|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
« September 2006 | Main | November 2006 »
October 31, 2006
Over/Under
What a great week of NFL action! Wow! I was on the edge of my seat!
Or I would have been had the words "anniversary," "sequestered", and "north" not intersected last weekend. Much like my wife, Northern Wisconsin knows nothing of NFL Sunday Ticket.
Here, though, is what I think happened:
Green Bay 31, Arizona 14: After losing to equally poor Green Bay, Dennis Green fires all his assistants, the GM, the owner, and the fans. "If we're going to turn this around, my team needs no distractions from those who say I'm doing a poor job," he explains. Inspired, Karl Rove follows suit and fires President Bush.
Jacksonville 13, Philadelphia 6: In a show of support for Michael J. Fox, McNabb declines his pre-game meds and passes for only 161 yards.
Oakland 20, Pittsburgh 13: Raiders owner Al Davis goes to the game as "The Crypt Keeper," scaring Steelers QB Ben Roethisberger into four interceptions.
Dallas 35, Carolina 14: Dallas scores 25 fourth-quarter points after T.O. writes an individual letters of apology to his teammates at halftime.
Last Week: 4-2
Overall: 13-31-2.
Lesson: Don't watch games in which I have publicly predicted the outcome.
Over-hyped: Oakland at Seattle (Monday night)
Storyline from ESPN: Oakland brings their two-game winning streak into Seattle. Seattle, short Hasslebeck and Alexander, looks to snap their two-game losing streak. Therefore, a game that keeps viewers tuned in to the end.
Real story: You can shine up a turd, but it's still a turd. ESPN is trying to shine this turd. After this game, all that will be left is the smell of crap. Oakland failed to generate 100 yards of offense at home last week and has a substandard rookie quarterback. Seattle is one of the toughest places for visiting teams to play. Game over.
Pick: Seattle minus 6.5 points/Under 38 points scored.
Under-hyped: Cincinnati at Baltimore
The Colts-Patriots game in the big enchilada this week, but the Bengals-Ravens tilt deserves some love. Why? Intangibles. Elite QB (Palmer) vs. Overrated QB (McNair). Very good defensive player (Ray Lewis) who overshadows the true star (Ed Reed). Head coaches who receive too much credit for their teams' success. And, most importantly, a division game of two rivals who would love to place a shiv in each other's ribs.
Here is the only intangible you really need to know:, though: The Bengals need this game more than the Ravens. Cincinnati is a more balanced football team with a healthy Chad Johnson, they play pretty well on the road, and Marvin Lewis deserve some credit. They will go into M&T Bank Stadium and pull this one out.
Don't get me wrong - watch the Colts-Patriots game. But leave room for this one, too.
Pick: Cincinnati plus 3 points/Over 38.5 points scored.
*
For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com. Or berate him publicly.
Posted by Lou at 03:17 PM | Permalink
The [Tuesday] Papers
1. From the just-released 2006 Crime and Justice Index by Chicago Metropolis 2020:
* Whites make up 70 percent of drug users in Illinois; blacks make up 80 percent of those imprisoned on drug charges.
* An African-American in Illinois is as likely to serve a prison sentence as go to college.
* Illinois was singled out by Human Rights Watch in 2000 for having the highest incarceration rate of black male drug offenders than any other state.
* People convicted of drug offenses now make up 40 percent of all prison admissions in Illinois. In 1985, it was 8 percent.
* 42 percent of adult inmates tested below the sixth-grade level in 2005.
* Youths who have been exposed to gun violence are twice as likely as others to be violent. One in four children studied in Chicago South Side neighborhoods had witnessed a shooting. One in three had witnessed a stabbing.
* Schizophrenia, major depression, bipolar disorder, and post-traumatic stress are two to four times more prevalent in jail and prison populations than in the general population.
2. "There is no unanimity of opinion on the reason crime rates have fallen here and nationally, but experts usually point to the aging population, longer prison sentences, improved economic conditions, or a combination of all three," said Paula Wolff, senior executive at Chicago Metropolis 2020, in a news release.
3. Doonesbury's War.
4. The Pentagon is spending your tax dollars to improve the way it lies to you.
5. Cardinal George responds to Neil Steinberg.
6. The Pentagon's new rapid response team is still working on a rebuttal to George. So is Steinberg.
8. A new Tribune/WGN-Ch.9 poll shows Rod Blagojevich and Todd Stroger both holding 15-point leads in their respective races, despite - or because - both are running fundamentally dishonest campaigns. The Tribune editorial page and Eric Zorn do some fact-checking.
[UPDATE 8:25 a.m.: As Rich Miller reports, a Daily Herald/ABC7 poll has Peraica ahead by 9 points. Miller suspects a small sample size and old data are to blame, but that's a 24-point spread from the Trib poll.]
9. Blagojevich responded Monday to reports that his wife received real estate commissions "through a woman who holds a long-standing no-bid state contract and whose banker husband has business pending before state regulators," the Tribune reports.
"The governor told reporters his wife has every right to run her business as she sees fit. 'You know, there's a sexist quality to that story - somehow moms who have their own businesses, who are women, can't do things that way.'"
Wrong. The spouse of any governor - male or female - loses the right to do business as they see fit. It's called ethics. Beyond that, what's offensive is the governor suggesting that it is perfectly appropriate for a woman to trade on her husband's political connections - and for him to speak for her when she can speak for herself.
10. "[T]he governor's office says there is no conflict of interest, noting the Mahajans and Blagojeviches are longtime friends," the Tribune report says.
Previously reported: "When questioned by a Tribune reporter, Anita Mahajan denied her friendship with the Blagojeviches and said didn't know who Patricia Blagojevich was until someone brought it up at the first closing. 'I didn't hire her,' Mahajan said in a brief interview from the balcony of her Chicago townhouse. 'I didn't even know who she was until closing. That's when I heard she was the governor's wife.'"
So somebody's lying. We have a right to know why.
11. "Whatever his foreign policy positions, Kirk quickly realized after his first term win that a 2-point plurality was not a lock on re-election," says The Week Behind. "He courted the Daley administration and became, in the House Republican caucus, the leading spokesman for Daley's ambitious plan to expand O'Hare airport and get earmarked federal funds to help Chicago rebuild a number of CTA platforms. In the last year, Kirk has been observed at least a half a dozen times visiting Daley's 5th floor office in City Hall for appointments that weren't on the mayor's public schedule, the implication being that Kirk is Daley's Republican in Congress."
12. The Tribune Company is about to implode but the Sun-Times business section thinks its more important to re-publish a Harris bank press release about the promotions of four district managers as its big story today.
13. The best TribCo coverage has been in the Los Angeles Times, but the local media might want to start contemplating the impact upon the city's civic life if Tribune Company is broken up.
14. Product Placement of the Day: Sears.
15. Today's big Lifestyles story in the Sun-Times: "Fat Cats: The Sun-Times Puts Two of Chicago's Tubby Tabbies On a Diet."
I'm not even going to provide a link, though I heard Todd Stroger enjoyed the story.
16. "Baseball people can turn into corporate guys when they wind up with the big-market Cubs. It's a place where a big name (Dusty Baker) means more in hiring a manager than whether he can run a bullpen."
17. "7 Reasons Kids Still Dig Dylan."
18. The Sun-Times editorial page spent months excoriating Todd Stroger. Then it endorsed him. I chart the folly here.
19. The governor says the Stuart Levine plea deal puts him in the clear. Here's why he's wrong.
20. Isn't it about time we gave more than lip service to caring about our architectural legacy and unique look and feel of our city?
The Beachwood Tip Line: Back at ya'.
Posted by Lou at 06:34 AM | Permalink
October 30, 2006
The [Endorsement] Papers
On September 21st, the Sun-Times editorial board was beside itself. "It was with some surprise - oh, let's be honest and say our jaws dropped - to read that Mike Quigley, the reformer on the Cook County Board, the man who always questioned the way former president John Stroger did business, was throwing support to Stroger's son, Todd, in his bid to become the next County Board president," the board said that morning.
"One wonders about Quigley's motives," the board's editorial continued, "particularly when he [says] he would look 'ridiculous' directly endorsing Stroger so he has sent him 'the best and brightest' of his staff . . . He adds that he hopes Stroger is being honest about wanting reform. Amen. It can only be said that politics makes strange bedfellows."
