Alice, senior manager in a large nursing home in western Massachusetts: "And she went on to explain how she sidesteps the regulations and 'fudges' paperwork about schedules and hours worked to help out workers."
Ned: "A lot of food passed through Ned's hands over the course of a week at work - if not directly through his hands, then under his watch. And some of the 'product' that didn't quite pass muster didn't go back to the company that produced it, as regulated; it was detoured to low-wage employees."
Bea, floor manager at a well-known low-end retail chain: "Well, let's just say . . . we made some mistakes with our prom dress orders last year. Too many were ordered, some went back. It got pretty confusing."
Joaquin, a good company manager in the West: "I basically try to feed them most of the time. I let them make meals after their shifts. And the truth is that some of the women, some of them are single moms, and when their kids come in after school, I feed them."
Judy, a health care business manager in the East: "Sometimes I just look the other way."
Cora, supervisor of a restaurant part of an upscale chain on the East Coast: "Like I'm going to tell this mother with a four-year-old, 'No, you can't leave to pick him up . . . the scrod comes first' . . .
"Eventually, Cora came up with a double-talk system. 'I developed two time sheets, one that I sent to the [central] office and the toher that [reflected] the real hours."
Linda, hospital VP: "We have children in here, we have driven an employee to court on work time . . . We have [adjusted some information on forms] . . . you name it, I've broken it."
Lenora, second-grade teacher: "The rule was that she had to meet with a parent or guardian at least once a year. She said that her standard was to meet with them every term. 'But I break the rule myself when I know that the child cannot make his mother miss work and lose her pay for a day,' she said. 'Hell, I sign the damned forms myself.'"
Abigail, Boston high school teacher: "I asked Abigail how many rules or even laws had been broken over that monthlong period when they pulled out all the stops for one girl whose future was on the line. Abigail laughed. 'Are you serious?' she asked. So we sat down and mapped it out."
Aida, director of a child care center: "I am supposed to bill them a certain number of times and then tell them they have to remove their chilrd [if they don't pay]. This is a subsidized day care but we are supposed to stick to regulations about their payments.' Do you? Aida took her eyes somewhere else and paused, straightening the papers on her desk."
-
]]>