The headline to the piece: "Is County Ready For This Kind of Reform?"
A month later, the Sun-Times editorial board endorsed . . . Todd Stroger.
Just as Quigley feared but avoided, the page looked ridiculous. And not just because of the ground it staked out in its Quigley editorial. Here's what else the Sun-Times editorial page has had to say about Stroger this year:
May 15: In "Davis' County Board Interest Raises Political Hopes," the page called the nomination of Stroger as an unwelcome "nepotistic outcome."
May 16: In "Theory of Relative-ity Is Wrong For Public Office," the page said: "It looks like our political aristocracy is about to anoint another relative to high office after the usually decisive Democratic primary . . . If the voters are unhappy enough about these hand-me-down politics, the GOP just might 'steal' that election from under the noses of the ruling Cook County Democrats."
June 29: In "Voters Should Be Very Angry At Cook County Machinations," the page called the manuevering to put Todd Stroger on the ballot an "outrageously self-serving scheme."
This editorial also marked a turning point in the page's assessment of Todd Stroger's aldermanic record. On May 15, the page said "Todd Stroger has served as a good representative for his South Side ward." On May 11, the page said, "Ald. Stroger (8th) . . . has contributed a great deal to his South Side ward and the city." On June 29, however, the page said Stroger "has accomplished next to nothing as alderman."
July 6: In "Maybe It's Time To Probe County Board Shenanigans," the page suggested that the way Todd Stroger was installed as the Democratic candidate for county board president be investigated by state attorney general Lisa Madigan or U.S. attorney Patrick Fitzgerald. The page added, "The voters certainly have the recourse of the voting booth to address this bizarre circus. Stroger's handlers are betting the voters won't use it. Will we prove them wrong?"
July 16: In "This Kind of Politics Is What Gives Outrage A Bad Name," the page said: "Here's the most brazen and outrageous thing about the powerbrokers who are orchestrating the coronation of Ald. Todd Stroger to his father's seat as Cook County president: They're not even pretending they have the public's interest at heart. Instead, it's about quid pro quos, tit-for-tats and raw me-first politics, without even an insincere wink at good government. They are arrogant and unafraid, because they think voters can't or won't do anything to stop them. When will voters decide enough is enough?"
The page went on to complain that too often in county government "you don't hire the best person for the job. You hire the person who can continue the status quo. You hire the person who can keep the insiders happy. You hire the person you can control. You hire the person who can give you the biggest political bang for your political buck. As for the public? They're sheep. They'll stay in line."
The page also snidely referred to Ald. Bill Beavers' assertion that Stroger was "not a puppet," and "has a backbone."
July 18: In "A Sad Case Of Quid Pro Stroger," the page said: "[T]he younger Stroger will get the nod . . . not because he is a better candidate, but because [party leaders] are in debt to his dad. There is, of course, something wrong with a system that places a higher value on political payback than on an honest evaluation of a candidate's qualifications. Todd Stroger has done little to distinguish himself as a state lawmaker and alderman and has said little to convince anyone that he's prepared to govern."
The page also said Stroger represented "a status quo that has made a mockery of democracy and government in Cook County."
Readers responded to the Sun-Times's pleas with letters to the editor published under headlines such as "Send the Hacks a Message," "Where's the Outrage?," "New Low of Nepotism," and "Perfect Time To Clean House."
So imagine the discombobulation that readers - and the political community - felt when they turned to the Sun-Times editorial page on Sunday, October 22 to find "Todd Stroger for Cook County Board President."
Why did the paper endorse Stroger? For reasons it has never made clear.
For example, in its endorsement the paper tried to argue that Stroger would be more likely to achieve reform than opponent Tony Peraica because of the board's Democratic majority. The paper ignored the fact that the number of reformers and Republicans on the board comes to 10 of 17 members - 11 if John Daley reads which way the winds are blowing. Not that there is any validity to the argument to begin with, but even the paper's strange internal logic doesn't hold.
"[W]e recognize the reality that if change is going to happen in this Democrat-dominated body, it's going to come from within the Democratic party," the page argued.
Huh? So if, say, former Republican Gov. Jim Edgar were running for county board president, you would still pick Todd Stroger because as a Democrat he'd be more effective?
The editorial also ignores the many Democrats who will cross lines to support the Republican Tony Peraica in this race. Are they unwise to vote for what the paper feels is sure to be paralyzed government?
Perhaps most extraordinary is the endorsement's promise to "assign extra reporters" to watch over Stroger. Aside from the question of whether an editorial page can really assign extra reporters to cover anyone, how do you endorse a candidate who requires such a move?
It gets better. The page then endorses Peraica over his Democratic opponent for his 16th district seat, saying "We trust Peraica will continue to prod Democrats to change the government."
Additionally, the page could have solved its dilemma by endorsing as many Republicans as it thought it would take to make a difference - just to follow its line of logic an additional step - but instead ended up endorsing all 7 of 8 incumbents running in contestable races and let the rest off the hook. I guess county government isn't so bad after all.
Two days after its endorsement, a reader wrote a letter titled "Dumbfounding Endorsement."
That's putting it lightly. Disingenuous is another word that might work. On Oct. 27, editorial page editor Steve Huntley revealed as an aside that the paper had endorsed Gov. Rod Blagojevich not on the merits but "because of his stand on issues important to the paper's readers."
Is that the calculation the paper made in Stroger's case as well?
The paper doesn't say, but it's not likely that the editorial board itself settled on Stroger after reasoned debate. Did the order come from the office of publisher John Cruickshank?
*
Four years ago, the Sun-Times editorial board decided that Paul Vallas was the best candidate in the Democratic primary for governor. Then-publisher and now-felon David Radler overrode that selection in favor of Blagojevich for reasons that were never made public and explained to readers, who you would think are owed honest service from their newspapers.
Cruickshank and editor-in-chief Michael Cooke never came clean about what happened behind-the-scenes with the endorsement either; Cooke was particularly, shall we say, dodgy, about it in a phone interview with me before Election Day that year. And that's putting it politely. (Famously, among the political set, the paper also endorsed prototype political hack Ted Lechowicz over Forrest Claypool for Cook County board.)
The paper obviously has done nothing to restore its credibility since in the endorsement department.
*
Peraica's campaign called the editorial "Stuck on stupid redux." Campaign consultant Dan Proft said: "The Sun-Times' extraordinary and confounding endorsement of Todd Stroger for County Board President is, quite simply, a violation of the public trust. Besides flying in the face of common sense and the manifest weight of the evidence in this race, it is completely at odds with virtually every Sun-Times commentator who has weighed in on this campaign."
Sun-Times reporter Scott Fornek said on Chicago Tonight: "To me, when I read it, it was not an overwehleming endorsement."
*
Neither the Tribune, nor the Crain's Chicago Business, the Daily Herald, the Daily Southtown, the Pioneer Press newspapers, nor the Star newspaers have found the Sun-Times's logic compelling. In fact, I doubt that argument never occurred to them. They all endorsed Peraica. The Sun-Times editorial page: coming to you from an alternate universe.
*
The Tribune is more transparent in its process. Who is the Tribune's editorial board? You can meet them here. Who is the Sun-Times's editorial board? None of your business. (You'd be depressed learning the truth anyway.)
In fact, the Sun-Times ended up endorsing the entire Democratic slate for state offices, which is pretty odd considering how right-wing the page is. Odder still was the pretzel logic employed at times to get to the result the paper wanted for reasons not spelled out to readers.
For example, in its endorsement of Blagojevich, the paper said, "The governor said the charges against [indicted advisor Tony] Rezko, if true, represent a personal betrayal by Rezko, and that he himself has never been involved in any unethical or illegal fundraising. Our experience with Blagojevich prompts us to take him at his word."
People in his own party don't even take him at his word. Legislators got so frustrated with this guy they started making him write Memorandums of Understanding to hold him to his word. C'mon, Sun-Times, what's really going on here?
The editorial goes on to cite accomplishments of the governor that are in fact highly controversial, and in at least one case, apparently illegal.
The page applauds the governor putting $10 million into stem cell research, but declines to acknowledge that the governor himself has admitted "hiding" the money in the budget so opponents couldn't find it. The page also cites the governor's I-Save-Rx program while noting that the state auditor general found that the program "broke federal laws and didn't serve that many Illinoisans." How is that a point in his favor? "But Blagojevich's leadership style has been to forge ahead and deal with the consequences later," the page says approvingly. Apparently the paper approves of forging ahead with no regard for consequences or legalities.
That's not to say there isn't a case to be made for Blagojevich - particuarly considering the competition. But the paper failed to make it, because it obviously didn't believe in it.
*
Likewise, the page says Republican treasurer candidate Christine Radogno "has an impressive background in poltics and legislativev work on fiscal issues" but then endorses controversial Democratic candidate Alexi Giannoulias, who has been disowned by large chunks of his own party. The paper is not bothered by the glib, ambitious, and rich 30-year-old Giannnoulias' not ready for prime-time performance.
Instead, the page relays the dleusion that "if elected, he could be a catalyst for reaching out to young citizens about the value of public service."
Right.
The Tribune's endorsement of Radogno is more convincing, and plenty of Democrats will cross over in this race given the questions about Giannoulias's banking practices.
*
With congressional approval ratings at an astonishing lows, you'd think the watchdog newspapers would be in a mood to throw the bums out. Instead, they are in a mood to keep the bums in. In U.S. House races, for example, the Sun-Times endorses every incumbent. Is our delegation that good? That much better than the rest of the nation's? And how does such a conservative page endorse Rahm Emanuel and Jan Schakowksy?
The page also endorsed Dan Lipinski "only because his constituents seem unbothered by the appalling manner in which he was installed by his father." What gives the page the idea that his constituents are unbothered? Plus, is that reason enough? I mean, if an editorial page is just going to follow the voters, why not just print a poll?
*
Tony Peraica was the Tribune's first endorsement out of the box, and you get the feeling this is the race the paper feels most urgent about, including the governor's race. Still, the paper's unsurprising endorsement of Judy Baar Topinka is far stronger than the Sun-Times's backing of Blagojevich.
The Trib stumbles, though, when it says that voting for Green Party candidate Rich Whitney "might feel good, but the pracrtical impact will be to preserve the status quo in the governor's office."
I've heard that Whitney may be taking votes from Topinka, but isn't it more logical to think that disaffected Democrats would go Whitney's way?
*
A "Local Draw" cartoon in the Trib's perspective section recently printed its sample ballot for governor:
Rod Blagojevich
Judy Baar Topinka
Anybody Else?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?
Bueller?
Rich Whitney spoke up, but I guess the teacher didn't hear.
*
Crain's, on the other hand, says the governor "has presided over an administration of unparalleled venality, and for that reason alone we cannot endorse him."
*
The Tribune endorsed Michael Madigan in his 22nd district race over a candidate it suggests is a Madigan-backed stooge. "Voters lose, however, because once again they don't get a real choice." Then why endorse Madigan? If I'm the Tribune, I take the position that he doesn't deserve the backing of my good name.
Similarly, the Sun-Times called Madigan is a "modern-day Machiavelli" who is "arrogant and openly disdainful of the press" and "the least approachable politician in the House."And then they endorsed him, because he is "extraordinarily effective at his job." That's true - if you think his job is run a tyranny.
*
Finally, read the Tribune's "If The Bosses Get Away With This" as well as the paper's Topinka endorsement, which calls the corruption surrounding Blagojevich a "five-alarm fire" and ask yourself how the paper will justify endorsing Richard M. Daley again.
Posted by Lou at 10:10 AM | Permalink
The [Rod & Stu] Papers
Make no mistake - despite the governor's protestations and the unrealistic unmet expectations of some pundits who thought the governor would be personally implicated by now, the plea deal of Stuart Levine does not exonerate the governor. Far from it. Instead, federal investigators have closed the circle tighter around the governor
To that end, the Tribune got it right in its lead story on Sunday that new allegations in the plea agremeent "only increased the questions about corruption"in Blagojevich's administration, rather than buying the spin that somehow the governor came out of this deal with a clean bill of health. He didn't.
"In the 58-page plea agreement, federal authorities spell out allegations that Blagojevich's two top fundraisers schemed almost from the beginning of the governor's administration to use their newfound influence for corrupt purposes."
That is an accurate representation of Levine's plea deal - as opposed to the governor's assertion that "my sense of the guilty pleas is that it was a continuation of all of that that spilled over from one administration to the next."
Um, no. This might have been a fair assertion if some lingering low- or even mid-level wrongdoing ws rooted out. That's not what this is. The shakedown schemes outlined last week are swirling as closely around Blagojevich as the winds of a tornado around its eye. (Even if Blago's ssertion was true, it would be fair to ask the governor how he could end business-as-usual in corrupt state government as he promised in his campaign if he couldn't even put an end to business-as-usual among his top advisors, his own appointments, and his own campaign fund.)
More important than the past, though, is how this deal is a roadmap to the future. While John Kass's stellar column on Sunday was not unreasonably focused on Downstate power broker Bill Cellini, the more telling aspect of Levine's deal in my mind was the implication of Blagojevich's pal, Chris Kelly, in wrongdoing. Kelly and the recently-indicted Tony Rezko have been the governor's two closest advisors. If the governor was merely betrayed by his two closest advisors, that's still a pretty damning indictment (no pun intended) of his judgement in who he has given the keys to state government to. And, just to give the governor the benefit of the doubt for sake of argument, if he never paid attention to press reports swirling about Rezko and Kelly and never called them in and read them the riot act, he failed to do his job. If he never bothered to ask about what his father-in-law, Ald. Dick Mell once alleged - that state board and commission seats were being sold for $50,000 campaign contributions - he was derelict. (Mell recanted that allegation in the face of a libel suit, but perhaps only to clear a path for fededral investigators, much as county and state officials have done.) In addition, Joe Cari has told federal investigators that he was offered a state board or commission seat in exchange for a campaign contribution, even though Blagojevich has tried pass off Cari's allegations as "triple hearsay" - which they are not.
Giving the governor the benefit of the doubt, in other words, doesn't help his case because of his utter failure of vigilance after riding into office as a reformer.
Of course, I'm not so charitable as to give the governor the benefit of the doubt.
Because we also know the feds are investigating "endemic hiring fraud" in the Blagojevich administration that might snare more high-level advisors. Could the upper echelon of the governor's advisors get indicted without the governor himself - the beneficiary of their work in millions of dollars of campaign contributions - escaping the noose?
As Kass says, Blagojevich's fate seems federally inevitable.
Backhanded Blago
Part of the governor's misdirection play last week was to say that "today's news reveals a pattern of wrongdoing by Stuart Levine that betrayed the trust of Gov. Edgar, who first appointed him, and to all of us here in Illinois."
This is wholly disingenuous on Blagojevich's part. As I wrote last year in the pages of Chicago magazine:
"During his term as governor, George Ryan, a Republican to whom Levine had given a $25,000 campaign donation, appointed Levine to the Illinois Health Facilities Board, the Illinois Gaming Board, and the board of the Teachers' Retirement System.
"When Blagojevich was elected, Levine still sat on the health facilities and teachers' retirement boards. Blagojevich reappointed Levine to both posts, despite Levine's party affiliation and a few red flags. After he resigned from the gaming board in 2001, for example, it was revealed that Levine had not disclosed his past investments in the Argosy Gaming Company, a casino owner in Illinois and Louisiana, even as he voted on matters involving his former business partners there. And after landing his board positions, Levine donated at least $10,000 to George Ryan for two years in a row, even though Ryan had barred state board members from contributing to his campaign fund. The contributions had to be returned.
"Blagojevich's spokesperson Abby Ottenhoff says the governor reappointed Levine to the health facilities board because it required a Republican member, and he reappointed Levine to the teachers' retirement board as 'an olive branch,' she says, 'really showing his intention to work in a bipartisan way.'
"Although Levine was known inside Illinois as a Republican rainmaker, his political contributions at the national level skewed toward Democratic officeholders. The burgeoning relationships between Levine, Cari, [former New York comptroller and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Carl] McCall, and the Blagojevich administration grew cozier in late 2003, when Levine paid more than $4,000 to fly the governor and some of his campaign operatives to fund-raising visits to Austin, Texas, and New York City, according to campaign reports and other sources. McCall hosted one fundraising event held in an exclusive New York club, and [Cari's] HealthPoint paid for $3,500 in meals at another funder in the city the next day."
Blagojevich knew full well who Levine was. If he didn't question what Levine was up to, that alone makes him unfit for office.
New Blago Chant
"Given the scope of the scandal, Levine attorney Jeffrey Steinback said it could be two years before his client fulfills his agreement to cooperate with federal prosecutors," the Tribune reported.
Two more years! Two more years!
Double Dutch
Hey, gov - do you still call the allegations in Joe Cari's plea deal "triple hearsay?" Or are they just double now?
Single Scoop
After Rezko cuts a deal, will they be single hearsay?
Gov. Baloneyvich
"He is the quintessential politician who would cut down a redwood tree to he could stand on the stump to talk about conservation, " state Rep. Jack Franks told the Sun-Times. Franks is a Democrat.
Book Bull
Asked by the Sun-Times what book all Americans should read, Blagojevich said: "A phony answer is Alexis de Tocqueville's Democracy in America. Everybody recommends that book and I bet none of 'em read it . . . Can I think about that one?"
* Tony Peraica said Alexis de Tocqueville's Democracy in America. And I have a feeling he's read it, probably more than once.
* Blago must not have been briefed on which phony answer to give.
* I thought the phony answer every politician gives is the Bible.
In-Law
Wonder who Dick Mell will vote for . . .
Posted by Lou at 09:40 AM | Permalink
The [Monday] Papers
[UPDATE 11:30 a.m.: The [Endorsement] Papers and The [Rod & Stu] Papers are now posted. The Political Odds have also been adjusted.]
Growing up in Minnesota, my perception of Chicago was of a grim, gray city shrouded in factory smoke and saddled with a perenially lousy football team. My view of Chicago didn't really change until about 1990, upon several visits to a friend who had taken a job here after college. Mostly, I discovered Chicago's tightly-packed and vibrant neighborhoods - the bars and narrow streets and graystones and the El running through people's backyards - and fell in love.
But even in the grim years, I never thought of Al Capone when I thought of Chicago - at least not in any meaningful way beyond the historical. That is, until I moved here in 1992 and heard incessantly in the years that followed - through the media - that Michael Jordan had finally erased the "Capone, bang-bang" association people the world over had with our fair city.
Jordan, we were told, had finally put Capone to rest.
Apparently not. I learned from the Tribune on Sunday that Chicago's international image is still one of "gangsters and meatpacking plants." And by gangsters, we're not talking about Gangster Disciples, because, as we shall see later, when it comes to Chicago's image, for some reason black people aren't a part of it.
I have my doubts about the Capone thing, no matter how many tourism officials say it's true. After all, they're always fighting for more funding and the Capone thing is a gimme. It's not as if our civic boosters could ask for more money to clean up our international image as the cradle of corrupt city politics - an image that has only been burnished under 17 years of Richard M. Daley.
Now Capone & Co. are being trotted out again as part of the Olympic effort. Marshall Bouton, president of the Chicago Council on Global Affairs, told the Tribune that "There is nothing like the Olympics - it's like a giant billboard that will be seen around the world. It will reframe the city."
Really? Have you thought differently about Athens since the 2004 Games? Sydney since 2000? Atlanta since 1996? Have those cities been "reframed" in your mind?
I didn't think so.
If anything, the people who concern themselves with these things are the ones who could use some reframing. The Tribune article cites a 2004 study by World Business Chicago, the Kellogg School of Management, and a branding firm called Prophet that suggested (in a "light-hearted assertion") that Chicago's image was personified by guys such as Dennis Franz, Harrison Ford, George Wendt, Bill Murray, George Clooney, Robert DeNiro, Tom Hanks, and Daley.
That's funny, because the biggest Chicagoans on the world stage right now just might be Kanye West, Common, and R. Kelly. McDonald's and the Cubs are international phenomenons. Liz Phair and Wilco might rate mentions. Oh, and there's some black woman from around here named Oprah who I hear is pretty big.
If the city's international image is locked in the past, then those paid to promote the city aren't doing a very good job. More likely, when it comes to assessing the city's reputation, they aren't looking in the right places.
1. "Preposterous: The Mayor's New Budget Is Built on BS." And so the dailies' reporting on it is too.
2. "What Constitutes a Sore Loser?" Richard M. Daley oughta know.
3. After the Trib wraps up its year-long Teens at the Wheel series, will they take on Adults in the Boardroom?
4. The City Council is upset with how much the federal monitor appointed to oversee City Hall hiring is costing without any acknowledgement that it's their own fault. Hey guys, if you had been doing your job, a federal monitor wouldn't have been necessary. Even more to the point, blame the mayor. Consider: The city has already paid $1.25 million in legal fees for a federal monitor because the mayor can't even properly manage the hiring of his own employees.
5. Product Placements of the Day:
Loehmann's. "A Loehmann's shopper knows that she can get a good buy at $29.99, but she also understands that buying a top-notch, Italian designer handbag for $400 'is a steal,'" Fred Forcellati, vice president of advertising for the Bronx, NY-based Loehmann's, told the Sun-Times's Sandra Guy, who relayed the good news to you.
Ferrara Pan. Steinberg discovers how gummy bears are made (not available online).
Carrie Hightman's career. I'm not sure what my favorite part of the Carrie Hightman era was, but it was either this or this.
7. "Yes, Judy, There Really Is A Combine." And he's not part of it.
8. The city will soundproof 300 to 400 fewer homes than promised as part of its O'Hare expansion. The city spins it just right.
9. The Sun-Times continues to rely on skimpy wire reports to track the possible breakup of the 159-year-old Tribune Company, which, like it or not, is a far more Chicago institution than Marshall Field's and the Berghoff. Not only is the ownership of the city's largest media concern at stake, including its various newspaper, television, and radio outlets, but the Cubs and Wrigley Field could change hands as well as that evil but architecturally significant gothic tower downtown. A break-up or ownership change of Tribune Company would represent a seismic shift in the city's civic life. I mean, maybe not as much as a new Loehmann's store in the Loop, but still.
10. If I ran one of the newspapers here - and how many times have I had that thought - I would have assigned a reporter to cover Dennis Hastert full-time from the day he became Speaker of the House. Then maybe we wouldn't have had to rely on the Sunlight Foundation to expose the controversial land deal that in part landed Hastert at the top of Rolling Stone's list of worst legislators in what it calls the worst Congress ever. Hastert is "a guy who saw his chance to profit from his official acts and took it," a Sunshine Foundation official says in "The Highway Robber."
11. No pundit has ever written this before.
12. No single reporter has ever written this before.
13. Sun-Times readers reveal their "TV boyfriends." I'm not even going to provide a link.
14. Page 33: Mary Laney begins a column saying there is no place for fear within the news media and ends up . . . somewhere else. Page 34: NBC won't air an ad for the new Dixie Chicks movie.
15. The CW, partially owned by Tribune Company, won't air the ads either. Try to spot which corporate values this falls under.
The Beachwood Tip Line: Shut up and sing.
Posted by Lou at 08:13 AM | Permalink
October 29, 2006
Hot Wired
David Simon, the creator and producer of HBO's The Wire made a special appearance at Northwestern's Block Gallery for a Q&A session recently. As a big big fan of The Wire and Homicide: Life on the Streets (a show I still miss), I was very interested to hear Simon talk about television, the production process, and perhaps share a few behind-the-scenes tidbits.
The audience was filled with students, journalists, aspiring journalists (Simon was a crime reporter for the Baltimore Sun for thirteen years) and fans from the community. Here are some highlights from the evening:
1. If you thought The Wire was a depressing, harsh program before, wait till you hear what Simon says is the program's overarching theme: With every passing day, human life (our lives) are worth less. And with that loss of value, comes the loss of dignity. It holds true whether your a cop or a drug dealer, a school teacher or a school kid, whether you live in a third world country or the inner city of Baltimore.
2. Currently the show is in its fourth season; there will be five in all. Each season is set in a different section of Baltimore and deals the breakdown of different institutions. The final season will address the media; why no one speaks aloud these failures of modern society and why we don't listen. He said The Wire has been liberating to show how these institutions are failing and falling apart.
3. The Wire isn't concerned with good and evil, but with the process.
4. He had nothing good to say about commercial television, which according to him is all about selling products and making money. Cable TV allows for true storytelling, giving creators a forum to create complex stories and rich characters, free from ratings, sponsors, popular opinion, and star personalities.
5. Simon despises the Tribune Company, which acquired his hometown newspaper, Baltimore's Sun, in its 2000 purchase of Times-Mirror. Simon says Tribune Company is sucking the lifeblood out his paper to maximize profits. He slammed the Tribune a number of times, saying "They're destroying my town's paper."
6. Anyone (reporters) who think they're going to write something that will effect change and make the world a better place is fooling themselves. He learned this lesson early as a reporter when he uncovered a scandal at the University of Maryland involving a basketball coach. Rather than firing the guy, he was given a slap on the wrist and a five-year contract. Simon learned a harsh reality.
7. His mantra: "To come to the campfire with the best tale you can tell."
Simon also spoke about local reaction to shooting the show in Baltimore (the mayor hates it), working with child actors (who say and do some pretty intense stuff on his show), and the parallels between characters real and imagined. Simon is an engaging and frank speaker who didn't come off as down and depressing as it may sound here. The Wire is a dark and intense. It also demands of the audience a level of engagement that's unfortunately all too rare on the small screen. It's also filled with humanity and humor, stellar acting, writing and cinematography that have earned The Wire critical praise and a loyal audience four years running.
This piece originally appeared at 2 Things @ Once.
Posted by Lou at 11:44 PM | Permalink
October 28, 2006
What I Watched Last Night
Pat Bataillon will be on hiatus until Monday, Nov. 6.
Posted by Lou at 11:12 AM | Permalink
October 27, 2006
The Weekend Desk Report
"L" Lines
We've been wracking our brains trying to figure out the hidden meaning of all the recent CTA misfortunes. After all, it can't simply be because the transit organization is plagued with aging equipment and financial mismanagement, right? Then last Sunday, it finally hit us. The CTA and its color-coded train lines of woe comprise the greatest predictive tool for picking against the NFL spread. Just follow the dominant jersey colors and match them up with the latest commuter nightmare. What else would've predicted red-clad Arizona's shocking loss to Oakland? Cracked rail, anyone?
Based on this new system, we are prepared to make the following bold predictions for this week's games.
49ers at Bears (Bears -16.5)
That's an awful lot of points to cover, and if the Bears were wearing their traditional blue jerseys we'd probably bite on it. But with the orange alternate third jersey? Take the Bears to win, but not by 17.
Falcons at Bengals (Bengals -4.5)
Both in orange, both screwed. It's a push.
Seahawks at Chiefs (Chiefs -6)
Sure the Seahawks are missing Hasselbeck and Alexander, but any team in red is going to be down at least one player for the duration of the season. Early reports point toward quarterback Damon Huard. Look for Seattle to cover and possibly pull off the upset.
Texans at Titans (Titans -3)
See above. The Texans' red uniforms will doom them to failure.
Cardinals at Packers (Packers -3.5)
We've been through the woes of the red teams already, but Green Bay is going to be pounded coming and going. The Cardinals will pull off the outright win.
Buccaneers at Giants (Giants -9)
Good luck heading north on the Red Line this weekend. Or south, for that matter. Take the Giants for the big win.
Jaguars at Eagles (Eagles -6)
We're not really sure where teal fits in on the CTA misery roll, but we do know green can't catch a break this week. Take the Jags to cover.
Ravens at Saints (Saints -2)
Once again, we're not really sure about black and gold, although maybe the latter is close enough to the yellow of the uncharacteristically functional Skokie Swift. Take the Saints.
Rams at Chargers (Chargers -9)
Both teams are in blue, which doesn't bode well for public health. The lighter blue of the Chargers' jerseys might give them an edge.
Steelers at Raiders (Raiders +9)
There's really no data on the Raiders with their silver and black attack, but who are we kidding? They suck. Besides, there's an awful lot of yellow on those Steelers jerseys.
Colts at Broncos (Broncos -2.5)
Unfortunately for Denver, those ill-advised orange swooshes on their pants will finally bite them in the ass. Take the Colts.
Jets at Browns (Browns -2)
We've already documented the struggles of the Green Line, but let's face it - the Brown Line might never run properly again. Jets to cover.
Cowboys at Carolina (Carolina -5.5)
Eh, pick one. Too bad neither team is man enough to wear pink, that might just give them an edge.
Patriots at Vikings (Vikings +2)
The Blue and Red lines certainly aren't having a banner week, but with a crumbling viaduct set to undermine Purple Line service all weekend, it's looking like the Pats will win big.
Posted by Natasha at 02:48 PM | Permalink
The [Friday] Papers
1. "Vice President Dick Cheney has confirmed that U.S. interrogators subjected captured senior Al Qaeda suspects to an interrogation technique called 'waterboarding,' which creates a sensation of drowning," a McClatchy/Tribune report says this morning.
Kind of like the Bush Administration's war policy.
2. The best part of the report is this: "Scott Hennen of WDAY Radio in Fargo, N.D., told Cheney that listeners had asked him to 'let the vice president know that if it takes dunking a terrorist in water, we're all for it.'"
Hennen, who is also the station's general manager and whose e-mail address is scott@wday.com, went on to ask Cheney: "Would you agree that a dunk in the water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?"
Yes. A no-brainer.
Cheney went on to say the United States does not engage in torture.
Seriously.
3. "You ought to just back off, take a look at it, relax, understand that it's complicated, it's difficult," Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld admonished reporters Thursday asking about the latest dire developments in Iraq.
He then announced all further press conferences would be held only with Scott Hennen of WDAY Radio in Fargo. "It's a no-brainer," he said.
4. "The Iraq war was a mistake," Jonah Goldberg admits this morning. "[T]ruth is truth. And the Iraq war was a mistake by the most obvious criteria. If we had known then what we know now, we would never have gone to war with Iraq - at least not the way we did."
Goldberg suggests we now poll Iraqis to see if we should stay or go. That's a fine idea. Here's another one: poll Americans.
5. Todd Stroger's story is even more pathetic than we previously knew, according to a Tribune profile today. He was a bust at the University of Wisconsin, so he "landed" at Xavier University in New Orleans, where his father was a trustee. After college he went to work for the county, and then the Chicago Park District. Then he got a job as an investment banker "though his family's connections."
We do know what came next: His daddy made him a state representative in 1992, where he couldn't be bothered to cast his own votes, and Mayor Richard M. Daley made him an alderman in 2001.
Now he's running for county board president - with Daley's enthusiastic endorsement - but not for an actual voting seat on the board.
Does this guy even tie his own shoes?
6. In the Tribune profile, Stroger says his major legislative accomplishment was an illegal dumping bill. In his television ads, though, he claims to have "led the fight" for the Child's Health Insurance Program, fought against discrimination, and worked to make our neighborhoods safer. No one remembers him doing any of that, though. He must have just had other people do it for him.
7. How negative political ads are creeping into our everyday lives.
8. A few words about our governor and the debate he skipped last night, as well as his wife's kinky real estate deals.
9. Beachwood Halloween costume suggestions.
10. A spokeswoman for Mayor Daley declined to comment Thursday on the possible return from Mexico of fugitive Marco Morales to Chicago to face drug charges, which I find awfully strange because the mayor usually speaks out so vehemently about prosecuting drug dealers. Read this story and see if you can figure out why the mayor has no comment.
11. Daley personally sanctioned it.
12. A spokeswoman for Mayor Daley did comment on why most of the reforms proposed for the city's abused workers compensation system four years ago were rejected. They were deemed not "legally viable." As far as I can tell, she didn't say why - nor did she release opinions from the city's law department stating as such. Maybe it was just a hunch.
13. The charade continues, and the city's meek reporters play along.
14. When the mayor says "I have not decided," what he really means is, "I have not decided when I will stop toying with you like the pliable little kewpie dolls that you are and deign to hold an artificial event announcing that I am running for re-election that you will then deem 'news' and splatter over your pages with ample doses of free publicity for me."
15. The mayor's new city treasurer says she is a fan of "the way Chicago works."
In other news, I hear they're hiring at the U.S. attorney's office.
16. Rick Telander wasn't available for comment about this column because he had to work a shift hawking Bears mini-footballs at his local 7/11.
17. Who won Game 4 of the World Series last night? Don't ask readers of the Sun-Times home-delivered city edition.
18. This Trump thing kinda sucks, true, but my God, there have been far worse abominations going on in the neighborhoods where people live than on the street where Blair Kamin works for years.
19. The Sun-Times writes the annual "Wow, women boxers!" story today. Next week, comic books grow up.
20. This looks good.
21. Michael Miner's take on a recent Sun-Times crime story, in which editor-in-chief Michael Cooke is his usual disingenuous self, doesn't quite get the point: The paper's circulation is crumbling and Cooke is nowhere near above exploiting other people's unbearable personal tragedies for a few extra bucks in the till - and his pocket.
22. Product Placements of the Day: Altoid's, JetBlue. I'm disappointed the Sun-Times didn't find a way to combine these into one story, or at least to accompany each with man-on-the street interviews, but maybe Cooke was taking a personal day.
22. Or not. The paper's cover story today was about "up to $10,000" in counterfeit Benjamins being passed in four or five Near North Side bars and restaurants over the past month.
In other words, the paper deemed the most important story of the day to be that a few venues were ripped off for maybe $2,000 each over the last four weeks.
The Sun-Times is ripping off its readers for far more.
[UPDATE 2:56 p.m.: It was just pointed out to me that the FBI agent overseeing counterfeit money in Chicago says in the fourth paragraph of this story that the passing of fake bills are actually on the decline here.]
The Beachwood Tip Line: Expose the fakes in your billfold.
Posted by Lou at 10:18 AM | Permalink
Political Ad Creep
Negative political ads will be on the air every second of every day between now and Election Day. Citizens are absorbing their messages.
Overheard in traffic
Woman: You can get in the next lane.
Man: I'm staying the course.
Woman: But this lane is at a standstill.
Man: I will not cut and run.
Woman: But see that orange flashing light up there . . . this lane closes in 500 feet. We need to change course.
Man: What kind of a message would that send to the troops repaving this highway?
Woman: How about we will not run you over?
Overheard in a couple's master bathroom
Man: Honey, can you hand me the toothpaste?
Woman: Ray Miller is always looking for a handout.
Man: What? I just want to brush my teeth.
Woman: Ray Miller. Wrong for America. Wrong for my toothpaste.
Overheard in a child's bedroom
Son: Mom, can I play on my Gameboy?
Mom: Have you finished your math homework?
Son: My opponent, Mrs. Nosenfunk, thinks that the only way to solve a problem, is to study it forever. The American people want action, not constant study.
Mom: Try this action . . . do your homework.
Overheard in the family room
Daughter: Dad, can you flip it to MTV?
Dad: The baseball game is on.
Daughter: Aren't you tired of the same old empty promises? They don't have a plan for victory.
Dad: Um . . .
Daughter: This year when you hold the remote, hold it accountable. It's time for a change.
Dad: I'm not giving you the remote.
Overheard in an office
Worker: Boss, are you surfing the internet? I thought the Employee Manual said that . . .
Boss: I issued a signing statement.
Worker: A what?
Boss: A signing statement. That means I don't have to follow the rules, only you do.
Worker: But that's not fair.
Boss: War isn't fair. I'm the Commander-in-Chief, and as long as we're at war with ACME Corp., I have to have all the tools I need to win.
Worker: But you're reading The Onion.
Boss: Until further notice you will be detained in your cubicle.
I'm Rick Kaempfer and I approved this message.
Posted by Lou at 09:57 AM | Permalink
The [Blago] Papers
The governor was a no-show at the Chicago Tonight debate last night that he had previously agreed in writing to attend, and for that reason alone he should be turned out of office. His campaign aides assertion that his appearance was predicated on Judy Baar Topinka agreeing to other debates that weren't held is disingenuous. This debate - sponsored by the City Club - was not a bargaining chip to be used to bully Topinka into the 10 debates the governor's campaign wanted, as much as I would have liked to see that (and as much as I wouldn't have wanted that foisted on anyone else).
There are some things you just do in a campaign, and in Illinois, when Chicago Tonight and the City Club schedule a gubernatorial debate as one of the closing campaign events down the stretch, you do it. To not do it is to show contempt for the public.
But then, Gov. Rod Blagojevich's word isn't worth a plug nickel. He is so distrusted among state legislators that they have come to demand "Memorandums of Understanding" to bind in writing the too-often unkept promises that come out of his mouth.
I wish Topinka had a better line prepared last night after host Phil Ponce thanked her for keeping her word than "You just do that," but she's right. You do.
My question to the governor is this: Just where were you last night that was more important than placing yourself before the public in perhaps its most important forum? What were you doing?
"He's 2.6 miles from here, sitting at home," Topinka's running mate, Joe Birkett, said last night.
Until you prove otherwise, we'll stick with that. You were sitting at home, perhaps watching the baseball game, or maybe watching the televised event you wouldn't deign to attend, or maybe working with your lawyers and media team to prepare a response to the explosive guilty plea your dirty state board appointee, Stuart Levine, is scheduled to enter today that will further tarnish your administration.
Or maybe you were plotting the spin on how best to defy the state attorney general's conclusion that federal subpoeanas are public documents and you should fork them over to the news organizations (and Better Government Association) asking for them.
Or maybe you were huddled with your wife, Patti, mapping out the damage control to her suspicious real estate commissions.
Loyal Lieutenant
Funny thing is, Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn wasn't too busy to attend last night's event. Blagojevich's reasoning in not showing up apparently doesn't extend to his running mate.
Still, it was awfully sad seeing Pat Quinn defend his boss. On the debate issue, Quinn said "Topinka kind of ducked and dodged" on the governor's request for 10 debates. Please.
Still, Quinn got off easy; I would have liked to see segment host Elizabeth Brackett ask him where the governor was and maybe suggest he give him a call and have him come on down.
Birkett's performance was more effective, particularly in asking Quinn how he could accuse Topinka of sitting by while the corruption of George Ryan ran rampant while he has sat by for four years as the corruption of the Blagojevich administration has burgeoned.
Seeing Green Party lieutenant governor candidate Julie Samuels, there calm and serious, clean and honest, in the midst of the bickering, was reminiscent of what propelled Jesse Ventura to victory through his inclusion in debates in Minnesota in 1998. Sitting in between the bickering Democrat and Republican, Ventura was able to offer an independent alternative to voters who were fed up.
Green Party gubernatorial candidate Rich Whitney was indeed interviewed after Topinka, but Blagojevich - and perhaps this was the design - denied the public a true three-way debate that would have left voters with the correct impression that Whitney was the adult in the room.
PG-13
Speaking of adults in the room, Jim Edgar and Dawn Clark Netsch also appeared in a segment, and it was hard not to marvel at the depreciation in candidates we're saddled with now. Either would also make a fine United States Senator. In fact, Netsch would have made an excellent governor, as, I think, Paul Vallas would have, had the Machine not installed Blagojevich, a mediocre backbencher at best as a congressman, as a phony reformer instead.
Confiction
"It's unfair and completely ridiculous to suggest she should keep track of every client she does business with to see if they have contracts with the state," said Blagojevich spokeswoman Abby Ottenhoff, of Patti Blagojevich's real estate business.
Why?
Lawyers vet their cases for conflicts of interest within their firms. Reporters try to be similarly vigilant. Plus, Patti Blagojevich only has a few clients a year. What's ridiculous is that a real estate agent whose husband is the governor wouldn't keep track of whether her clients had contracts with the state. Unless she didn't want to know - or already did.
Follow the Bouncing Blago
Just to diagram the Patti Blagojevich story, as reported by the Tribune, a bit.
"When questioned by a Tribune reporter, Anita Mahajan denied her friendship with the Blagojeviches and said she didn't know who Patricia Blagojevich was until someone brought it up at the first closing."
Mahajan then referred questions to her lawyer, who said, "Why shouldn't she hire Patricia Blagojevich? They've been friends for a long time."
Okay, then.
Of course, the Trib also noted that Anita Mahajan's husband, Amrish, had donated $10,000 to Blagojevich's political campaigns. He has also lent millions of dollars to Tony Rezko, with whom Patti also has done a lucrative chunk of real estate business. I won't rehash the further constellation of conflicting interests here, but I recommend you read the story and ask if Patti's deals even remotely passes the smell test.
Accidental Honesty
"We understand how it may look, that there is a problem with appearances," Amrish Mahajan said Thursday. "But if we had even thought about that, we would have never hired Mrs. Blagojevich."
Exactly.
Posted by Lou at 09:24 AM | Permalink
What I Watched Last Night
I watched some pre-electricity television last night at the Cadillac Palace Theatre here in Chicago; I went and saw The Pirate Queen. Typically, I enjoy watching a play, and last night was no exception.
If you're into some very creative stage design and even more extravagant costumes, this is the musical for you. The Pirate Queen is set on the high seas of Ireland and England. There are cannons and ropes and scaffolding and all other types of ship-related things on the stage. Fight scenes follow between the English and the Irish, and the Irish win. Apparently this piece of theatre is not completely historically accurate.
Anyway, the story is about a woman who poses as a man in order to get on the vessel. She saves the ship from a storm and is an instant heroine. Her heroine status propels her into acceptance, even though women were thought of as bad luck on ships in those days. Unless they were naked. Seriously.
Eventually her father dies and she is declared Queen of Ireland, and the Queen of England wants her dead and on and on. Gender roles are broken and redefined and on and on and a love story blossoms between a poor boy and the Queen of Ireland and on and on and then the Queen of Ireland marries an Irish diplomat and on and on, she is betrayed, she falls back on love with the poor boy, more fighting, and things work out in the end.
This is the part where I should flex my literary muscle and tell you what Shakespearean plot is used here, but I will leave that to you. Happily ever after and on and on and everyone is glad and sings and dances.
Typical play, great music and great costumes, what more could you ask for? Milk Duds and Twizzlers! Yes, at the Cadillac Palace Theatre you can purchase your favorite candy for the show. That surprised me; I thought the cultured life would look down on such peasant indiscretions. Also what surprised me were the unexpected technical difficulties half-way through the first act, something that I have never seen before. Those little difficulties did not distract me from the musical,
however, so no harm no foul.
I would recommend this show to anyone. I liked it and it was definitely entertaining. The only thing that was a little hard to swallow was the ending. But see for yourself and decide. You shouldn't watch television every night.
Posted by Lou at 01:13 AM | Permalink
October 26, 2006
A Beachwood Halloween
Costume suggestions from the Beachwood Halloween Affairs Desk.
1. Dennis Hastert. Wear dark sunglasses and bring a cane, a guide dog, and ear plugs in order to further the impression that you couldn't possibly have known what was going on with Mark Foley. Dress your friends in the same manner so they can come as the rest of the Republican congressional leadership. Break out your old wrestling uniform to charm partygoers dressed as the press. Sample party comment: "Sorry I'm late to the party, it's all George Soros's fault."
2. Red State. Paint yourself in red from head to toe, wear a Dale Earnhardt T-shirt, and carry a bible. Sample party comment: "Pass the pork rinds. Hey - you're just dressed as a homo, right?"
3. Blue State. Paint yourself in blue from head to toe, wear an NPR shirt, and hand out Planned Parenthood brochures with condoms stapled to them. Sample party comment: "Excuse me, hostess? I couldn't help but notice that this party isn't ethnically diverse."
4. Ann Coulter. A long blonde wig, a short black skirt, and a gigantic chip on your shoulder is all that's needed to pull off this costume. Sample party comment: "The only reason we're eating salsa is because the damn liberals let all the Mexicans into the country."
5. Prince Harry. Remember, you're not dressed as a Nazi, you're dressed as Prince Harry dressed as a Nazi. Sample party comment: "Easy on the vodka. I don't want to get blitz-krieged tonight. Ha-ha."
6. Mark Foley. Die your hair gray, and wear an expensive suit with a "No Child's Behind Left" button on your lapel. Sample party comment: "I don't use a bookmark. I just bend over the page."
7. Robert Novak . Wear a three piece suit from the Eighties, execute a comb-over from the Eighties, and scowl. Pitchfork optional. Sample party comment: "I'm going to the bathroom. Anyone else need to leak?"
8. Jim Hendry. Put a pillow under your shirt, doughnut crumbs on your face and a folded up Tribune in your back pocket. Sample party comment: "I brought a cheese tray. It cost $5,000."
9. Nancy Pelosi. Wear a women's business suit, use a full can of hair spray, and don't blink the entire night. Sample party comment: "There aren't any chips in this bowl. We were led to believe the chips would be there."
10. Rush Limbaugh. Put a big, fat cigar in your mouth, carry microphone, and paint half your body as a bottle Oxycontin and the other half as a bottle of Viagra. Sample party comment: "Is that chick a feminazi, or is she just going as a feminazi?"
11. President Bush's War Strategy. Wear a "NO EXIT" sign around your neck and never leave. Sample party comment: "Nice try, but turning out the lights is not
going to work. I will not cut and run."
12. Angelina Jolie. Puff up your lips, wear a lot of lip gloss and carry around about a dozen baby dolls. Sample party comment: "I don't care if that is your husband, he's leaving with me."
13. The Bush Twins going as the Olsen Twins. Go on a gin-and-tonic-with-a-splash-of-blow-only diet until the party to slim up. Get a DUI on the way home. Sample party comment: "Oooh look, there's Prince Harry! Let's flirt!"
14. The CTA. Come in a full-body cast, with each limb a different color. Sample party comment: "Um, can you lend me some money so I can get home?"
15. Dusty Baker. Dress in diapers and carry a rattle. Sample party comment: "I would've had a better costume if my wife and kids weren't at home sick."
16. Ozzie Guillen. Dress as a giant mouth. Sample party comment: "Mark Foley is a fag!"
17. Don Rumsfeld. Dress as a giant butt. Sample party comment: "This party would be twice as effective with half as many people."
18. A Wal-Mart worker. Just dress in last year's hobo costume. Sample party comment: "I need to go to the bathroom. Are we allowed to take breaks at this party?"
19. Rod Blagojevich. Just dress in last year's George Ryan costume. Sample party comment: "If any friend of mine double-dipped here tonight, it was a personal betrayal and I can assure you that I was looking the other way when it happened."
20. Conservative Voter. Stay home.
- Rick Kaempfer, Steve Rhodes, Tim Willette, Natasha Julius, and Scott Gordon
Staying in? Rent these movies for your own little film festival of evil ridiculousness.
Posted by Lou at 01:12 PM | Permalink
Pure Carnage, All Night Long
To love horror movies, one must love overkill, and the Music Box Massacre proudly delivers just that. The 24-hour horror-film festival launched last year, embracing the insane kitsch that makes so many horror films lovable, but not forsaking the Music Box's penchant for picking the finest in obscure films. The festival sold out this year (and last year), which I hope means it's on its way to becoming one of Chicago's finest entertainment traditions. While there are probably enough shitty slasher flicks out there to fill up any number of weekends, the Massacre is all about range, and the following roster was enough to keep me awake with a minimum of stimulants. If you can track 'em down, this lineup would serve you well for your own home Halloween festival.
The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari: Just like last year, the Massacre kicked off with a silent classic featuring live accompaniment on the Music Box's glitzy movie-house organ. During one dialogue card, in which a character has just heard a prediction of his death, I hear a comical shout of "Oh, no!" and it seems to be coming from the organist's direction. Instead of diving right into the heavy gore stuff, the Music Box is wise to start things off with an influential but not-too-strenuous horror curio (last year, it was F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu).
This selection coming from the German Expressionist school of filmmaking, the sets are weirdly exuberant, almost like something a crowd of wildly imaginative third-graders could make if turned loose with an infinite supply of papier-mache. That doesn't surprise me, but the dialogue cards do: They're also rather expressionistic, and they seem to be distant ancestors of those "BAM!" and "POW!" cards that popped up during fights in the Adam West Batman series.
After that, there's a brief appearance by public-access TV's own Count Gregula, who addresses the audience for a second in his imitation Bela Lugosi voice and, well, that's basically it. Count Gregula is a total cheeseball and his makeup and get-up are hysterically amateurish, but he knows it, and that's what I like about him. I'm not scared of a guy in a slightly crappy vampire costume; I'm scared of a guy in an impeccable vampire costume, and as far as I can tell, that guy doesn't hang out at the Music Box.
Then Massacre curator and local filmmaker Rusty Nails begins the first of an awkward series of auctions to benefit a local AIDS charity. [UPDATE: "We raised more than $1,200 for Vital Bridges!" Nails says.] You'd think this would be just the right crowd for a bagful of sex toys and a huge stuffed spider (auctioned separately), but it takes a minute for the bids to get off the ground. The same thing happens a couple hours later when he tries to auction off another bag of sex stuff (UFO vibrator, cock ring, edible body treats) and a T-shirt that reads "Big Dyke." At 2 a.m., though, he invites people up to partake of some free stuff (mostly movie posters and other promotional stuff for more recent horror flicks like The Grudge 2), and a zombie-like horde skulks up to the front of the theater.
Bride Of Frankenstein: It's the horror classic that openly begs people to laugh at it from the start. Bride starts with Frankenstein author Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley mincing about with poets Lord Byron and Percy Bysse Shelley in some foofy drawing room on a stormy night. Lord Byron rolls his r's incessantly, perhaps to savor dialogue that any revered poet would admire: "The crrrudest, savage exhibition of nature at her worst without, and we elegant thrrree within!" Just as last year, this is a crowd that loves to laugh at everything from bad dialogue to decapitation, so why not?
Upon the first triumphant bellow of "IT'S ALIIIIVE!" my friend Julia proposes starting a horror-film drinking game (which we didn't put into practice, because it probably would have killed us). First rule? Take a shot every time someone shouts "IT'S ALIIIVE!" Eventually, we decide the same should apply whenever somebody says, "This place gives me the creeps."
I recall that at this point in last year's festival, a certain malaise had already kicked in -- because after Nosferatu came Kairo (Pulse), Kiyoshi Kurosawa's masterfully wearying thriller about an apocalypse brought about gradually by mysterious cyber-ghosts. It's fascinating (and it can make your head hurt, frankly) because it's never entirely clear what's happening or why. It's a film that can send an eerie hush over an entire theater for two hours solid, because it's just that intoxicating and it's just that distressing, and it doesn't clobber you with the personalities (or even the humanity) of its characters. If the title sounds familiar, it's because the Americans ruined it with a remake that spent far too much energy on explaining itself. And, while the original takes place in a subtly barren Tokyo, the American remake is set in a Columbus, Ohio that's lit like a filthy fish tank. But this brings me back to another thing I love about the Massacre: It's got hours of laughs, but also a solid contingent of films that one can genuinely admire. (Another film like that last year was David Cronenberg's Scanners, only that's got a little more comic relief.)
It Came From Outer Space: It's time to get out the 3-D glasses and learn why 3-D will never be more than a backward novelty - it's like sandpaper on your corneas. Since there's no graphic violence (and no death!) in this film, 3-D shots of rockslides, a two-sided fireplace, Joshua trees, and desk lamps get way too much play. As do a young woman's nipples (just through her shirt, but surprising for a film from 1953). It's clear that some producer said, "Boy, this fruity Ray Bradbury stuff could really use some tits!"
Homecoming: One of Joe Dante's contributions to Showtime's surprisingly good Masters Of Horror short-film series, Homecoming delivers the festival's official first moment of excessive gore: A zombie soldier gets hit by a car and his severed head ends up on the windshield, so, of course, the horrified driver knocks it off with the windshield wipers. Why zombie soldiers? They've come back to terrorize the Republicans for lying to justify the Iraq war. Seconds later, a woman gets out of the car and begins battling them with a shotgun. We find out that she's a fictionalized (read: actually kind of attractive) version of Ann Coulter. And later, a zombie soldier smashes the skull of a presidential aide who's clearly supposed to parallel Karl Rove. Commence audience-wide gloating!
Next come a few trailers, including one for 1977's Tentacles. Think Jaws, only with an octopus. The trailer ends with an overhead shot of a bunch of overturned, empty sailboats. Small summer-camp-type sailboats. Because even the most badass killer octopus is no match for a speedboat.
Piranha: Since real piranhas are kind of hard to shoot on a budget, much of the burden of action gets passed off on vehicles - at the film's climax, there's an explosive and totally unnecessary collision between two small pleasure craft, and the protagonists do a lot of hot-shot driving from one swimming ground to another to warn of the flesh-stripping plague they've accidentally unleashed (mad scientist, secret government project, you know the drill). The solution? "We'll pollute the bastards to death!"
The Thing: In 1951's The Thing From Another World, a crew of arctic scientists accidentally thaws out a frozen space creature by leaving an electric blanket on top of it (seriously), and it stomps around killing people, but that's about it. John Carpenter's update is funnier, but in a less kitschy way - it surges with paranoia, as the amorphous creature infects an arctic base and takes on the identities of people it kills. Wilford Brimley's stir-crazy scientist keeps Kurt Russell (in one of his usual badass roles) from stealing the show, and it's the first of two films in the Massacre to feature indoor flamethrower use. A movie set in the Antarctic is perfect for fostering the feeling that you're putting yourself in an insane, isolated situation. And hey, no one gets frostbite. But because this is the techno a go-go '80s Antarctic, there are plenty of weird laughs to be had, especially when Brimley's computer starts feeding him test results in complete sentences, informing him that the Thing's potential victims include the "entire world population."
Night Of The Creeps: Dorky nice guy lusts after hot sorority girl; guy's obnoxious handicapped friend helps him get girl; guy and girl end up fighting zombie frat boys together with a flamethrower and a shotgun (and keep switching weapons, for some reason). But what really makes it worth watching? Character actor Tom Atkins as a blowhard detective who models himself, quite literally, after Phillip Marlowe, driving a 1940s-model car (the film's set in the 1980s) and spitting out tough-guy zingers by the minute: "I got good news and bad news, girls. The good news is your dates are here." "What's the bad news?" "They're dead."
A different version of this story ran recently in the Chicago print edition of The Onion A.V. Club. The Beachwood Reporter thanks The A.V. Club for its kind permission.
Posted by Lou at 12:41 PM | Permalink
What I Watched Last Night
I'll keep this short and sweet. Last night I struggled to find anything worth watching. Instead of baseball there was rain. Instead of a new Mythbusters they covered old myths and retried them. The Wednesday before a Halloween weekend one would think there would be some decent television on - you know, something scary or haunted or what have you. I had some dinner and relaxed in front of the boob tube and . . . nothing but the same old stuff. Until I hit upon an unexpected source of entertainment for an hour on ESPN2. Thank you Christopher Guest.
And thank the Deuce, because where else would you get the Champions Cup dog show from Lakeland, Florida? I am not a dog aficionado or even own a dog-owner, but I love a good dog because of Christopher Guest. Guest created and starred in Best In Show, a movie about dogs and their owners making it to the big dog show. It's hard to watch dog shows on TV now without half-believing the whole thing is just a parody. I could see a little taste of each character in each contestant last night.
I often confuse movies and reality. Tom Cruise is not Tom Cruise, he is Maverick or Pete Mitchell. Morgan Freeman is Azeem. Harrison Ford is Han Solo. And Kevin Costner is Ray Kinsella. When I see them in other roles or in real-life situations, I get confused. I wonder, Why is Maverick is getting married to Dawson's girlfriend? Why is Ray Kinsella such a terrible actor? When did Azeem move to the city to and start solving mysteries? And why is Han Solo so cool? Wait he is Han Solo, of course he would be a bad ass.
So watching the bloodhound dogs prance last night, I wondered what happened to Harlan Pepper. And when the shiatsus went round the track, I wondered what ever happened to Scott Donlan.
So thank you, Christopher Guest, for saving my night last night - and this column this morning.
Posted by Lou at 09:38 AM | Permalink